13 Valid Reasons Why Revenge Cheating Never Works

When someone cheats, the hurt runs deep—so deep that the thought of evening the score might seem like the only path to healing. But what if revenge cheating could actually deepen the wounds rather than mend them?

Contrary to the fleeting satisfaction it promises, this approach may lead to more chaos, confusion, and emotional turmoil. Many may choose to ignore this stark reality in their most vulnerable moments. This isn’t just about morality; it’s about the unforeseen consequences that unfold when you fight fire with fire.

Despite the initial thrill or sense of justice, the aftermath of such actions can lead to a complex web of feelings and outcomes that few are prepared to handle, leaving you pondering about why revenge cheating never works.

What is revenge cheating?

Revenge cheating occurs when a person, hurt by their partner’s infidelity, chooses to engage in an affair themselves as a form of retaliation. This act is typically driven by a desire to inflict similar emotional pain on the unfaithful partner, seeking a sense of justice or equilibrium.

However, rather than healing the original betrayal, revenge cheating often complicates the relationship further, leading to additional hurt, mistrust, and damage that can be difficult, if not impossible, to repair.

13 reasonable reasons revenge cheating never works

Revenge cheating might seem like a tempting solution when you’ve been betrayed. It’s easy to think that giving your partner a taste of their own medicine will even score or help you regain lost power and respect. 

However, the reality is quite different. Here are thirteen clear reasons why revenge cheating never works and can instead compound the pain and complexity of a difficult situation.

1. It perpetuates a cycle of hurt

Revenge cheating never works because it adds more pain to an already damaged relationship. Instead of addressing the original betrayal, it escalates the conflict and hurt, making reconciliation or healthy closure much harder to achieve. This continuous cycle of retaliation can lead to long-lasting emotional scars.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, states,

2. It damages your self-respect

Engaging in revenge for cheating might offer a momentary feeling of satisfaction, but it often leads to a decrease in self-respect. Knowing that you’ve compromised your values for the sake of revenge can leave you feeling worse about yourself in the long run.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, highlights,

3. It complicates the situation

Revenge cheating adds layers of deception and mistrust to a relationship. What might start as a simple act of retaliation can spiral into a complex web of lies and secrets. This makes it incredibly difficult to find a straightforward path to healing or moving forward, explaining why revenge cheating never works.

4. It doesn’t address the underlying issues

Does revenge cheating help? Rarely, if ever. It avoids dealing with the underlying issues that led to the original infidelity. Without confronting these root causes, the same problems are likely to reoccur, possibly in more destructive ways.

5. It can lead to more guilt and emotional turmoil

Revenge cheating often leaves the perpetrator feeling guilty and ashamed. This emotional turmoil can exacerbate feelings of sadness and betrayal rather than alleviating them. The result is usually more emotional distress rather than less, hence why revenge cheating never works.

6. It destroys trust completely

Once you engage in revenge cheating, any remaining trust between partners is likely shattered. Rebuilding trust after mutual infidelity is incredibly challenging and sometimes impossible, complicating any hopes for reconciliation.

7. It sets a poor example

If you’re in a family setting or your relationship is visible to others who look up to you, revenge cheating sets a harmful example. It teaches that retaliation is an acceptable response to conflict, which can perpetuate unhealthy behaviors in others.

8. It provides temporary satisfaction only

Is revenge cheating worth it? The satisfaction gained from getting even is often fleeting. The initial thrill of revenge quickly fades, leaving behind regret and a realization that nothing has truly been resolved.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says,

9. It can have unintended consequences

Engaging in revenge cheating can lead to unintended consequences, such as the spread of sexually transmitted infections, unexpected emotional attachments, or additional relational conflicts, including legal ramifications if divorce or separation is involved.

10. It prevents personal growth

Facing betrayal can be an opportunity for personal growth and learning, even though it’s painful. Revenge cheating circumvents this process, keeping you stuck in a cycle of anger and retaliation instead of moving forward and growing from the experience.

11. It alienates support systems

Friends and family who might otherwise be supportive can be alienated by the decision to engage in revenge cheating. They may see it as an immature or destructive response, reducing their sympathy and support when you most need it.

12. It distracts from the best way to get revenge on a cheater

The best revenge on cheaters is living well and finding happiness without them, not stooping to their level. Focusing on your own well-being and integrity is far more rewarding and impactful than any form of revenge cheating could ever be.

Watch this TED Talk where relationship expert Lucy Beresford explains why choosing to stay after infidelity is a courageous option worth considering:

13. It fails to bring peace

Another reason why revenge cheating never works is because it fails to bring the peace or resolution that one hopes for. True healing comes from addressing the pain directly, seeking support, and moving forward in life rather than looking back in anger.

FAQs

Revenge cheating is a complex topic with many nuances. Below, we address some frequently asked questions that explore why people might choose this path, the emotions involved, and the potential repercussions for relationships.

• Does revenge cheating make the relationship or partner feel better?

Revenge cheating might provide a temporary sense of satisfaction, but it generally worsens feelings and damages the relationship further, making both partners feel worse in the long run.

• Do men cheat for revenge?

Yes, men can cheat for revenge, but it’s not exclusive to any gender. Both men and women might choose to cheat in response to feeling hurt or betrayed in their relationship.

• Will a cheater regret cheating?

Many cheaters do end up regretting their actions. The regret can stem from the hurt caused to their partner, the consequences on their relationship, or a personal realization of their breach of trust and values.

• What causes revenge cheating?

Revenge cheating is often caused by a desire to make a cheating partner feel the pain of betrayal or to regain power and control in the relationship. It’s a reactionary and emotional decision that typically follows feelings of anger, hurt, and a perceived loss of dignity.

Key Takeaway

Reflecting on the reasons why revenge cheating never works, we can look forward with hope. Choosing to handle betrayal with strength instead of revenge can lead to deeper healing and personal growth. 

Let’s focus on fixing trust and building better relationships through open talking and sometimes getting help from professionals. 

By turning our painful experiences into lessons, we can grow stronger and healthier emotionally. This way, we not only heal our own hearts but also become better at handling emotions in the future.