10 Tips to Get Through Relationship Breakdown After Baby

Most people tend to forget that the prime reason our genes make us go through the roller coaster of love, sex, and relationships is to make babies. It is that primal need for procreation that drives our desires for togetherness.

While it is considered that a couple only gets closer after transitioning to parenthood, reality can be entirely different at times. Raising children is hard and demanding. So much that it can take a toll on the relationship that both parents share in the first place.

Most people would think it’s weird for a couple to break up after having a baby, but it happens more often than you think. Relationship breakdown after baby is more and more common these days.

Why do couples break up after having a baby?

Why couples break up after having a baby?

Many couples experience relationship strain and even breakups after having a baby due to a variety of factors. There are multiple reasons behind a relationship breakdown after baby.

The arrival of a child brings significant changes and challenges, including sleep deprivation, added responsibilities, financial stress, and shifts in priorities. Couples may struggle with communication, intimacy, and finding time for each other amidst the demands of parenting. 

Lack of support, unmet expectations, and differences in parenting styles can further contribute to relationship strain. Additionally, postpartum depression or mood disorders can impact one or both partners, affecting their emotional well-being and relationship dynamics. 

Licensed Mental Health Counselor Kimberly Smith highlights,

5 signs of marriage trouble after a baby

In spite of the nine months of preparation, once the child arrives, it all seems so sudden and gradually contributes to relationship breakdown after baby.

Couples expect a happy relationship after a baby as they start a new phase in their life as parents, but a lot of things are easier said than done, raising a child is one of them. Here are 5 signs of marriage breakdown after having a baby.

Lack of regular sex or physical intimacy

No or less sex is a prime factor behind marriage breakdown after baby or in general scenarios.

One or both of you are either too tired, too busy, or no longer interested in sex and romance because of a child. A sexless marriage creates its own set of problems and can lead to a breakup after having a baby.

Neglect of parental duties

A lot of fights break out because of who needs to do what when taking care of the baby. These fights often add up to cause relationship breakdown after baby. Neglect often feels like a partner is falling out of love after baby but that is not always the case.

It doesn’t matter if the arguments are valid or not, but if the baby is causing a lot of conflicts it degrades to shouting and finger-pointing. That’s a sign that your marriage is having problems because of your child.

Receiving flak from third parties

A lot of couples who split after having baby have seen problematic relatives as one of the reasons.

It might seem rare, but it happens a lot when parents or other relatives interfere with child-raising duties. In-laws criticizing one or both parents could lead to marriages that end in divorce.

It is hard to argue against old people who already raised children to adulthood, but conflict in values can lead to the older generation openly showing their dislike towards marriage and contributing to relationship breakdown after baby.

Financial difficulties

A lot of countries provide assistance to new parents, but most governments don’t. There are couples who find it difficult to budget for an infant in the weekly/monthly expenditure.

Money problems can result in a dried-up romance and built-up stress. One or both partners may want to break away from domestic life and “quit” being a parent. Breaking up after having a baby is much more common in a financially dried-up scenario.

One partner’s refusal to accept reality

This is the most dangerous sign that you will break up after having a baby. One parent does not want to change their lifestyle to accommodate a new baby in their life.

They accept that they are now a parent, but they don’t do anything about it. They leave all the parental responsibilities to their partner and continue on as if the baby doesn’t exist. This is another major reason behind breaking up when you have a baby.

10 tips for getting through relationship breakdown after baby

Experiencing a relationship breakdown after baby can be a challenging and emotional time. Here are ten tips to help navigate this difficult period and find a path toward healing and growth:

1. Prioritize communication

Open and honest communication is essential during a relationship breakdown. Take the time to express your feelings, concerns, and needs. Active listening and empathy are key to understanding each other’s perspectives and finding common ground.

2. Seek support

If you are considering divorce after baby and having second thoughts about it, reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups for credible marriage advice.

Sharing your feelings and experiences with others who have gone through similar situations can provide comfort, guidance, and valuable insights.

3. Self-care

Self-pampering can help you sort out a lot of relationship problems after having a baby.

Prioritize self-care to help manage the emotional toll of a relationship breakdown after baby. Focus on activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and rejuvenation. Take time for yourself and prioritize your well-being.

4. Professional help

Consider seeking therapy or counseling to navigate the complexities of a relationship breakdown. A trained professional can provide guidance, tools, and strategies to help process emotions, improve communication, and find a way forward.

5. Co-parenting collaboration

Through effective co-parenting, you can avoid splitting up after having a baby. 

If you have a child together, prioritize co-parenting collaboration. Create a parenting plan that ensures the child’s well-being and minimizes conflict. Focus on open and respectful communication regarding parenting decisions.

6. Embrace feelings

Allow yourself to experience and process a wide range of emotions that come with a relationship breakdown. It’s natural to feel sadness, anger, or confusion. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship while staying open to healing and growth.

7. Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries with your ex-partner to help manage the transition. This includes discussing co-parenting roles, personal space, and expectations moving forward. Boundaries can provide a sense of stability and facilitate healthy interactions.

8. Focus on the future

While it’s important to acknowledge and process the past, shift your focus towards the future. Set goals for yourself, both personally and in terms of co-parenting. Visualize the kind of life and relationships you want to create moving forward.

9. Patience and healing time

Healing from a relationship breakdown takes time, and everyone’s journey is unique. Be patient with yourself and allow the healing process to unfold naturally. Avoid rushing into new relationships as a means to escape the pain.

10. Learn and grow

Use this experience as an opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection. Reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself and your relationship. Identify patterns or behaviors that can be improved upon, ensuring a healthier future for yourself and potential future relationships.

Additional questions

Let’s take up some questions to further explore the situation of having marital problems after embracing parenthood.

• How long after having a baby do couples break up?

What percentage of couples break up after having a baby?

There is no fixed timeline for when couples may break up after having a baby. Relationship breakdowns can occur at any point, as the challenges and adjustments of parenthood impact individuals differently. Each situation is unique and dependent on various factors.

• Is it normal to fall out of love after a baby?

It is not uncommon for some individuals to experience a shift in feelings or a decrease in romantic love after having a baby. The dynamics and priorities of a relationship can change significantly, impacting the emotional connection between partners.

Navigating this phase through commitment and dedication

Embracing parenthood is a beautiful journey and going through a divorce after you have your little bundle of joy only sounds more pitiful. 

But if one parent fulfills all the responsibility and the other is a deadbeat, it might be better to break up after having a baby than start a family with a toxic partner. 

If you feel your issues can be worked upon sooner or later, don’t wait any longer in taking all the necessary steps to bring back the lost love that you need to continue on this beautiful journey with your little one.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less