4 Tips to Keep the Passion Burning in Your Marriage
When the wedding bells ring and you go from bride and groom to husband and wife, you are crazy as can be about the person you now share your life with.
You love them deeply.
You’re passionately connected.
You want to spend every waking minute with each other.
But everyone around you keeps saying, “Enjoy it while it lasts!”
Many couples, and I’m sure you know a few, have spent years trying to get back what they had when they said, “I Do.”
Although they love their partner, the fiery passion has dimmed. They have a best friend in their spouse, but not someone that they are thrilled to live their lives with.
Let’s help you avoid such a fate. You have every intention of staying mesmerized by your husband or wife, and we’re here to help. There doesn’t have to be a shot clock on your passionate connection. It will last as long as you keep the fire burning.
1. Make date nights non-negotiable
Life will get away from you.
You’ll either both get wrapped up in your business or you’ll dedicate your life to your kids. Before you know it, you’ll forget when you went on a date last. So, rather than allowing life to control your level of romance and connection, take the reins and make your intimate date nights a must.
A fun way to keep this “non-negotiable” stuff light is to have consequences for the person who has to reschedule. The key, though, is to make those consequences deepen your connection and make up for the lost time that you’ll never get back from the missed date night.
If the guy can’t make it because of work, he owes his lady a full body massage.
If the woman can’t make it because her friend came in from out of town unexpectedly, she owes her husband some extra good lovin’ when she gets home.
If these consequences are in place, a missed date night won’t lead to a weaker connection between the two of you. It will just mean that you’ll make time to connect in a different way.
2. Schedule your acts of kindness and love
There’s this myth floating around that if you don’t show love and affection spontaneously, you aren’t really that crazy about your partner in the first place. Although there’s a lot of meaningful experiences that can come from your spontaneity, you can still spark a lot of passion from something that you’ve scheduled for your day–and here’s why.
Like I mentioned above, life will get away from you. You’ll find yourself busier with every day that passes, and as you get busier, you tend to sidestep your non-essential actions. You’ll put off doing something nice for your partner because you have a big report due or because you were running late on the way home. It’s not that you care less about your spouse; it’s just that you need more hours in the day.
So, rather than waiting for yourself to naturally realize that you should do something nice for your husband or wife, pick a date in the next week and write down what you’re going to do for them. This way you’ll know way ahead of time that you need to give that love and attention to them.
You can buy them a thoughtful card.
You can make them dinner.
You can buy tickets to their favorite show in town and surprise them.
What you do or what you give won’t be nearly as important as the fact that you continue to show them the appreciation that they deserve.
It won’t slip your mind if it’s written on your schedule. Pencil them in.
3. Listen with your ears and your eyes
When you spend a lifetime with someone, you will undoubtedly get to know their mannerisms, their favorite sayings, and their way of talking. So often we hear the advice of “listening more,” but when we focus too much on the words that are exiting our partner’s mouth, we might be missing the message.
Without fail, you will be able to tell if they’re having a bad day, genuinely enjoying themselves, or just feeling a bit “off”. They don’t need to say a word, but you’ll be able to tell by their posture and body language.
To keep the love and passion alive, one of the biggest things you can do is to understand your partner on a deep level. By paying attention to their body’s signals, their tone, and the way they present what they say, you can show them how well you really know them. This will make for a more loving and deeper connection between the two of you as you grow old together.
4. Touch each other
This can be sexual touch, but it doesn’t have to be. There is such power in feeling the skin of your spouse, whether that’s in the heat of a romantic moment or just holding hands while you watch TV.
This will raise the intimacy between the two of you and keep you close, both physically and emotionally. If you take a look around at the older couples in your life, you’ll notice that the ones that are still crazy about each other will hold hands, share sweet kisses, and find ways to make contact. They could be 80 years old and they’re still playing footsie under the table.
That physical touch has allowed them to keep their connection locked in place over all these years. Take their cue and reach out and touch your husband or wife today. Let them know that you’re there and you want to be close to them.
It’s not that hard
Creating and sustaining a loving and deep passion for your spouse doesn’t have to be hard. If you believe that you can make it last, then you will. If you listen to everyone who’s given up on their spark, you’ll find yourself with a loving roommate soon enough. That choice is entirely yours. Good luck!
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.