Partners who have been truly invested in the health and vitality of their marriages are rightfully heartbroken when the word “separation” enters the conversation.
Sometimes, despite our most fervent attempts to mend a broken marriage, marriage separation becomes inevitable and gut-wrenching. Accepting heartbreak and moving on after separation is difficult not only for the partners but also for the children.
Marriage separation has triggered zillion emotions in the estranged couples, right from ‘happiness and peace,’ to ‘failure and sadness.’ Study says, recovering from heartbreak has proved to be quite a harrowing task for few – some couples needed to rebound financially in order to attain individual reframing.
But, if separation is unavoidable in a marriage, does it mean a nose dive into depression, anger, and a precipitous decline in overall health? Not necessarily so.
The same study goes on to say the emotions that separated couples have experienced were both positive and negative – there was evidence of feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and anger mixed with sadness and failure, witnessed in the respondents. But, also there were positive feelings of freedom, happiness, and peace noted in a few others as well.
Also, read – Turn your marriage separation into a positive experience
The same study The pain point here is even though healing from heartbreak is hard, there are steps to heal a broken marriage.
How to recover from heartbreak
Finding peace and self-growth after marriage separation is available to every estranged couple, but drowning yourself in self-criticism is no way of dealing with heartbreak pain. You can either choose to douse yourself in misery or take a giant step towards healing a broken marriage, else learn how to move on after a heartbreak, atleast.
Also, read – 7 factors to consider when talking about marriage separation
It is difficult to answer how long does it take to recover from heartbreak, but the article will help you understand what to do after heartbreak and marriage separation.
1. Stop blaming yourself
The first step towards healing after heartbreak and marriage separation is to quit blaming yourself. Finding peace and the first step in securing some healing, when the marriage is becoming unraveled, is to recognize that you are not completely responsible for the dissolution of it.
As many counselors have stated before, “it takes two to tango.” When two partners end the relationship, both carry some responsibility for its ending.
It is also important to recognize that a failed marriage is not the same thing as being a failure. While you may feel like a failure, please remember that the end of the marriage does not mean an end to your purpose, identity, and future.
Above all, love yourself.
2. Give time to grieve and heal
Grief presupposes healing.
What do I mean by this? If the marriage comes to an end, it is important to give yourself the opportunity and space to grieve the loss of the connection, intimacy and a shared future.
Grief is a natural process by which the body and soul shed some of the strong emotion connected with a loss. Simply put, it is okay to cry, yell, withdraw, and sulk. Denying these important features of grief is akin to leaving an infection untreated.
3. Learn about your fears
Typical fears of survival, ranging from the fear of abandonment, rejection, to the fear of being judged or isolated, have been considered the root cause of many relationship issues. And, the same fears of isolation or abandonment might have prevented you from considering a separation from your partner.
The same fears are likely to raise their heads again after marriage separation. Take a moment to dig into the root cause that has triggered these fears in you and find ways to heal them.
Just remember! You are responsible for your unsatisfactory feelings and your fate.
4. Don’t lose hope
Finally, a word about hope. If you and your estranged partner are still able to articulate some semblance of a shared future, you may need to embrace the possibility that the marriage union may continue.
The ability to look at the future through a hopeful lens with your partner indicates that you may be able to heal TOGETHER.
Even if this possibility does not occur, do not forget to celebrate and cherish the good moments you shared with your partner. As painful as the relationship may have become, it was never “all bad.”
Ah, and remember God’s love is always close and unconditional.
5. Focus on yourself
At times, you are bound to lose touch with your core values when tethered to a relationship. A marriage separation becomes an eye-opener and leaves you feeling disheartened.
Now that the opportunity to rebound yourself is knocking at your door post marriage separation, it is time for you to focus your energy and time to finding your inner strength and learn about things that leave you feeling refreshed and energized.
Enjoy spending time with yourself.
So, how to heal heartbreak? Simple! Get outside your comfort zone and try new things, explore new ideas and learn to live happily with yourself.
The discomfort of trying new things will take your mind off your pain.
So, go for it.
6. Surround yourself with supportive people
The pain of separation can be excruciating. So, it is better to surround yourself with supportive and nurturing people.
Take this marriage separation as an opportunity for expanding and redesigning your social circle. Connect with people who are happy and self-assured in their own lives, who have a positive outlook and can help you in moving on after heartbreak.
Also, read – 5 effective ways to deal with marriage separation
Going solo may not be the answer
Staying single and going solo through your life may not be your thing. But, the decision to move on after marriage separation is a tough one to take. Yet, it is imperative for you to understand where you plan to head after leaving your partner?
Are you fearless enough to accept your vulnerabilities? Are you willing to consider developing new relationships after separation?
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.