Many partners, desperate for the relationship that’s fallen down the slippery slope of indifference and malaise, wonder how to save a marriage after separation. Mostly this happens after a huge disagreement or a “deal breaker.” Is it actually possible for real and lasting healing to turn the tide toward reunion in the aftermath of a painful separation? Can separation help a marriage, or does it signal that the bitter end is very near?
A path forward
If you are reading this piece because you seek to save your marriage after separation, prepare for an arduous but necessary journey. For starters, the partners must recognize that the separation will fix nothing on its own. In fact, the separation may deepen the strife.
Here’s the thing… Many partners in a crisis that leads to separation think that the separation is the sole path toward settling the tension and enabling a new start. It’s believed, “If we pull away from each other for a time, we will be able to enjoy some peace and quiet.” Unfortunately, however, the peace and quiet may begin to become more valuable to the estranged partners than reviving the marriage. When hurting couples are in idle waiting for the negative environment of the marriage to settle or magically change, real change is not happening. The path forward, assuming it means restoration of the marriage, means a literal engagement with the estranged partner. Are you willing and ready to do this?
A few ideas to consider
As most counselors, religious leaders, and sages worth their salt will tell you, there is no exhaustive list of marriage separation guidelines to be found in the supermarket of information that’s available for one’s perusing pleasure. However, a few simple guidelines are worth a try.
These ideas include:
1. Engaging in self-care
2. Seeking a counselor to help the partners communicate
3. Placing transparency at the forefront of the partnership
4. Rediscovering intimacy. Take baby steps as you attempt to invigorate your relationship with life, intimacy, openness, and opportunity. Do not delay in beginning your fresh start.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.