11 Steps to Assist Moving on After the Death of a Spouse

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They say that death plays a natural role in the circle of life, but as anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one will tell you – there’s nothing that feels ‘natural’ about it at all.

The journal goes on to say that, of 71 psychiatric unit patients surveyed, 31% were admitted due to bereavement after the loss of a husband or wife.

If nothing else, this study shows that no one is prepared to lose someone they love. Moving on after the death of a spouse feels like an impossible task.

When all you want to do is wallow, how can you possibly think of moving on with your life? Keep reading for helpful steps about moving on after the death of your spouse.

How does death affect relationships?

When you are grieving, you aren’t yourself. This affects how death affects relationships with your friends and family.

Moving on after the death of a spouse will feel like some unknown, distant future. Relationships may be strained or strengthened in the aftermath of the loss of a husband or wife.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker, 

Someone who has lost his or her spouse may go into a deep mourning process. Feelings of shock and denial may prevail in the first moments. Then begins a process in which he has to deal with a great feeling of emptiness, loneliness and helplessness. The pain of loss may lessen over time, but the loss of a loved one always leaves a mark on the heart. 

You may also notice:

• You may constantly feel lonely and need people around/desire more affection from loved ones
• You might find it hard to laugh or enjoy the things you used to like doing
• You may feel spiteful toward happy couples
• The family might get quiet or awkward when you are around
• You may feel like you can’t connect with former friends
• You may have developed anxiety after the death of a lover
• You might feel ostracized from your late spouse’s family/feel left out of family events

There may also be well-meaning friends and family who want you to get “back to normal” and start acting like yourself again. This is especially true if you have been in mourning for years.

But can you really get over the death of a loved one? The answer is complicated, as there is no guidebook for how to mourn the death of a spouse.

Grieving the loss of a spouse changes you, and perhaps there is a spot in your heart that will always be broken. Your emotional needs and outlook on life have been altered.

Keep reading to find out how to rebuild your life after losing everything.

11 steps for moving on after the death of a spouse

Finding purpose after the death of a spouse may feel like an impossible task, but the death of a marriage does not mean the eternal death of your happiness.

Do you want to learn how to find joy in your hobbies again? Date after the death of a spouse?

Keep reading to learn some helpful things to do to cope with the loss of a husband or wife. And remember that moving on after the death of a spouse is possible.

1. Allow yourself to grieve the death of a spouse

Your friends are no doubt eager to see you happy again, but this is not something to expect to happen overnight.

The loss of a husband or wife will take time to heal from. You need time to process your feelings and allow yourself as long as it takes.

Grief is not linear. It comes and goes. At times, you may feel like yourself again, only to be triggered by something simple like a song or a memory.

Do not hurry your grieving process. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and work through them naturally to move on after your spouse’s death.

2. Surround yourself with your loved ones

If you have been thinking about, “My spouse has passed away, what do I do,” then you are not alone. Moving on after the death of a spouse is possible!

Those who are grieving often feel lost when thinking of moving on after the death of a spouse. One of the best things you can do is surround yourself with a support system.

Learning to accept the death of a spouse takes time. Make it easier by surrounding yourself with trusted loved ones.

3. Avoid making big decisions

The loss of a husband or wife can impair your decision-making skills. Avoid making any big changes in your life, such as changing your job religion, ending friendships, dating too soon, or moving.

4. Preserve your memories

The act of preserving memories encourages keeping items and photographs that remind you of your spouse to honor their memory. This process allows you to cherish the positive moments and stories you shared. 

For example, you might create a memory box containing letters, trinkets, or items that hold sentimental value. Looking through these mementos can provide comfort and a sense of connection with your late spouse. 

Looking at things that remind you of your spouse is a way to keep their presence alive in your heart, providing a source of solace and a means to share their legacy with future generations.

5. Accept your emotions

Accepting your emotions is a crucial step in the grieving process. It involves acknowledging and allowing yourself to experience a wide range of emotions without judgment. 

For example, you may feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of happiness amid grief. Acceptance means understanding that these emotions are natural and that healing doesn’t follow a linear path.

Embracing your feelings, both positive and negative, can help you process your loss more effectively and gradually find a sense of peace and acceptance in your life after the death of your spouse.

6. Set new routines 

Even though this might be a difficult time for you, try to gradually establish a different daily structure to adapt to life without your spouse. 

For example, if your spouse handled certain household responsibilities, like cooking, you might begin cooking for yourself or exploring new meal options. If you share leisure activities, consider trying new hobbies or revisiting old interests independently or with friends. 

New routines can help you regain a sense of normalcy, reduce feelings of emptiness, and provide a structured framework for healing and moving forward in your life after the loss.

7. Look into counseling

The loss of a husband or wife can be hard on you, especially if you are going through your grief alone.

A grief counselor can help you develop coping mechanisms, identify strategies to help you go about your daily life, learn to cope with loss and accept death, and find comfort in positive memories. 

Grief therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment to explore your feelings, learn coping strategies, and work through the grieving process. 

For example, a therapist might help you process feelings of guilt or anger and offer guidance on managing the practical challenges of adjusting to life without your spouse. Ultimately, therapy can facilitate emotional healing, allowing you to move forward while honoring your spouse’s memory gradually.

Psychologist Mert Şeker points out, 

Receiving therapy during the grief process can provide important support in coping with the emotional difficulties brought by loss. A therapist can offer effective strategies to ease a person’s emotional burden, encourage emotional expression, and improve loss coping skills.

8. Take care of yourself

It may take years to accept the death of a spouse, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore your personal needs.

When grieving, depression may cause you to push your needs to the wayside, but you must continue to get enough food and water, exercise, sleep, and maintain a social life. Also, try to visit your doctor and talk about any issues you are dealing with

All these things are equally important for moving on after the death of a spouse.

9. Find a support group

Finding a support group online or in person can be incredibly helpful for those dealing with the loss of a husband or wife.

Not only will others be able to relate to you in a way that your friends and family may not, but it can make you feel good to help someone who is finding purpose after the death of a spouse.

10. Educate others on how to help you

Dealing with the death of a spouse is easier when you have people you can talk to, but friends and family don’t always know the right things to say.

Explain to those close to you how to help someone who is grieving the loss of a spouse as this will help them in being there for you in meaningful ways. 

11. Don’t be afraid of the future

The loss of a husband or wife is a hard pill to swallow. Accepting the death of a spouse means accepting that your life is going to take a different path than you had expected.

After you have given yourself time to heal, start looking toward the future.

Instead of dwelling on your pain, shift your focus to something you can look forward to, such as traveling, making big plans with friends, and dating,

The loss of a husband or wife does not mean that you are forbidden from moving on with your love life. Your late spouse would have wanted you to move on and experience love and happiness again.

Watch this video to learn how being afraid of the future could be a symptom of your past:

Remember that everyone’s grief journey is unique, and there is no timeline for healing. Be patient with yourself and take the time you need to navigate this challenging period in your life.

Commonly asked questions

The grieving process after the death of a spouse is deeply personal and varies from person to person. Here are concise responses to some questions that might cross your mind:

• How long should you wait to move on after your spouse dies?

The timing for moving on after a spouse’s death is subjective and differs for everyone. It’s essential to prioritize your emotional healing and readiness over a specific timeframe. Rushing into a new relationship may not be emotionally healthy, but when you feel ready, it’s okay to explore new connections.

• Is it okay to move on after the death of a spouse?

Yes, it’s entirely okay to move on after the death of a spouse. Grief doesn’t have a fixed timeline, and healing looks different for each person. When you’re emotionally prepared and open to new relationships, it’s a personal decision to make. 

Remember, your loved one would want you to find happiness and fulfillment.

• How do you start a new life after your spouse dies?

Starting a new life after the death of a spouse involves gradual adjustments. Begin by focusing on self-care, seeking support, and rebuilding routines. Rediscover your passions and interests and consider professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to navigate the emotional journey of grief.

• What is the hardest part of losing a spouse?

The most challenging aspect of losing a spouse varies for each person. However, common difficulties include coping with the emotional void, adjusting to loneliness, and dealing with the practical responsibilities your spouse once handled. 

Grief can also bring up complex emotions like guilt or anger, adding to the difficulty of the grieving process. So, grief after the death of a spouse should be dealt with in a compassionate and patient manner. 

Mert Şeker notes that,

The most difficult part of losing your spouse is the emotional emptiness that comes with suddenly losing a relationship that is a part of your life, full of love, support and commitment. This loss involves not only a life partner, but also a trusted friend, shared memories and dreams for the future.

Final thoughts

Grief after the death of a spouse is completely normal. How long you grieve the loss of a husband or wife is up to you.

If you find yourself repeating, “My husband died, and I am so lonely,” don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones for support. Try to keep a journal of your feelings. This is a healthy outlet when you don’t feel like talking to others.

Find a support group or counselor. A counselor can help you learn how to accept death and the role it plays in your marriage and will offer helpful tips in grieving the loss of a spouse.

Be vocal. If you feel “I’m missing my husband who died,” don’t be afraid to tell your support system or write down how you’re feeling.

Moving on after the death of a spouse may feel like some unknown, distant future, but you can get there if you follow these steps in dealing with the death of a loved one.

Do not force yourself to quickly get over the death of a loved one. Healing takes time.