12 Ways to Be More Understanding in Relationships

Understanding relationships is tough! Two people together, emotionally connected, and trying to navigate adulthood side by side is complicated. It gets even harder if there is a lack of understanding between those two people.

The idea of understanding each other in a relationship seems simple enough on the surface, but it can be challenging to execute well. I hear clients often lament that they don’t feel understood or struggle to understand their partner.

So, how do we cultivate a relationship of understanding between two individuals? How can we best understand another person? What does being understanding in a relationship truly look like?

Read on to learn how to be more understanding in a relationship and how to get someone to understand you, too.

What does it mean to be understanding?

The idea of achieving understanding relationships is common but also confusing. Having understanding relationships doesn’t mean you agree, like, or have to go along with what someone else is saying or feeling. You don’t have to “get it” or “feel it” to accept and understand.

What is understanding in a relationship?

In understanding relationships, you can empathize with the other person, make space for them to think and feel the way that they do, and respect that what they’re experiencing is about them and not about you.

Why is understanding important in a relationship?

You might be asking yourself, “Why is it important to understand each other?” If we care about one another, enjoy each other’s company, and have a great time, why do we need to work so hard to build understanding relationships, too?

The importance of understanding in relationships goes far beyond the surface and is the key to unlocking a lot of other important parts of a great relationship.

Two reasons why understanding is important in a relationship are connection and trust.

When a partner feels like we are showing up with both love and understanding, they feel truly seen and heard. These are two of the most common things I hear my clients share that they want to feel intimate and connected with their significant other.

How to improve relationship understanding: 12 ways

Improving understanding in a relationship is crucial for building trust, fostering communication, and strengthening the bond between partners. 

Here are some ways to enhance understanding in your relationship:

1. Ask for what you want

Communication and understanding in a relationship usually go hand-in-hand.

If you’re feeling misunderstood in your relationship, it’s your job to get what you want. A great place to start is telling your partner, “What I need from you is understanding.” But don’t stop there.

Explain what you mean by “understanding relationships” and what you believe it looks like to behave in an understanding way that can help your partner give you what you want.

Your partner might have a different idea of what it means and looks to be understanding, so by sharing what you’re looking for, you can help ensure you get what you want, and your partner doesn’t have to guess. Win, win!

2. Listen with curiosity instead of judgment

When we disagree or feel attacked, we tend to get defensive and judgmental of what our partner is sharing with us. This can move us towards a fight, misunderstanding our partner, and ultimately challenging our relationship and intimate connection. 

If we have understanding relationships, we don’t jump to conclusions as often, and we can get curious about what our partner is sharing instead of being defensive.

So, how to better understand your partner?

Try listening to your partner like they’re telling you a story about someone else (even if it’s about you.) Get curious about how they’re feeling here, why they think the way they do, and what impact this has on them. 

Ask powerful, curious questions to encourage your partner to share more about what they’re thinking, feeling, and experiencing so you can deepen your understanding of them.

Resist your urge to react or fight back. You can’t understand if you’re thinking about what you’re going to say next!

3. Practice empathy

Empathy is such an integral skill and is key to understanding in a relationship.

Speaking of ways to improve relationship understanding,  Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach emphasizes that,

Being an empathetic and emotionally intelligent partner will increase your chances of understanding your significant other.

Empathy allows us to take perspective on what someone is saying, imagine how or why they might be feeling that way without having to feel the emotion ourselves.

For example, if your partner is sharing they felt judged by something you said, but you didn’t intend to judge them, empathy can help you understand where they’re coming from even if you disagree. (You don’t have to agree to practice empathy.)

Try to take perspective and empathize with the idea of feeling judged. By relating to their experience instead of why they’re experiencing it, you can ensure that you are in an understanding relationship.

4. Learn to listen beyond the words that are being said

The words we say are only a portion of our overall communication. Often in communication; we get so lost in the words that we forget to also pay attention to the person saying those words.

In understanding relationships, communication goes beyond the sentences your partner is speaking aloud.

Try to pay attention to all of your partner’s different aspects while they are sharing with you.

What is their tone of voice like? Are they speaking fast or slow? How are they holding themselves? Looking directly at you or the floor? Are they fidgety, breathing quickly, or stammering?

These cues can help you better understand the person’s experience beyond the words they’re using. Words only get us so far in understanding relationships.

5. Try to understand before trying to be understood

When we communicate with a partner, we’re often trying to highlight our points and ensure we are heard and understood.

Each individual’s job, indeed, is to stand up for themselves and share their thoughts and feelings. Understanding in a relationship is a two-way street, and both partners must be heard. Neither one of you can listen to it if you’re too busy talking and focusing on yourself.

If you’re trying to improve understanding in your relationship, see if you can put your partner first and gain understanding before you offer your side.

By making space for each partner to be thoroughly understood, you lay the foundation for deeper connection and trust.

6. Respect differences

Recognize and respect that you and your partner may have different viewpoints, preferences, and ways of approaching situations. Embrace these differences rather than trying to change or dismiss them.

7. Practice compromise

Understand that compromise is often necessary for a relationship. Find solutions that meet both partners’ needs and actively work together to find a middle ground.

8. Develop trust

Wondering how to be more understanding in a long-distance relationship?

According to Christiana Njoku, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach,

Trust is that strong foundation you build in a relationship with your partner, without it, to understand your partner becomes harder.

Building trust is essential for understanding. Be reliable, keep your promises, and be honest with your partner. Trust allows for open and authentic communication.

9. Share experiences

Engage in shared activities and experiences that allow you to connect on a deeper level. This can include hobbies, travel, or even simple daily routines that strengthen your bond and understanding.

10. Show appreciation

Express gratitude and appreciation for your partner’s efforts, thoughts, and perspectives. Acknowledge their contributions to the relationship, and this will foster a positive and understanding atmosphere.

11. Non-verbal communication

Pay attention to non-verbal cues such as body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These can provide valuable insights into your partner’s feelings and emotions.

Watch this video to learn more about non-verbal communication:

12. Seek professional help

If you find persistent challenges in understanding each other, consider seeking guidance from a relationship counselor or therapist. They can provide insights and techniques to improve communication and understanding.

If you still feel disconnected or frustrated about your relationship understanding or with your partner, you must consider enrolling for relationship counseling.

Some commonly asked questions 

Here are some answers pertaining to questions about understanding relationships that can help makes things more clear for you:

• Is understanding a part of love?

Yes, understanding is an integral part of love. Love involves not only feeling affection and attraction towards someone but also actively seeking to understand and connect with them on a deeper level. 

Christiana Njoku clearly states, 

To get the best of your relationship, it is pertinent to do all you can for the sake of the love you both share to understand your partner. Anything short of this, is capable of resulting in misunderstanding.

Understanding encompasses empathizing with your partner’s emotions, thoughts, and experiences and making an effort to communicate and relate to them effectively. It involves listening, respecting differences, and valuing their perspective. 

How important is understanding in a relationship? A lot!

By understanding your partner, you can build trust, strengthen the emotional bond, and create a nurturing and fulfilling relationship based on mutual support, acceptance, and appreciation.

• Can healthy conflict resolution skills help in enhancing understanding in a relationship?

Yes, healthy conflict resolution skills are crucial in enhancing understanding in a relationship. When conflicts arise, they provide an opportunity for partners to express their perspectives, needs, and concerns openly. 

By utilizing effective conflict resolution skills such as active listening, empathy, and respectful communication, partners can better understand each other’s viewpoints and find mutually acceptable solutions. 

Conflict resolution skills promote open dialogue, reduce misunderstandings, and encourage compromise and problem-solving. Through conflict resolution, partners can deepen their understanding of one another’s values, boundaries, and desires, fostering a stronger sense of empathy and connection in the relationship.

Final thoughts

In conclusion, enhancing understanding in relationships is a vital aspect of creating a strong and fulfilling partnership. By practicing active listening, empathy, and open communication, couples can develop a deeper understanding of each other’s thoughts, emotions, and perspectives. 

Respecting differences, practicing patience, and seeking clarification is key to avoiding misunderstandings. Building trust, expressing appreciation, and engaging in shared experiences also contribute to greater understanding. 

Furthermore, developing healthy conflict-resolution skills promotes effective communication and problem-solving. By consistently nurturing understanding, couples can strengthen their connection and cultivate a loving, supportive, and harmonious relationship.