After Affair: How to Get Over Guilt Caused by Cheating in Marriage
Ideally, the family is considered the outpost helping us to struggle with different life attacks, enhancing our identity and curing our wounds.
When marrying we believe in this ideal scenario but often have no idea that stamp in the passport is just a first brick we lay in the foundation of this outpost.
Before it becomes ideally fortified, we should pass by a long and thorny way and face the numerous challenges. Those who have happened to experience cheating in marriage, know that the outside attacks are not so threatening for couples as their inner enemies.
It is easy to cope with life’s surprises when pulling the same end of the rope, but it is much more complicated to fight weaknesses which are able to destroy the strongest outpost in a minute as if it is the card-castle.
For everybody who considers that cheating in marriage is not the subject for dealing but an end of the family, we can say: guilt or insult is not good family advisers.
It is not easy to cope with these feelings of guilt after betrayal and still stay together but, believe us, it is possible.
So if you find yourself asking how do i stop feeling guilty for cheating in marriage? Or looking for ways to overcome guilt after cheating in marriage. We will tell you how to do this.
Allow your brain to speak
Self-chastising (for betrayers) or self-pity (for those who were betrayed) is the easiest instinct and the majority of couples prefer to dive into their feelings as deep as possible instead of starting a dialogue.
Be sure: dialogue is urgently needed, it could shed light on your spouse’s true stand on the issue while emotions misguide you.
So, when your guilt cries “I’m a scoundrel and she/he never forgive me” your brain would not allow you to decide for the other person but, most likely, whisper “Just ask forgiveness, there is always a chance”.
The emotions of a betrayed person could claim “I do not want to hear anything!” even when their brain argues to hear what their partner has to say in defence.
Sure, you both need the time for suffering and accustoming the thought about the fact of cheating in marriage, but do not adopt emotional decisions, listen to the whispers of your brain and try to give a chance to each other and help overcoming the guilt of infidelity.
Identify the reason: Accusing vs understanding
We have just imagined the expression of indignation on the face of a cheated person “Is there any reasoning and why I should look for them?!!”
Do not hurry to take the responsibility off yourself. Remember, when something goes wrong in the family, there could not be just one guilty person; both spouses are the reasons. Consider this rule and try to analyse.
Ask yourself “What have I missed? What my partner was trying to find in the relations with another person?” The moment of honesty is crucial. Everybody can accuse but only few can understand.
Indeed, avoid presenting your considerations before you hear the reasons of a betrayer. Firstly, he/she could have nothing to say and use your idea to manipulate.
Second, your spouse’s reasoning could differ from yours but they would not present it being afraid of hurting you again. So, you will never know the true reason and thus would not be able to fix it.
If you are betrayer, the self-honesty and sincere confession is the only way for you to cope with guilt and get forgiveness.
Avoid involving others: Say “no” to arbitrage
We know when people suffer they need to express their pain and look for support. It is a natural way to cope with feelings but we ask you to think well before you choose the confidant.
Consider the fact that the more people are informed the bigger fussiness will be raised around the issue. Consequently, you would not be able to pick the wheat from the chaff and risk to become the hostage of third person’s thoughts and feelings.
We do not recommend to share with your parents: you will forgive your party but they never do this. Their insults will not allow you to forget this story and can be a problem poisoning your further life.
It is better to choose the unbiased person who is far from participating in your family life. Maybe priest, if you are a believer, or friend living far from your place.
Cheating? What cheating do you mean?
If you have decided to be together, discussed everything, understood and forgiven, just forget that cheating in marriage occurs in your life. We know, it is an overwhelming task, especially at the beginning, but there is no other way to stay together.
Constant mentioning, accusations, suspicions, and jokes with evident context – all this promotes refreshing of the negative emotions of guilt and insult, prevents rapprochement and prolongs your family crisis.
Avoid mentioning and try to live the accustomed way of life and make your work on correcting mistakes without needless bright highlighting each of your smallest efforts.
Jump over the abyss
The best way of forgetting a bad story is to replace it with a positive one. So, dear cheaters, do not wait long and care about compensating emotions for your honey.
Journey, making one her/his dream become true, visiting the places associated with your shared happiness or anything else that can make you closer again will be a good decision.
Do not be afraid that it is not a good time yet: remember any disease lasts longer if one would not take appropriate measures. Consider the positive experience the pills from the guilt and insult.
Dear cheated, meet any initiative of your party even when it is still hard to overcome the insult. The longer you will delay happiness, the bigger abyss appears between you and your spouse.
Most likely, if you have decided to stay together you do not want such flow of events to occur. Consider that these recommendations are good only when both spouses want to stay together. If one of the parties strives to end the story, they would not work.
Everybody has the right to make a mistake, but remember if cheating in marriage repeats more than once or twice it could not be considered a mistake anymore but the manner of living.
Then ask yourself whether you want to live with the irreparable cheater. Love yourself and guard your families.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.