What to Do When He Pulls Away: How to Make Him Want You Back

Deciding what to do when he pulls away from you is one of the most challenging things you might ever do in your entire romantic relationship.

While pulling away, he might have ended your relationship totally, or you might have noticed that things aren’t the same as they used to be.

In any case, having your man suddenly pull away from you can be dreadful and frightening. At some point, the fear that you might lose him forever begins to creep in on you.

Even when you berate yourself for desiring his return, you can’t take away the fact that the heart desires what it desires, and at this time, your heart longs for him to return.

Now, here’s the good news. 

Every day, couples break up and get back together. It simply requires effort.

You can have your relationship back and happier than ever. In this article, we will examine why men pull away after getting close, and you will discover the practical steps to take when a man pulls away.  

What to do when he pulls away?

Breakups aren’t as final as they initially sound. A survey revealed that almost 50% of American adults attempt reconciliation after breaking up with a romantic partner. About 10-17% of separated couples get back together. However, the first step is to ensure that getting back together is worth it. 

As you figure out what to do when he pulls away, your first assignment is to be sure that the relationship was worth desiring in the first place. Toxic relationships are better left in the past where they belong. 

To be very honest, however, getting your man back after he pulls away boils down to one thing: desire.

The next thing to do when a guy pulls away is to make him desire you. His rekindled desire for you must outweigh any negative emotions he may feel about you due to the split.

At first, make it difficult for him to forget about you. Then, find your way back into his heart. If you can make him want you again and again, you’ve completed the first and most critical stage.

Of course, reconciliation and conquering your couple’s troubles come after that. In the next section of this article, we will discuss some simple but powerful steps to accomplish this. 

10 steps to bring him back after he pulls away

Are you figuring out what to do when he pulls away? Here are 10 simple but powerful steps you can take to rekindle the fires of your relationship now. 

1. Stay away from him for a while

This seems counterintuitive, right? Well, wrong… 

Never has the proverb “absence makes the heart grow fonder” been more accurate! Sometimes, a guy pulls away after getting close if you give him too much attention.

The only way your ex will begin to miss you is if you keep your distance from him. He may get irritated if you keep calling and texting – especially if you’re begging him to take you back.

In cases like this, reverse psychology can help you win him back. For a while, don’t call, text, or even look in his direction. Minimize all contact you’ve had and keep your communication to when it is unavoidable (for example, if you’re colleagues at work).

On the upside, avoiding him allows you to work on yourself while making him pine after you. It’s a win-win, right? 

2. Take the time to introspect

Your guy just pulled away? Seize the opportunity to examine yourself and determine your goals for the future.

Take time and evaluate what made the relationship get sour in the first place. Is there anything you need to change about how you talk or act? Do your values reflect the type of person you want to be known for? 

Focus on the not-so-flattering parts of yourself and commit to becoming better every single day. Did he always complain that you worked too much? Think of how you can create time for the people that matter to you.

3. Get back in shape

Although this may not be the main reason why he is pulling away, it begs to be said nonetheless.

Although time tends to take its toll on all of us (and we may start to put on some extra flesh in unflattering body parts), you want to watch out and make sure that you don’t become a shadow of your former self. 

It’s good to indulge your sweet tooth sometimes and enjoy all your carb-studded snacks. However, seize this period when he pulls away to get back in shape (if you’ve been slacking in that department lately). 

First, it boosts your self-confidence, and getting in shape can also help ramp up his desire for you the next time you ‘stumble into yourselves.’ Then again, exercising frequently and maintaining a healthy diet helps you divert your attention from the split.

So, why not? 

Related Reading: 10 Ways Couple Fitness Goals Help Relationships

4. Act as if nothing happened

One of the easiest ways to make him want you back is to act as though nothing happened. Doing so strips him of every mental and emotional power he holds over you. 

Turn off the radio for a while. Stay away from social media for a while, and don’t share images immediately. You don’t want to make him feel like he got you real good with his exit.

Then again, a little bit of mystery will keep him wondering. That curiosity can be the icebreaker that finally brings him back to you. 

5. Make him jealous

If done correctly, healthy jealousy can be one of the most effective ways to get him to desire you again. Of course, you could always try to make your ex-boyfriend jealous if you seek what to do when he pulls away.

Although it can get dicey, making him jealous can cause him to realize what he has been missing. Some ways to accomplish this include hanging out with other eligible partners, posting your life online, and taking extra care to look stunning. 

When done well, these will make him wonder what he’s missing and can be the start of your getting back together. 

Related Reading: Is He Trying to Make Me Jealous? 15 Possible Signs

6. Make him see you ‘accidentally’

This is another trick that works like magic if done well. If your friends are getting together and you know he’ll be there, don’t cancel. It’s quite good to run into him now and make him see how much you’ve grown since he pulled away. 

If you want to do this, ensure you make a killer impression on him immediately. Look your best and smell like heaven. Wear your widest smile and ooze confidence. Please don’t sit in a corner and make him feel like your world crashed when he walked away. 

For one thing, it will make him reassess his stance on your relationship. Then again, you may reconnect and consider if you still want to get back with him after all.

7. Reconnect

You can finally allow him to meet you or set up a date with you.

Throughout that time, keep a bright smile and enjoy the banter. Occasionally drop tiny clues that you miss him. You can always refer back to the good times you had as a couple. 

You don’t want to overdo it, though. Leave a clue every few days so it doesn’t start looking creepy. You want him to wonder if you’re teasing him, so you’ve got to employ subtlety.

8. Text him

Occasionally, send him a text that causes him to pay you some more attention. It could be a striking lesson you just learned or a thank you message for the day he took you out (As indicated in the last step). 

Do it on the same day that you upload a hot selfie of yourself on social media. If you know he’s seen or liked your shot, that’s even better.

Never make him believe you already want him. Instead, constantly act as if you’re perplexed as well. If you do it correctly, these acts will ramp up his desire for you.

9. Tell him how you feel

Consider telling him how you feel if you’re a straight-to-the-point person. Careful, though. You don’t want to appear too desperate while at it.

For one, never make any contact until you’re sure you can control your emotions. Ensure you can hold a conversation without bursting into tears. Till then, you’re just not ready for face-to-face interaction. 

It’s fine to miss your ex, to cry and sob about his exit, but you don’t want him to see you coming undone because he decided to walk away.

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Help Your Partner Understand How You’re Feeling

10. Don’t get used

Make sure that you are not being used by your ex.

If they believe they can get you to do whatever they want (for example, give you a booty call at 2 am and then kick you out before breakfast the next day, after you’ve given their place a thorough cleanup), they won’t think too much of you.

When it comes to figuring out how to get him back when he pulls away, make him believe it’s his idea to come back. That way, his desire for you will be on the increase. 

10 reasons why men pull away

Here are the top 10 reasons why men pull away after getting close to you. Tackling their withdrawal becomes easier when you know what caused it in the first place. 

1. He is not prepared to be vulnerable

It takes a lot of self-control and emotional stability for a man to show his vulnerable side. Because most men have been trained to be macho, they may find it difficult to come to terms with their feelings when they fall in love. 

As a result, they will opt to figure things out by staying away from you even if it hurts your feelings most times.  

Related Reading: 10 Tips to Become More Vulnerable in Your Relationship

2. He is unsure of his feelings

A man can pull away from you when he can’t make sense of how he feels about you. Falling in love comes with a barrage of emotions, including doubt and the feeling that we aren’t making the right choice. 

Some men find love odd to process. To avoid appearing awkward, they’d rather keep their distance until they are certain of their feelings.

3. He’s not yet ready to make a commitment

You may notice that a man has a crush on you, and as the connection grows, he begins to step back. It’s possible he’s not ready to commit and doesn’t want to get too deep. 

Conversely, he may have never been in a long-term, committed relationship and may be unsure of how to move forward.

4. He is stressed by other things

While you’re wondering what to do when he pulls away, please take a second to understand why he’s acting that way. His coldness could be because he’s stressed in other aspects of his life and maybe terrible at managing stress.

If this is the case, consider giving him the space he needs to figure things out. You stand more chances of getting a healthier relationship when he is in a better head space.

5. He doesn’t believe he deserves love and happiness

Because of our past, we sometimes deal with low self-esteem. 

When a guy pulls away, it could be due to his low self-esteem. He probably doesn’t understand why you adore him and decides to back off since he doesn’t see in himself what you see in him.

6. He can’t figure out if it’s lust, love, or both

Lust and love are two words that are used interchangeably in today’s world, even though not everyone understands the difference between both. It’s possible that your crush was merely lusting for you and that their withdrawal indicates that they’re off to the next conquest.

7. He is too busy

You might be astonished to hear that your man is very busy with other vital responsibilities and that giving you a break wasn’t intentional.

Please be patient as he figures out the things calling for his attention. This is only temporary, and you will soon have him to yourself.

8. He has alternatives

One reason men withdraw is when they are considering dating other people. If he is withdrawing, he might be considering his options. Don’t get your hopes up if this is the case. A man who wants you should desire only you – except you’re fine with being open. 

9. He isn’t as interested as you think

Although this may hurt, it is the truth. When a man pulls away, it could indicate that he is not as interested in you as you believed. Don’t get worked up over him. A better man is on his way. 

Related Reading: 20 Physical Signs a Woman Is Interested in You

Suggested video: 10 secret signs a man wants you. 

10. He requires time to work on himself

If you’ve ever wondered why men pull away, it could be because he needs time to improve other aspects of their life. He wishes to be a better partner in the relationship, but he requires time to do so. Give him the space he needs if this is the case. 

Related Reading: 15 Reasons Why Quality Time Is So Important in a Relationship

FAQs

Let’s look at the most discussed questions about how to make him want you back. 

• What is the best thing to do when a guy pulls away?

Ans: If he has pulled away or ghosted you, it does not automatically imply that he is uninterested. Maintain a cheerful tone in your interactions. Tell him you’re here for him. Do not beg, plead, or push him to express his emotions.

Give him space if you discern he desires so.

• When he pulls away, should I do the same?

Ans: The first thing to do when a man pulls away is to talk to him about what you’ve noticed. Express yourself and listen to him as well.

You can ask him to be honest with you about how you should perform your role. You may make mistakes if you act without knowing why he backed away.

Getting a relationship therapist is useful for spouses who are wondering how to reclaim their boyfriend after he has walked away.

Summary 

By now, you should have a better understanding of the common reasons why men pull away from relationships, as well as what to do when he pulls away.

While it may be tempting to snap away from him and focus on yourself immediately, you notice his changed attitude and attempt to understand why he did so.

Understanding his reasons will help you make the best decision for yourself and the relationship as a whole. To access specialized help in your case, consider getting a relationship therapist.