Repair Your Marriage Without Therapy in Three Easy Steps

The New York Times writer, Tara Parker-Pope says, “marriage is more fragile than it really is”. Researchers estimate nearly 50% of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce. 

But the statistical figure which points out that 50% of marriages end in divorce eventually doesn’t apply to couples today, according to Parker-Pope.

Yes, relationships are delicate and fragile, they require your attention and care. Marriage problems are just a part of your life, but it doesn’t mean that these marriage issues will lead to breakup and divorce. There are ways to repair your marriage and it is never too late to start afresh if things are breaking apart. 

Let’s cite a real-life situation here – 

“Our marriage has changed. It’s not a particular problem, but it just seems as if we aren’t as happy together anymore. We are talking less, having sex less often, and it just feels as if we are growing apart. I’m really worried about this – what can I do to fix our marriage before it’s too late?” – Anonymous

 Solution – 

This is a great question – and the first thing you should know is that you are not the only one with this problem. This is a common issue and it is completely normal for a married couple to experience points of declining sex and communication. 

But you can repair your marriage and fix the relationship between the two of you.

Most newlyweds experience a time of bliss during which the brain feels everything is new and sexy. But, over time, this fades and stability and routine can begin to set in. While this next stage of the relationship can be comforting and secure, it can also start to feel dull.

As most relationships progress, other factors such as careers and children can create fewer moments for good conversation and intimacy, leading to marriage difficulties and other issues. You have to start repairing a marriage and work towards rekindling the lost flame of passion.

Now, the fact that you are already aware of these issues is a great first step in rectifying the situation. You would like something to change. And, to answer your question, ‘can my marriage be saved?’ yes, it can be saved. Both of you have to start working towards repairing a marriage. 

Counseling helps, but therapies often fail to bring the desired result for most marriages. There are alternate ways to save a marriage without the help of a marriage counselor or therapist.

Here are some tips on how to make that change happen in the absence of professional help.

How to fix a marriage without counseling

1. Make your relationship a priority

Fixing a broken marriage is not that difficult. Be sure you and your spouse are both willing to make your relationship a top priority. 

Through in-depth conversation, discuss how you can make this happen. This is one of the best ways to repair your marriage and take back your marriage to where it used to be once. 

2. Spend time together

Create a free time specifically made for spending time together. 

The weekly date night is a perfect way to accomplish this. 

Date night requires time away from children and cell phones. Treat it as a crucial, regular part of your week. Spending quality time together is one way of making your marriage work. In fact, estranged couples can work together as a team to fix their broken marriage, if they really wish to do so. 

So start planning a romantic evening tonight!

3. Plan time for sex

Despite the fact that planning a specific time or date for sex does not seem very romantic or exciting, but it is better than having none. 

There are couples who have been living in a sexless marriage. Professor Denise A Donnelly estimated that nearly 15% of married couples did not engage in sexual activity with their partners in the last six months to one year.

A sexless marriage is defined as a marriage where there is little or no sexual activity between partners. 

Do you get the feeling like, ‘my marriage is failing?’ Are you finding ways to fix your marriage? 

There is a high probability that a lack of intimacy or sex is one of the problems you are facing in your marriage presently. First, try to identify the root of the matter and then decide ways to repair your marriage.

And, if sex is the problem, then start planning time for that. Add it to your calendar as something to look forward to. When the day comes, act like you did in your early years of dating when you both wanted to impress each other. Set the mood with dim lights, candles, and music. 

You can also consider dressing up and be seductive for your spouse to add to the fun.

Greater communication makes way for stronger intimacy

The above three points are some of the simple ways by which you can repair your marriage without therapy or consulting a counselor. Apart from these methods, couples can always improve their communication. 

Great communication provides a deeper connection and stronger intimacy. 

Improving marriage communication is one of the ways by which you can learn how to save a marriage or how to make a marriage work. 

The study says that couples’ communication patterns prove to be more predictive of divorce than the other factors such as their levels of commitment, personality assessment, and stress.

So, start working towards rebuilding marriage and try to give the mentioned steps a shot. Also, work on your marriage communication if you really wish to repair your marriage. Trust me! The benefits are long term. 

Also, remember that it is never too late to change, and I hope you and your spouse, consider these three steps while putting your marriage back on track.

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Mary Kay Cocharo Marriage & Family Therapist

Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFT, "The Couples Therapist" has been working with couples and families for over 35 years through her private practice in West Los Angeles, California. Her work focuses on helping couples rediscover the joy of being together, deepen communication and resolve conflict. She holds... Read more advanced Certifications in Couples Therapy: Imago Relationship Therapy and Encounter-centered Couples Therapy. She offers weekly sessions, Private Intensives (four hours, one and two days) and transformational Weekend Couples Retreats. She has a sub-speciality in Premarital Counseling.  She is an active member of the California Association for Marriage and Family Therapists, Los Angeles Chapter of California Association for Marriage and Family Therapists, IMAGO Relationship Institute, and the Southern California Imago Therapists Association. She is happily married in an intimate relationship and the mother of three grown children. She is active in various spiritual settings and community endeavors, teaching and supervising at many of the city's graduate schools and training sites. Read less

(Mary Kay is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Los Angeles)