6 Things to Remember If You Get Back Together With Your Ex

Marriage.com Editorial Team

Expertise: Relationship & Marriage Advice

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Updated: 23 Apr, 2023

Table of Contents

Assess the problems you had before and address them so you don't repeat the same issues, giving your reunion a real chance to grow.
Return for the right reasons, not from loneliness, and give yourself time to grieve and gain clarity before you decide to rejoin, so it stays healthy.
Forgive, commit, and start slowly by letting go of past hurt, choosing a lasting commitment, and treating the relationship as a fresh start that you build together.

It’s not unusual for couples to get back together after they have broken up, it’s so common in fact most of the couples have rekindled their relationships with a partner who they had initially broken things off from.

But despite such promising statistics getting back together after a relationship is not easy, and many factors will affect your relationship in the future if you get back together that you’ll need to consider and navigate.

Here are the main factors that affect your relationship in the future if you get back together

1. Assess the problems you had before and put them right

The biggest challenge that you will face as a couple who has rekindled their relationship is to work through whatever problems you had, the issues that caused you to split up in the first place.

In some situations, couples may split up because they were about to get serious and they want to know that they are making the right commitment choices, in others, perhaps your lifestyles keep you apart either physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually.

If you broke up because you drifted apart, you’d need to ask yourself how you can make sure that this time you won’t do that again?

Other reasons for separation can be down to a lack of trust, which can promote trust issues if you rekindle. Infidelity is an example of a problem that can cause a lack of trust.

All of these issues should be addressed before you reunite. Otherwise, you’ll end up in the same situation once again which wastes both of your time and energy and is not a healthy situation to be in.

2. Get back together for the right reasons

Don’t think that just because you are lonely, feel alone or miss your ex that they are all good reasons to get back together, they are not. It’s much healthier to go through the grieving process of breaking up and finding yourself back in a clear frame of mind before you decide to return to a relationship.

Going back to a relationship just to fill in an emotional gap can lead to the same problems in your relationship as you had before. It’s a cycle that doesn’t need to keep repeating.

If you allow yourself the time to find the clarity you need, then if you do decide to return to the relationship, you’ll know for sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.

3. Acknowledge that your relationship will not be the same as before

Don’t go back to a relationship thinking that you’ll enjoy the same type of honeymoon period that you had before, or that you’ll just get straight back into things as they were before.

You will have both changed and will be needed to change to bring you back together otherwise you wouldn’t have separated in the first place.

Treat this relationship as you would a new relationship and let go of all of your expectations to give it the best chance of being successful this time.

4. Forgiveness is vital

Forgiveness is vital

Whether you separated because one or the other partner was cheating, you had stern words and hurt each other, or you fell out over an argument over family obligations or something else, it shouldn’t matter now.

As long as you have learned the lessons and vowed to yourself and your partner that the situation is over and will never occur again, then it’s time to forgive and let go of all of the ways that you felt hurt by your partner in the past.

Even if they cheated.

It’s crucial, to give your relationship the best chance, that you start over with a clean slate and if you can’t do that, you are probably not ready to get back together. If you can’t forgive them and let it go, then your relationship is going to be on the rocks in no time.

Of course, if your partner cheats again, then it might be time to let them go for real.

5. Take it slowly

Before you split up, you may have lived together, or may have been dating and in a routine for years, and now you are back to it again.

Don’t be quick to jump back into the same old routines, instead take it slow and take your time.

This strategy will give you time to adjust and re-evaluate your relationship as time passes. It will also give you a chance to address any issues that arise from the past and work on changing them so that you can create the best relationship together.

Steaming back into a relationship too quickly will not give either partner any opportunity to breathe and be conscious about where the relationship is going and what they are doing together now and in the future.

6. If you get back together commit to it for real

Some relationships run through multiple cycles of being on and then off, and then on and then off – you get the picture. This is not only boring, but it also is draining.

What’s the point in an on-off relationship? If you are in this situation you are either

Not fixing the problems you had in the relationship the first time around
Not getting back together for the right reasons
Trying to recreate your first shot at a relationship together
Not forgiving
Rushing in too fast
Not committing to a long-term happy and secure relationship
Not meant to be together

Which are all of the factors that affect your relationship in the future if you get back together that we have already mentioned.

Most of us dream of being in a loving, healthy and committed relationship. You have the opportunity to create yours, and all you need to do is to follow these six factors to help you get your relationship back on track.

And if you can’t, well your loving, healthy and committed relationship might not be one that you can have with your ex.

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Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less