20 Obvious Signs He Doesn’t Value You

Being valued in a relationship means more than just telling a person that you enjoy having them around. It encompasses various behavioral traits that indicate that your opinion of them matters to them and they want to look out for you in all ways. 

In a relationship, one of the signs he doesn’t value you is if he only calls when he doesn’t have anything else happening. If he valued you, you would feel like you meant something in his life, appreciated, cared for, a sense of respect. 

You wouldn’t be brushed to the side when a better opportunity comes along. In this situation, the genuinely sad thing is not that your mate doesn’t value you but that you don’t feel enough value in yourself to recognize when someone treats you like an option and believe you deserve more than that. 

Self-worth and allowing someone else to impact that should be unacceptable. The objective is to learn how to walk away from someone who doesn’t want you with your head held high and your self-confidence intact. 

Related Reading: 10 Things to Do if You Feeling Unappreciated in a Relationship

What does it mean when a man values you

When a man values his mate, that person becomes a high point in their life, not a second thought. 

A valuable partner is someone you see as an invaluable sense of support who makes you strive to do more and be the better version of yourself. Values to people are something they hold in high regard.

When a man values you, he makes it a point that you are a priority in his life and he showers you with love, care and attention. Your opinion makes a difference to them and they want you to have the best opinion of them.

20 telltale signs he doesn’t value you

You have to ask yourself, “what do you value in a relationship” and see if that is something mutual you’re getting from your mate. You can attempt to figure out how to make a man value you, but it’s not likely to change if he doesn’t treat you right. 

And why would you want to force that instead of finding something real with someone who genuinely loves, respects, and truly values you? Let’s look at signs he doesn’t care about the relationship.

1. Lack of respect when speaking to you

There is a rude disregard for how your mate talks to you and in front of you. At one point in the beginning, there may have been manners and a sense of respect. That has faded with time. Now there are signs he doesn’t value you in his tone and language.

Related Reading: 20 Signs of Disrespect in a Relationship and How to Deal With It

2. He strays

Whenever the two of you are not together, you notice signs he doesn’t value you by the way people whisper of the other people your partner is seen out behind your back. 

When a man doesn’t value you, it’s easy to sneak around with other people without concern for your feelings.

3. Never available for you

Everyone has many things happening in their life and a relatively hectic schedule, but the people they hold valuable are always a priority. 

When a man ignores your value, there is always something that takes precedence to the point there’s no time to return a message or a phone call. These are unmistakable signs he doesn’t value you or care about you.

Related Reading: 20 Signs He Doesn’t Care About You or the Relationship

4. Accepting but not giving

You can see signs he doesn’t value you when there are requests for you to take care of things that your partner doesn’t have time for, perhaps errands or chores.

But, there is no intention to oblige when you ask the same in return. If the mate does help, it’s a lackluster effort, so there’s not another request to do anything again.

5. Important dates are ignored

Signs he doesn’t appreciate you include not caring when a critical date comes around even after reminding your mate of the day’s significance. One of the critical signs he doesn’t value you is that there’s no visible effort to celebrate or gesture to signify caring.

Related Reading: 15 Relationship Milestones That Are Worth Celebrating

6. If you pay for everything

If you have to ask, “Does he value me” when you’re paying for everything, that’s a sign of poor self-worth. A mate will show caring by taking their partner out, buying small gestures, and doing other things. When this person pays for nothing, you can safely say, “he doesn’t value me.”

7. Initiating contact

When he doesn’t value you, you will be the one making contact first in every situation, text messages, phone calls, even stopping by for lunch during the workday. When a mate doesn’t engage, these are obvious signs he doesn’t value you.

8. Plans don’t include you

When making plans, your partner forgets to include you. When inquiring what the mate is up to, the answer is unclear but definitive that you’re not involved. Discussing the future is generally off the table since there is little likelihood the two of you will have one.

9. Your opinion is not important

When you attempt to put in your opinion on specific topics like what you think about a job project or moving to another position in your mate’s career, there is little interest in what you have to say. 

You generally won’t know what’s happening until the last minute or even after the decision has already been made.

Related Reading: 10 Things to Do if You Feeling Unappreciated in a Relationship

10. When he needs you, he’ll call

When there’s no other option, he’ll reach out to you. It doesn’t matter that it comes across as though you’re being used. The importance is that there be a need met. 

After attending an important event, having sex, or whatever their need may be, the partner returns to being distant and rude. When he treats you like an option, you should treat it as one of the signs he doesn’t value you. 

11. Avoiding sex

The only times there is sex is when there is a desperate need since that is reserved for strengthening a bond, and that’s the furthest thing a mate who doesn’t value someone wants to do. If your partner makes excuses when attempting to be intimate, there’s little caring and no value.

Research shows that relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction go hand-in-hand. Avoiding sex becomes a marker that he doesn’t value you in a real way. 

12. The phone is a vital component

When your mate is away, your calls and texts go unanswered, but when the two of you are together, the mobile is an attachment. There is no conversation, mostly ignoring you while your partner consistently looks at the screen.

13. Not spending time together

Signs he doesn’t value you include not wanting to do anything as a couple. In the beginning, you may have spent countless moments together, taking holidays, going to events, having date nights. Now, there’s no effort to spend any time as partners.

Watch this video to learn about how quality time together can impact a relationship:

14. Nothing makes you feel special anymore

There was a time when you would receive flowers for no reason or notes as a gesture of love. 

Since there is no longer value placed on you as a person, the individual finds it unnecessary to go out of the way to do extraordinary things. The idea is to find a way to break ties.

15. There’s no effort with the partnership

It takes two people to make a relationship work. Since there’s no desire to keep the partnership thriving on your mate’s part, it all falls on you. 

Research shows that effort is an important element of relationship stability and satisfaction. When you see that you’re doing all the work, you need to ask yourself if this is the sort of person you want to keep in your life.

16. Fighting but not making up

You might apologize and attempt to make up when there’s a disagreement, but your mate makes no effort to do so. The fact that you’re upset or sad makes no difference to your partner; instead, he’d prefer to maintain his ego.

17. Your life circumstances are of no interest

When you have a mate, that person is the first one you want to share the news with, but when this person has no interest in your life, the details fall flat. 

Your partner should encourage and motivate you, especially if it’s a promotion or a new career choice but apparent signs he doesn’t value you mean he doesn’t even listen when you share.

18. Your male friends don’t bother him

A little jealousy is natural and should be expected when a mate is genuinely into a partner. When someone doesn’t value you, caring about whether you have male friends or interest in someone else is of little concern to them. The mate would probably encourage the flirtation.

19. The protective quality is no longer there

A mate is generally protective of the ones they love and defend their honor. Once those qualities disappear, these are signs he doesn’t value you and no longer cares for you.

20. Couples’ therapy is a “no”

When you ask your mate to attend couples’ therapy to work through the issues you’re having, there is an emphatic no. 

Life Coach Krystle Laughter, in her book ‘He Doesn’t Love You If…,’ shares that if a guy still values you, then he will be willing to do everything necessary, including counseling, to make things better.

If your partner is not interested in making improvements or changing the behavior that’s making you unhappy, your recourse is to deal with it or walk away. 

How do you make him realize your value

When you begin to realize your own worth, a mate will stop and start to think about what they’re losing. You can’t force someone to recognize your value. 

If they don’t care, they won’t care unless you find ways to show them a reason to. But you can begin to value yourself and not allow yourself to be treated poorly. That will have the most significant impact. Let’s look at ways to do that.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Know Your Self-worth in a Relationship

1. Disappear yourself

The way to make a mate see how essential you genuinely are to their life and recognize the fact they take you for granted is to make yourself as unavailable to your partner as they are to you. 

Take the time to do for yourself all the things you’ve been neglecting to mind your mate’s needs. Once there’s an opportunity to miss you, the partner will come to see a potential mistake from not valuing the person they had.

2. Don’t initiate contact

Instead of always being the first person to initiate contact, whether messaging, calling, or even expressing love, it’s time to stop doing the chasing and allow your mate the opportunity to pursue. 

If there’s the slightest chance that your partner believes they might have lost your attention, pursuing might begin from their end.

3. Let go of helping

It’s a given that mates help each other taking care of errands and chores. Still, it begins to take a toll when only one is doing these things.

If you stop taking care of these things, it will show that you’ll no longer be taken for granted and indicate what a hand you had in handling varied aspects of your mate’s life.

4. Start saying “no”

When you start standing up for yourself, it speaks volumes about your own self-worth and will begin to show your mate the level of value you hold as a person. 

No one wants to be a pushover allowing another person to be rude and disrespectful, and you don’t have to be treated that way. It’s okay to say “stop.”

5. Communicate

After doing all these things and finally capturing some attention, open a line of communication expressing how your mate has been devaluing you and that you’d like to make things work.

Still, perhaps counseling is necessary, so this kind of thing doesn’t happen a second time. Let your partner know; the next time will be the last.

What should you do if he doesn’t value you

If someone doesn’t value you, especially a romantic partner, you must grab hold of your own worth. You don’t want someone to steal your self-confidence. A relationship that’s hurtful where someone treats you poorly is not worth that.

Once a mate sees that you value yourself more than the partnership, they will start to see their behavior as crass and hopefully make changes to maintain something vital to them at one time, and they want to make it essential again.

Final thought

When you allow someone to devalue you, they will run with that. It will worsen before it gets better with rude behavior and disrespectful talk. No one deserves to be treated that way, nor should you want a relationship that functions like that. 

If a mate is unwilling to seek counseling to correct this type of behavior, you must do so to see why you would deny your self-worth. A professional can help you regain it and lead you towards a healthier lifestyle and eventually a new partnership.