Break or Break Up? How to Choose the Right Way

There comes a time in our lives when the heart opens up to someone; the stomach becomes too small to contain the butterflies fluttering inside. 

The mind can’t think of anything else but that one person who has suddenly become the reason behind our smile.

You both can’t keep your hands to yourself and can’t bear to stay apart from each other (no thanks to responsibility). 

Everything seems rosy and dreamlike until it’s time to wake up.

Screaming becomes the order of the day, and yelling is the only way you communicate with each other. 

Anything other than that is silence which can last for as long as the next day. You no longer understand your partner. They are not who you fell for in the beginning. Is it the time to take a break or break up?

You are confused and unsure if you have reasons to break up or want to stay because a part of you still believes in the connection you shared in the past. But the situation gets worse each day than the previous day, giving you reasons to break up and why you both should be apart instead of together. 

At this point, it’s either breaking up or giving each other a break/ space, especially when you have tried to make it work, but it’s just not working.

What does a break mean in a relationship?

Suppose things are going south, the spark is missing in your relationship, and you decide to take some time off each other and call it a break. 

Taking a break in a relationship means that a couple has decided to spend some time apart to reflect on the relationship temporarily. This time apart helps them determine what they want and work through any issues or challenges they may face.

Dionne Eleanor, Relationship & Empowerment Mentor, says, 

A break isn’t about walking away; it’s about stepping back to see the bigger picture.

A break in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship will end. Sometimes, a couple might need time apart to figure out things in their lives. 

This can help ensure that their break is productive and helpful for their relationship. 

When should couples take a break?

If a couple faces communication challenges or fails to understand each other but wants to continue with the relationship. It is advisable to take some time off from the relationship. 

This time can be used to overcome challenges such as emotional disconnection, communication problems, personal issues, etc. This time will help you decide whether to take a break or break up will be appropriate. 

Being in a relationship can be overwhelming, but this break might provide the much-needed time and space to reflect on the relationship. 

It will be more beneficial if both partners discuss the reasons for taking the break honestly and clearly. It will give both of them a clear picture of what to expect after the break.

Taking a break should be approached with empathy and a willingness to work together to address the underlying issues between them. 

Is taking a break right for your relationship?

Taking a break from a relationship hasn’t been positively promoted, as most times, couples end up breaking the entire relationship after the break. 

However, some couples utilize the break to reflect on their relationship and fall back together even stronger. 

Sometimes taking a break can work out fine. Other times, taking a break can be a sign that the relationship is not working. Some people stay committed during the break, and some decide to see other people. 

The rules during the break are different for every couple, depending on why the break is being taken. 

Whether the communication is allowed with each other, if commitment is still there or if they can see other people, how long the break will last, etc.

It’s important to establish clear guidelines and expectations before taking a break. The decision should be taken carefully and focused on using it as an opportunity to work on personal growth. 

5 reasons to break up instead of taking a break?

Dionne Eleanor, Relationship & Empowerment Mentor, notes, 

A break should never be a way to avoid the issues at hand. Instead, it should be a time for each person to come back with clarity and a willingness to rebuild.

You are not sure you want them out of your life. You are unsure of your reasons for breaking up with your partner. You are not sure about whether to take a break or break up. 

Either way, feelings after relationship breakups, that is, heartbreak, are inevitable whether you break up with them or give each other a break. The heart will always want what it wants, even when you two no longer talk. 

So why not break up? Here are some of the serious reasons to break up:

1. It won’t keep you guessing

There is something different about building your hope around love and watching it fall apart. Similarly, it gives you immense pleasure when you don’t keep hope that things won’t fall apart.

When there is a reason to break up with someone, it is assumed that the people involved will return stronger after the couple breaks up. 

But what happens when, after the break-up- one person is hopeful about the relationship while the other is uncertain?

It becomes a deep pain that could have been avoided for the hopeful party, who perhaps has built castles in the air during the break on how things would be perfect. 

It is equally painful for the party who is doubtful of the relationship, knowing the reason for the break but didn’t know the feelings were never returning after the break.

Why not make it a sharp pain like when you are pricked with a needle by breaking up?

Dionne Eleanor, Relationship & Empowerment Mentor, highlights, 

Honest communication isn’t always easy, but it’s essential for understanding where we truly stand.

2. No uncertain waiting 

Your whole being would be conditioned to feel the pain from the heartache, especially if you still have lingering feelings. 

Unlike giving each other a break, where you don’t know what to expect, whether you will come back still in love or out of love. A relationship is something you don’t force. It takes two to tango before it can work. 

So what happens when one party is still in love while the other is out of love? It becomes complicated, something you both were trying to avoid.

Break up, and the heart will heal when you give it time. Give it a break and place a gamble on your heart. You might know what to do after the breakup or what to expect.

3. Experience new love

What do you do when you meet someone on break in your relationship?

Of course, you would say no if you still have feelings for your ‘on break’ partner, or you would say yes if you no longer have feelings. 

But there is also a slight chance that you wouldn’t care if you still have feelings or not and go with the flow. 

The bottom line is that your decision will be influenced by the ‘on-break’ relationship situation and will hurt you or your partner.

Again this is the answer to what are good reasons to break up. You both would know where you stand in each other’s lives and are open to a new experience that won’t hurt either of you.

Life is all about change, and change comes with new experiences. We live, love, and die.

Breaking up will give you room for new experiences and not restrict you from the uncertainty of a break in a relationship.

And you can, through that experience, decide what is best for you.

Related Reading: What Is Love? Meaning, History, Signs and Types

4. Build yourself again

The goal is to fall and rise again stronger, not to remain down. After breaking up, the next step is to heal and build yourself again to become a better person. It doesn’t matter if you want to be single or mingle again.

The uncertainty in giving each other a break is like a time bomb waiting to detonate. You won’t heal from the pain that caused the breakup if you don’t learn anything from it.

In the video below, Psychologist Guy Winch reveals how recovering from heartbreak starts with a determination to fight our instincts to idealize and search for answers that aren’t there.

5. Inner growth

Another reason to break up with someone is that it gives you time to heal, discover yourself again, analyze what you did wrong, and avoid it in your next relationship.

A break in a relationship will give you something to look forward to, and we all know what happens when our expectations are not met.

Don’t spend time counting the days until you see your partner again instead of living the days. We all make mistakes, but it stops being a mistake if we make the same mistake every day. 

Instead of giving each other a break, why not rediscover yourself again? 

Related Reading: 10 Opportunities for Relationship Growth

Commonly asked questions

Here are the most discussed questions related to the break, breakup, and the reasons for break up. 

• Can a break save a relationship?

A break’s success depends on both partners’ willingness, clear communication, and rules. 

If done honestly, a break can potentially save a relationship and resolve underlying issues of the relationship. 

It is important to understand that simply taking a break alone does not get you the desired solution, but if you reflect on what you want, you will find the solution you need. 

You can also seek help from a relationship therapist to get more clarity about being on a break in a relationship.

• When do you realize your relationship is over?

A couple usually knows their relationship has gotten over before they admit it. 

Many people avoid breaking up as they don’t want to experience the painful process that comes with it. However, here are points that indicate that your relationship might be over. 

• You can find it difficult to communicate with each other
• Most of your conversations are arguments 
• You feel unhappy and unfulfilled in your relationship
• You both are no longer in physical or emotional intimacy 
• You don’t see a future together
• You have different goals and aspirations in life
• Thoughts of infidelity have crossed your mind

Dionne Eleanor, Relationship & Empowerment Mentor, states, 

Sometimes, silence isn’t the absence of words, but the absence of connection.

Takeaway

This is something that will help you in life, in your next relationship, or if you want to get back together. Break or break up will always be a question that needs to be clarified. 

However, depending on your relationship, you can continue or finish things. In the end, the ball is still in your court. These reasons for breaking up will guide you to make the best decision for yourself. 

But in all, remember that breaking up doesn’t mean you can’t ever get back together.

Dionne Eleanor concludes, 

When we’re caught between two decisions, it’s a sign that we need to listen to our hearts, not just to the noise around us.