You’d be surprised to know that there are 640 million search results when you search this exact search string in Google. You shouldn’t be surprised because every married person all over the world thought of it at one point or another.
Even great marriages have their rough patches. I doubt they were always happy the entire time.
So what do you do when you are not happy in your marriage? Do you pack up and leave?
No, not yet.
Discussing things with your partner is the easiest way to resolve any problem in a marriage.
If you are not happy because you couldn’t get any rest with all the chores and his incessant snoring, then a short conversation can get things squared away.
But for problems more complicated than mere sleeping habits, then helping each other resolve while talking about it is the best way to go.
If people are not happy with their marriage, it’s not because they just woke up and decided they are not happy. Usually, when someone is not happy, it’s because something is causing it.
So talk, find the underlying causes and resolve the issue together.
Fix things yourself
A lot of people find it shocking, but it’s actually easier to change yourself than whining, begging, pleading, complaining, ranting, going to war, etc to try to change others. It is less annoying too.
You see, with all the ideas going around about individuality and freedom, there is only one person in the world you can fully control.
That person is yourself.
It is not as easy as it sounds, but it’s definitely easier than having the world revolve around your whims. It’s harder to realize this because it’s so much easier to point fingers and blame others.
But if you actually want to solve a problem, remember, all those grumblings are just waste of your time and energy. At the end of the day, it is still someone else’s choice to fix things. But if you fix it yourself, then it’s done.
Ok, you rolled up your sleeves, put your game face, and work hard. It’s still not enough to resolve the issues that are making you unhappy in your marriage.
Don’t worry about it, there are things you and your partner can’t resolve on your own. You can get an objective third party such as a Marriage counselor to help. You can also ask your friends and family for advice.
Marriage counselors are professionals with vast experience from other couples on how to help, but friends and family don’t cost anything but could be biased at some point. It’s also a good idea to get advice from both of them.
If you and your partner are willing to work together to make the marriage work, then things will work itself out in the end.
So gears are turning, and things are moving along, but your marriage is not changing for the better. What else can you do to live the happy domestic life that you have always dreamt about?
You have to be patient. Things won’t change overnight. As long as nobody is thinking about walking away, then you’re doing great.
The problem is when your partner is not interested in fixing things and you are carrying the burden of the entire relationship. This is where things get tricky. If you have already talked about it and things are still the same, then that means there’s something else you don’t know about.
Situations such as that are where your patience really counts, the moment you give up, it’s over for you as a couple. It may not be official yet, but it’s just a matter of formality at that point.
Patience is a virtue, at least while it lasts.
Focus on the children
If your relationship with your spouse has turned sour, but it doesn’t look like they are moving away soon, then you can focus your attention and love to your kids.
If someday, you regret marrying that person and the mistake you made, that is only between you and your partner. Having children is never a mistake, and you should never regret having them. If they did grow up to commit grave crimes against humanity, then you are to blame for raising them that way.
That aside, you can pour your love and guidance to your children so they can grow up and cure cancer instead of raising a genocidal army.
Children are blessings and the happiness they give far surpass any on this world. Successful people with children can attest to this, but we don’t have to be successful ourselves to raise great kids.
The secret is not by spoiling them or sending them to boot camp, but guiding them to succeed on their own. Just like the joy both parent and child felt when the kids took their first steps. Make it the first of many achievements they will do in their lifetime.
Even if you’re not happy with your marriage per se, you can be happy for the fruits that marriage gave your life.
Set an ultimatum
If you don’t have any children, patience is running thin, and exhausted every effort to rebuild the relationship, it’s time to pass the ball. It’s no longer fair to you to continue a one-sided attempt to save a marriage of two people.
So let your partner know that they have to shape up or you walk away.
It may sound selfish and arrogant, but if you truly have spent a long time carrying the burden on your own then it’s only fair.
You only have one life to live, and you don’t deserve to live life in misery. If you have children then your life is no longer just yours alone, but if your union didn’t have any, then you’re just beating a dead horse.
In the end, what do you do when you are not happy in your marriage? Work hard.
Happiness is not something you can buy in Amazon and delivered to your doorstep. It is something you have to build, maintain, and rebuild.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.