9 Signs You’re Confused in a Relationship & Things to Do

You’re lying awake at night, replaying moments in your head. The way they made you laugh last weekend feels like a dream, but the argument you had yesterday still stings. One minute, you’re convinced they’re the one; the next, you’re asking yourself, “Am I confused in a relationship? Is this normal?”

Have you been second-guessing your feelings, questioning theirs, or just feeling unsure about a relationship that once felt certain? 

These thoughts can be exhausting, leaving you caught between love and doubt, unsure about which way to go.

Feeling confused on a relationship isn’t uncommon. Research shows that even the strongest couples experience moments of doubt due to unmet expectations or life’s unpredictability. But what matters is how you address these feelings before they grow into something bigger.

In this article, we’ll dive into clear signs you might be feeling unsure about a relationship and guide you on what to do about it. 

Whether it’s a passing phase or a signal to reflect deeply, this piece will help you gain clarity, take action, and decide what’s right for you. Let’s sort through the confusion together.

What does it mean to be confused in a relationship?

Being confused in a relationship means experiencing uncertainty about the status, direction, or feelings involved. 

You may question your partner’s commitment, your own emotions, or the overall health of the connection. This confusion can stem from mixed signals, a lack of communication, or unresolved conflicts. 

It often leads to anxiety, insecurity, and a sense of instability within the relationship. Seeking clarity through open communication and self-reflection is crucial for navigating this confusion and deciding the best path forward.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker,

Confusion in relationships is a term used to describe a situation in which emotional, social, and communicative dynamics between individuals are characterized by uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity. Confusion is often greater when roles and responsibilities between individuals are not clearly defined, and this can lead to emotional insecurity, anxiety, conflict and dissatisfaction.

9 glaring signs you’re in a confusing relationship

Handling a relationship can often be a complex journey filled with mixed signals and uncertain feelings. Relationships are confusing so it’s not uncommon to find yourself questioning the dynamics of your partnership, leaving you feeling so confused. 

Here are a couple of additional signs that may help you understand why you feel so confused in your relationship:

1. You spend a significant amount of time over-analyzing

If you’re in a confusing relationship, you may be unsure about how your partner feels, which can cause you to experience anxiety and question the relationship.

You may spend hours ruminating over your partner’s actions and behaviors, and you may replay conversations in your head over and over, trying to determine if your partner is really interested in you.

• For example: Spending hours dissecting a casual text from your partner to understand their mood or intent.

2. You feel you aren’t able to be yourself

If you feel anxious about how you behave around your partner, this may be a sign of confusion in a relationship.

You may be concerned that your partner will not accept you for who you are, so you begin to hide aspects of yourself. Ultimately, you should feel comfortable letting your guard down and freely expressing yourself with your partner.

Psychologist Mert Şeker observes that,

Failure to recognize oneself in a relationship can lead to confusion, where one experiences uncertainty about one’s own identity and emotional state. This type of confusion can undermine a person’s self-confidence, leading to problems such as emotional distress, anxiety, and lack of self-esteem.

• For example: Changing your opinions or suppressing your hobbies because you think your partner might disapprove. 

3. You feel as if you do not enjoy time together

If you dread time with your partner or feel that you do not have fun together, you may be in a confusing relationship.

Time spent with someone you love should be enjoyable, and you shouldn’t feel like you are trying to force yourself to have a good time.

 If you don’t enjoy time with the person you’re dating, it may be that you just aren’t compatible, or you don’t have enough common interests, which isn’t a good sign in a relationship.

You might also feel like you are “faking it” with your partner if you do not enjoy time together, and this indeed shows that you are confused about your relationship.

• For example: Feeling relief rather than disappointment when plans with your partner get canceled.

4. Your relationship is centered on drama

Sometimes the allure in a relationship is entirely based on excitement, and drama can keep things exciting.

Maybe your partner has drama with a past lover and comes to you as an advisor and source of support. Or, perhaps you are dealing with an intensely personal situation, and your partner is a source of support.

Whatever the case, if your relationship thrives on drama, you may be confused about your relationship because it isn’t about love but about the mutual connection you have built through the conflict.

You must look for the conspicuous signs to help you determine if you are in a healthy or unhealthy relationship. It’s only after a proper analysis that you would be able to reach a justifiable conclusion.

• For example: Feeling that the most intense connection with your partner occurs only during conflicts or crises.

5. You feel compelled to fix your partner

Another sign of feeling confused about love is if you are convinced you need to fix your partner or rescue them. Perhaps your partner is depressed or dealing with a terrible personal situation.

Suppose you jump in to nurture your partner through the situation. In that case, you may actually be fulfilling a childhood need to protect someone else in your life instead of actually experiencing love for your partner.

If your relationship has revolved around helping your partner resolve some unfortunate circumstance, you may have to deal with mixed emotions in your relationship.

Psychologist Mert Şeker determined that,

There may be some indicators to understand that instead of feeling true love in a relationship, you are trying to meet emotional needs that were not met in childhood through a partner. This can start with realizing that your relationship with your partner has an addiction-like quality, where you feel incomplete without his or her support and attention.

It may also be determined by the realization that your relationship is one in which you are constantly seeking approval and love, but are unable to form a true connection. 

When you feel incomplete without the support of another person, it may indicate that you are carrying traces of past emotional inadequacies.

• For example: Constantly stepping in to solve your partner’s problems, often neglecting your own needs.

6. Communication breakdown

A lack of clear and open communication is a significant red flag in any relationship. If you and your partner struggle to effectively communicate your thoughts, feelings, and expectations, it can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. 

You may find yourselves constantly misinterpreting each other’s actions or intentions, leading to frustration and uncertainty about where you stand in the relationship.

• For example: Frequently having conversations that end with one or both of you feeling misunderstood or ignored.

7. Mixed signals

Another sign of a confusing relationship is when your partner sends mixed signals or behaves inconsistently. They might exhibit contradictory behaviors, such as being affectionate one moment and distant the next, or expressing love and commitment verbally but not following through with their actions. 

• For example: Your partner being affectionate and planning a future together one week, then acting distant and non-committal the next.

8. Inconsistent effort levels

When one partner frequently oscillates between high effort and disengagement, it can create a confusing atmosphere. 

If you notice that your partner’s commitment seems to wax and wane without clear reason, it may signal a lack of clarity about their feelings or the relationship’s direction, leading to feelings of insecurity and frustration.

• For example: Your partner being fully engaged and romantic during a holiday but distant and uninterested just days later.

9. Avoidance of future plans

A reluctance to discuss or make plans for the future can be a sign of uncertainty in a relationship. If your partner constantly avoids conversations about future events, milestones, or long-term goals, it could indicate their ambivalence about the relationship’s longevity, leaving you confused about where you truly stand.

• For example: Your partner constantly changing the subject when you bring up future vacations, living arrangements, or long-term commitments.

Questions to ask yourself if you’re confused in a relationship

When confusion sets in within a relationship, it’s essential to pause and reflect internally. Asking yourself the right questions can lead to profound insights and guide your decision-making process. Here’s a detailed look at each question to help you understand their importance:

• What specific actions or behaviors cause me to feel this way?

Identifying specific actions or behaviors that trigger your feelings of confusion can clarify whether these issues are recurring or isolated incidents. It helps in addressing them directly with your partner.

• Are my needs and expectations clearly communicated and understood?

Often, confusion arises from miscommunication or misinterpretation. Reflect on whether you have clearly expressed your needs and expectations to your partner and if you feel they genuinely understand them.

• Do I feel secure and valued in this relationship?

Feeling secure and valued is fundamental to any relationship. Evaluate if your feelings of confusion stem from feeling neglected, unappreciated, or insecure. These emotions might be signaling deeper issues in your relationship dynamics.

• What am I hoping to gain or achieve in this relationship?

Understanding your personal goals within the relationship can help determine if the partnership aligns with your long-term aspirations. This reflection can be crucial in deciding whether to work through the confusion or reconsider the relationship’s future.

• Is there a pattern that repeats itself, causing these confusions?

Recognizing patterns can reveal underlying issues that may not be apparent at first glance. If certain situations or behaviors repeatedly lead to confusion, there might be unresolved issues that need addressing, possibly with professional help. 

By carefully considering these questions, you can gain a clearer understanding of your feelings and the dynamics of your relationship, aiding in your journey towards resolution and clarity.

Is it normal to be unsure about my relationship?

Yes, it’s completely normal to feel confused about your relationship at times. Maybe you’re wondering if your feelings are as strong as they used to be, or perhaps your partner’s actions leave you questioning their intentions. 

For example, you might feel excited when you’re together but anxious when they don’t text back, leaving you with an unclear relationship dynamic. Or perhaps you’ve started asking yourself, “Am I confused about staying in a relationship because of love or comfort?”

These moments of doubt happen to most people. Relationships are complex, and it’s okay to pause, reflect, and seek clarity about what you truly want.

How to fix a confusing relationship?

Fixing a confusing relationship starts with open communication. Talk to your partner about the feelings or situations causing doubt. For example, if you’re unsure about their priorities, ask for clarity instead of making assumptions. Define where you both stand to clear up an unclear relationship dynamic.

Focus on rebuilding trust and setting boundaries. If you’re confused about staying in a relationship, reflect on whether your needs and values align. 

Couples therapy can also help uncover deeper issues. Lastly, give yourself time to process emotions—sometimes clarity comes when you step back and look at the bigger picture with honesty and patience.

13 things to do if you’re feeling confused in a relationship

Dealing with relationship confusion can be daunting, especially when you’re uncertain about your feelings and future together. Whether you’re puzzled about your long-term compatibility or your day-to-day interactions, it’s important to approach these feelings thoughtfully. 

Here are a couple of tips to help you clarify your emotions and decisions when you’re confused about staying in a relationship.

1. Give things time

As they say, “Time heals all wounds.” If you are in a relatively new relationship and are experiencing mixed emotions, this may be normal.

It could be that you just need more time to get to know your significant other and decide if you have a true connection as well as interests and values in common. If you have relationship confusion now, give things a few months to settle.

If you still find that you can’t be yourself around your partner or simply don’t have anything in common, it may be time to move on.

• Try doing this: Set a timeline for reevaluation, such as three months from now, to assess your feelings and the relationship’s progress.

2. Talk with your significant other

If you’re feeling confused in a relationship, there is a chance your partner has the same mixed emotions. Sit down and talk. It could be a simple misunderstanding, and getting on the same page can help you to deal with mixed feelings.

Sometimes, you can even resolve confusion just by taking the time to talk and gain an understanding of each other’s thoughts, desires, and needs.

• Try doing this: Schedule a specific time to have an open discussion about your feelings without distractions.

3. Maintain your own interests and friendships

If you are feeling confused about your relationship, it may be that you are unsure if this person fits into your lifestyle or shares any of your interests.

Instead of focusing entirely on your relationship, be sure to take time to nurture your friendships and pursue your own interests. This can help you to find out if you can still maintain your own identity within this relationship.

If your partner joins you in some of your activities, you may even learn that you have more in common than you realized. On the other hand, if you find your partner doesn’t support your interests, this may not be the relationship for you.

• Try doing this: Plan weekly activities just for you or with friends to ensure you keep your personal interests alive.

4. Evaluate whether your relationship is healthy

If you are confused in a relationship, your mixed emotions could be a result of the relationship being unhealthy. Pause to evaluate whether this is the case.

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner should be able to communicate openly and be respectful of each other.

If you are afraid to share your feelings with your partner, or difficult conversations result in name-calling and degrading comments from your partner, the relationship is not healthy. And this indicates that it is time to move on.

• Try doing this: Create a list of must-haves in a relationship and check if your current relationship meets these standards.

5. Recognize that your feelings may be normal

Love can be confusing, whether you are unsure of where your relationship is headed, or you have concerns that your partner might not be the perfect mate for you. If you are experiencing confusion in your relationship, grant yourself some grace.

You may just be experiencing the normal feelings that can sometimes come with romantic relationships.

If you have taken the previous four steps and realize that your relationship is healthy and interests in common with your partner, it may be time to just relax and enjoy the process.

Maybe your confusion is simply the result of overthinking, and you are making your mixed emotions into a bigger deal than they really are. Love can be rewarding, so take some time to experience it without the anxiety.

• Try doing this: Keep a daily journal of your feelings and thoughts about the relationship to track patterns and triggers.

6. Reflect on your feelings

Take some time to reflect on your own emotions and thoughts about the relationship. Consider what specifically is causing confusion and how it makes you feel. Journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist can help you gain insight into your own perspective.

Psychologist Mert Şeker points out,

Considering emotions in a complex relationship has a number of important benefits. First, understanding and appreciating emotions can increase the capacity to understand and resolve emotional dynamics between individuals.

Second, appreciating emotions can enable people to connect more deeply with themselves. Understanding one’s own emotional responses and needs can promote personal growth and increase self-esteem. Finally, thinking about emotions can be an important step in addressing problems in the relationship.

• Try doing this: Spend 15 minutes each day in reflection or journaling to articulate your emotions and identify the sources of your confusion.

7. Communicate openly

Initiate an open and honest conversation with your partner about your confusion. Share your concerns, doubts, and questions in a non-confrontational manner. 

• Try doing this: Write down your concerns and questions before the conversation to ensure all points are addressed when you talk with your partner.

8. Seek perspective

Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist to gain an outside perspective on your relationship. Sometimes, an unbiased opinion can shed light on aspects you may not have considered or help validate your feelings.

• Try doing this: Arrange a meeting with a trusted friend or family member to discuss your relationship concerns and gain their insight.

9. Set boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries can provide a sense of stability and clarity within the relationship. Communicate your needs and expectations to your partner, and ensure they respect and honor them. Boundaries can help create a healthier dynamic and reduce confusion.

• Try doing this: Clearly define what behaviors are acceptable and what are deal-breakers, and communicate these boundaries to your partner.

10. Take a break or space

If the confusion persists and becomes overwhelming, consider taking a temporary break or creating space to gather your thoughts and emotions. This break can provide you with the opportunity to evaluate the relationship from a different perspective and gain clarity about your feelings and needs.

• Try doing this: If needed, plan a weekend away alone or with friends to reflect on your relationship independently.

11. Trust your intuition

Ultimately, trust your own intuition and instincts. If something feels consistently off or confusing despite your efforts to address it, it may be a sign that the relationship is not aligned with your needs and values. 

Trusting yourself and your judgment can lead you towards making decisions that are in your best interest.

• Try doing this: Spend some quiet time alone to listen to your gut feelings about the relationship without external influence.

12. Prioritize self-care

Invest in your well-being by engaging in activities that promote relaxation and happiness. Self-care enhances your mental clarity and emotional resilience, enabling you to better assess your feelings about the relationship. 

When you’re well-cared for, decisions about complex relationship issues become clearer and less overwhelming, which is essential when you’re confused about what to do in a relationship.

• Try doing this: Choose an activity you love that relaxes you, such as yoga or reading, and integrate it into your daily routine.

To learn more about the secret ingredient to self-care, watch this video:

13. Explore couple’s therapy

Consider couple’s therapy as a constructive space to unpack feelings of confusion with a neutral third party. 

A therapist can facilitate deeper insights into each partner’s emotions and behaviors, helping both of you understand the roots of your confusion and learn strategies to foster clearer communication and stronger connections. This can be particularly helpful when you’re questioning why you are confused about your feelings for him.

• Try doing this: Research and contact a couple’s therapist to discuss starting sessions together, focusing on communication and understanding each other’s perspectives.

Takeaway

If you find yourself confused in a relationship or feeling confused about the relationship, remember that taking action is the first step toward clarity. 

Addressing your confusion head-on can transform uncertainty into a path for personal growth and stronger bonds. Engage in open dialogue, set clear boundaries, and reflect on your personal needs. 

Consult a therapist if the challenges seem overwhelming. By proactively dealing with your concerns, you can make informed decisions that prioritize your happiness and well-being. 

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support from friends or professionals. Your emotional health is paramount, and taking these steps can lead to a more fulfilling relationship, whether with your current partner or in future relationships.