Your wife’s best friend might be your greatest ally or the biggest enemy. Which one it will depend on a number of factors, and many are not in your power to influence. Nonetheless, there are also a few things you could do to nurture a friendly relationship with your wife’s best friend and make sure you are not undermined by her influence.
Why friendship is so important to women
There are, unfortunately, many men who claim and firmly believe that women are incapable of a true friendship. While a subject that is often the foundation of many cynics’ observations about the world, this claim is very far from the truth. Yes, many female friendships fall apart, but so do male friendships. In fact, although female friendship tends to suffer under the burden of everyday obligations, family, new love, and often jealousy and competitiveness when women become true friends, it is often the kind of bond that can measure up to that between very close sisters. And every woman is lucky to have a good friend to support her and console her.
The bond that women share with them when they are best friends can sometimes be the cornerstone of your wife’s wellbeing. And there is nothing to be jealous about, but celebrate this fact. Women are in need of sharing very specific emotions and experiences that often only another woman can relate to. Women’s best friends are there to listen to each other’s problems, to offer comfort and just the right words. This leads to a sense of overall life satisfaction and wellness.
Although there are many married women who assert that their husbands are their best friends, many also cherish their female friend. As studies show when a person is satisfied with their friendship, their life satisfaction in general also increases. Having a close friend with whom one can share their frustrations and ease the load proves to be one of the crucial aspects of mental health and happiness.
Your wife’s best friend and why there might be problems
Now, as you might have already experienced, your wife’s best friend can either contribute to your marriage or contribute to the problems in it. The reason was outlined in the previous section – your wife will probably share her frustrations with her friend, and some of those frustrations will inevitably be about your marriage. It is not uncommon that men complain to a marriage counselor about the influence the wife’s best friend is having on their relationship. This may or may not be true, as sometimes it is possible to wrongly interpret your wife’s actions as being a consequence of the friend’s advice rather than her own thinking. This is tempting because it is easier to be angry at someone on the outside than on your life partner.
Let us say that sometimes this might also be true. And it might not be out of ill intentions. Women are very protective of those they love. It is not uncommon that a friend assumes such overprotective attitude and starts to work against you. Such interventions could potentially jeopardize a marriage, as friends can have an enormous influence on a person.
What to do when your wife’s best friend is not on your side
Although you are probably rightfully frustrated and angry, bear in mind that your wife’s best friend is probably not being evil. In fact, she almost certainly believes that she is doing what’s best for her best friend. This can be offensive and hurtful, as well as threatening. Yet, engaging in a direct conflict of any sort, with your wife or with her best friend, is not a good solution in this case. Instead, try to gain from this situation.
Start by asking yourself what it is that you can learn from it. Let us help you – even though the extent to which the friend perceives something that you do as a problem is probably exaggerated, the fact is that your wife is probably not satisfied with some aspects of your relationship. Therefore, consider this as an opportunity to strengthen your marriage and improve the way in which you treat your wife.
How to do this? As always, communication is the key. There are two things that you need to convey to your wife. The first is the interest in her desires and needs, and the willingness to make things better. The second is your own feelings about what is going on. Through a direct and assertive communication, you can both reach a better marriage and learn new things about each other.