Flexibility or Honesty in a Relationship, What Matters More?

Are you a bamboo, or oak tree, in your love and relationships?

An interesting question, isn’t it?

So, for yourself, what matters most in a relationship? Honesty in a relationship or flexibility in your relationships?

Are you a bamboo tree, swaying in the wind’s, or are you an oak tree, firmly planted in your beliefs, actions, and mindset regarding love and relationships?

For the past 30 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, Master Life Coach, and Minister David Essel has been helping people first to evaluate where they are in life, and then second, to make changes necessary to improve their everyday existence.

Below, David talks about the difference between the importance of honesty in a relationship and the benefits of flexibility in relationships.

“Over 20 years ago, when we created our top-selling course, “codependency kills, “I gave the very first client that went through our program the task of trying to figure out if they were a “bamboo tree or oak tree“ in their intimate relationships and friendships.

I’ll never forget the look on her face, eyes wide open, as he said, “David, I have no idea what the heck you’re talking about! Bamboo? OK?“

We both sat there laughing, as I understood her dilemma because very few people use the analogies of being a bamboo tree or an oak tree when it comes to evaluating our friendships and love relationships.

In our new top-selling book, “Love and relationship secrets… That everyone needs to know!“ I go into detail explaining how individuals with “a bamboo tree mentality, “are normally very codependent nature; they’re afraid of rocking the boat, shaking the tree, in case their opinions or belief systems are opposite of those individuals in their inner circle.

Does that make sense?

Bamboo or oak tree – what are you?

The “bamboo tree personality“, sways with whoever they are with. So if they’re talking to a group of Democrats, they’re supporting the democratic concepts and or president potentials.

When they’re worth a group of Republicans, these individuals will often sway the other way and agree with individuals regarding the Republican philosophy, so as not to upset anyone.

It sounds like a good plan, to never have anyone upset with you, but it 100% destroys the chances of real intimacy, which we describe as “110% honesty.“

Now, on the other hand, if you’re an oak tree, very solid in your beliefs about love, money, politics, religion… You have no problem whatsoever expressing your opinions, not in order to disagree with someone or to get into an argument, but just because you’re that secure in who you are.

As we discussed in the book, people who have very firm beliefs and opinions will eventually surround themselves with people who are also very open and honest in nature, which I hope is the quest of everyone on this planet.

It’s not enough to be liked or included; it’s more important to be respected even if your viewpoints are different than the people you hang around with.

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So one of the greatest secrets that we offer in this book, that will help you become a more solid, confident and person filled with self-love, is, to be honest with everyone around you about your opinions, without having to shove them down anyone’s throat.

But just be open and honest to the strength you have within, and share that strength with others regardless if they understand, agree and/or accept your beliefs or not.

Honesty in relationships is the path of the independent person, and it is through your independence that you will eventually find deep, meaningful relationships and friendships.“

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David Essel Counselor

David Essel, M.S. is the best selling author of 9 books, a counselor and master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy,... Read more Wayne Dyer, Kenny Loggins and Mark Victor Hansen. David accepts new clients monthly via Skype and phone sessions from anywhere. Read less

(David Essel is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Fort Myers)

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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