Do you know that there is something called a healthy breakup? Yes, there is no compulsion for you to continue with a toxic or abusive relationship.
Instead of getting suffocated all your life, it is better to choose a healthy breakup. But it isn’t as easy as it seems.
We have a habit of assuming that a person is happy, satisfied, and even “lucky” if they are in a romantic relationship with someone. The possibility that perhaps the individual in a long-term relationship is the loneliest, emotionally unstable person of all does not cross our minds.
Why? Because our minds are conditioned in a way that finding “the one” for yourself is the true meaning of life.
While that could be the ultimate goal of many people, it shouldn’t mean that you force yourself into relationships that are of potential damage to you.
Relationships can be classified into two broad categories-healthy and unhealthy relationships. There are key features that indicate how toxic or unhealthy a relationship is for you. No one wants to think the worse about their relationship or to believe that it’s unhealthy.
We all want to see the best in people we love. It may be hard to admit that your relationship is toxic, but the sooner you do, the better.
How do you identify a toxic relationship?
A healthy relationship takes lots of effort and time. A happy relationship is based on mutual respect, trust, equality, individuality, passion, and attachment. These things take time to develop. A healthy relationship should not be the cause of your stress and anxiety.
You shouldn’t be feeling insecure about something that you need to be most sure and secure about.
Any relationship that makes you doubt yourself, make you doubt the other person, makes you feel threatened and becomes your weakness, is not a healthy one.
If you’re insecure about expressing your true feelings to the person, not right, when you have to hide or conceal a physical flaw, it is not good.
A healthy and positive relationship will not have you compromise on your identity and personal space. Your relationship is only, and should only be a small part of who you are and not entirely define you.
When you feel you and your identity, your real self is being overshadowed with your relationship and your partner, and it may be a negative sign.
Relationships work when both the people in it are equally involved.
If you feel that most of the time, it’s your partner making decisions for you and does not look forward to your opinions and advice, it’s time to reconsider things and choose healthy breakup if needed.
Your relationship with one person should never affect your relationships with other important people in your lives. Your family time, your social life, should not be compromised to the extent that your days revolve wholly and solely around that one person.
Aggression, impatience, intolerance, extreme jealousy, anger, lack of trust, and even physical abuse, all are signs of an unhealthy relationship. It is then you must consider ending a relationship rather than getting stuck in a rut.
Are breakups really the worst thing possible?
Since relationships are a sign of success, breakups are automatically signs of failure.
But, you need to get past this concept and realize that perhaps a break up is the most important and healthiest thing you could be doing for yourselves in a while. Healthy breakups are possible.
The worst thing is not breaking up; the worst thing is staying and holding onto a hopeless relationship which did nothing but harm you and your mental state.
Getting yourselves out of a long-term unhealthy relationship is a brave thing to do. It’s not easy moving on. But when you do, you open yourselves to newer and fresher possibilities and opportunities.
You let yourself breathe some air of freedom. Healthy breakups can indeed mark the beginning of better things in life that are yet to come.
You may find yourself in a distressful place after a breakup, considering the emotional damage you just had to bear. Give it some time and take all the space you need.
You’ll soon realize that cutting off toxic people and relationships from your life was probably all you needed. A healthy breakup is a way to get rid of the toxicity in your life.
However, jumping on the conclusion that you need to break up a soon as you face a small set back is not the right thing to. All relationships have good and bad times, positive and negative experiences.
The important thing is how frequent are the negative experiences occurring.If your relationship is a constant source of stress, that could be a negative sign. But if you are generally stressed out or going through a rough patch in life and putting the blame on your relationship, then breaking up could be an uncalled for, impulsive decision.
How to break up with someone you love
Breaking up with someone you love is easier said than done. It is a very distressing experience for the partner who has been broken up with. It can be traumatic to go through something so sudden if it has been least expected.
At the same time, it isn’t easy for the one who initiated the breakup. Breaking up with someone you love can leave you dismayed in a storm of negative emotions.
It is thus common for both the partners to face more or fewer depression symptoms no matter who initiates the breakup.
So, if you are wondering how to break up with someone without hurting them, here are a few tips to follow to alleviate the pain of ending a relationship with someone you love.
Have an honest and open communication
It is crucial to be frank about expressing your ideas when you end relationships.
Try to have open communication with your partner in person. Do not resort to texting or sending hateful messages or emails.
It is entirely okay for you to exit from a relationship if it is doing you more harm than good. But, to avoid the nasty aftertaste, it’s better to opt for a healthy breakup.
Avoid the blame game
It is easy to blame your partner when you are breaking up. It is even easier to shrug off your foibles and put the onus of a failed relationship on the other person.
But, how to break up with someone nicely, and avoid the bitter exchange of words?
The best way to break up is to avoid the blame game.
You can choose to amicably express why you wish to get out of the relationship. At the same time, you must have the courage to take ownership of your imperfections.
Listen to your partner’s side
Although you have your own reasons, breaking up with someone you still love is extremely painful.
So, in case you are trying to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, who you still love, make sure that you listen to their side of the story as well. You may be making presumptions owing to your blinkered view on a lot of things about your relationship.
Your partner’s side can come up much as a surprise and who knows, you could even call off your decision.
Don’t offer airy hopes
Instead of getting hurtful, a healthy breakup is a better option. But, you need to make sure that you do not leave your relationship open-ended.
If you are sure that you want to separate, be clear about it. Do not offer airy hopes just not to sound resentful.
Watch this video to gain more insights into the concept of a healthy breakup.
Healthy breakup rules
You can see a lot of breakups rules doing rounds on the internet. But, you would hardly find any rules that primarily focus on a healthy breakup.
There are several ways to break up. But, here are listed a few healthy breakups rules that you can glance through in a jiffy. These rules will definitely help you to have little mess to declutter post-breakup.
Be clear, but gentle with your words
Never break up over text
Do not use harsh language
Never break up in front of friends or family
Manage your reactions
Don’t try to ebb your relationship to friendship
Do not demean your partner or relationship
These are simple little things to remember if you choose healthy breakup over a resentful breakup.
In reality, it is just a matter of choice. You can choose to be acrimonious and go on a guilt trip later. Or, you can choose to have a healthy breakup and have less to remorse for both you and your partner.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.