Have you reached a juncture in your marriage where you are trying to understand what constitutes intimacy in marriage improving intimacy in marriage and how to increase intimacy in marriage? or how to improve intimacy in a marriage?
But before you dive into how to improve marriage intimacy you need to know what is intimacy in marriage.
Spiritual, emotional, and physical elements work together to comprise what is known as intimacy. This word, intimacy, maybe contextually diverse, as it carries more than one definition. Quite simply, intimacy represents the sense of closeness inherent in romantic partnerships.
In the context of sexual relationships, the theory of intimacy includes physical as well as emotional closeness present in a romantic couple. It incites the development of powerful emotional ties that are shared by couples in love.
Although therapists and authors may liberally use the word intimacy in marriage as a euphemism for “sex,” the word intimacy comprises so much more.
There are various forms of intimacy; one type you may have heard of is Emotional Intimacy. Emotional intimacy distinguishes emotional closeness from the physical, but it is not devoid of romantic, spiritual, or even physical components.
A necessary facet of healthy marriage, emotional intimacy pertains to the sharing of personal feelings or emotions; a process which creates trust, security, attraction, and a sense of connectedness.
Another essential form of intimacy is an amalgamation of sex and intimacy in marriage, and is usually refereed to as what we know to be physical intimacy.
Physical intimacy comprise of both sensuous and sexual activities, these activities include an array of behaviors ranging from holding hand, foreplay to sexual intercourse.
Physical intimacy not only boosts but also instigates an emotional connection between a couple. Even though, the interpretation of physical intimacy varies between men and women, it is more or less equally important in any marriage or relationship.
Some may be confused by marital intimacy patterns that present in their relationships over time. Sexual intimacy in marriage and intimacy as a whole are supposed to be cyclic, as you may have heard of the “intimacy cycle”.
It is perfectly normal in a marriage that spiritual, romantic, and affectionate gestures will decrease in abundance over time. But this is hardly comforting for the person experiencing the decline.
The result of decreasing intimacy can be infrequent sex, a lack of deep communication, a sense of dullness, or all of the above.
A marriage stifled by a lack of intimacy often pushes the partners to exhibit anger and resentment towards each other. Some other common cause and effects of a lack in marital intimacy are exhaustion, expecting monogamy, lack of sexual fulfillment, stress, low self esteem, and awkward sex.
So, if you are asking the question how to improve marriage intimacy or what can you do for improving marriage intimacy, you are amongst thousands with similar issues. Here are some increasing intimacy in marriage tips for you:
1. Talk with your spouse
You might not believe it, but the first and most important step toward bringing the cycle around more quickly, is by initiating some communication. Maybe it sounds cliché to you, because we are always talking about communication.
But, love it or hate it, the truth is that it works. If one partner is dissatisfied with the decreased frequency, he or she may need reassurance that it isn’t something they are doing wrong. Otherwise, they are mulling around in a funk while their feelings of inadequacy grow and fester in the meantime.
On the contrary, this person’s spouse is more than likely just absorbed in something stressful – or many things stressful- and sex just isn’t on the radar at the moment. Hormonal cycling can be a major contributor to one’s drive also.
Patience may be a virtue here – and don’t forget to practice communication around all areas of married life – as this will increase emotional intimacy as well.
2. Spice things up
Sometimes, minor changes in the bedroom will spice things up a bit, for a couple that has grown bored of same old, same old. Communicate, and introduce some new romantic activities or ideas.
Mix things up and maybe change the way you initiate sex with your partner, change your sexual routine to build up sexual tension.
Do not stop yourself from being emotionally vulnerable during sex in front of your partner, allow yourself and your partner to open up to each other and share your wishes, fantasies and desires.
Don’t give up if your partner isn’t into it at first; just offer new suggestions each time, but in an undemanding way.
3. Make changes to yourself!
This one is important. With time, we tend to let appearances go. Try putting the effort into your appearance that you did when you and your partner first dated; you’ll not only look great – but you’ll have confidence in spades to boot; guaranteed, your partner will notice.
Go to the salon/parlor, meditate, do yoga, and hit the gym, before you know it your spouse won’t be able to take their hands off of you.
4. Seek professional help
If you feel like you have tried everything or your marriage has reached a stage where you do not know what else you can do for improving intimacy in marriage, consider seeking help from a professional family or marriage counselor.
A marriage therapist would be able to help mediate the reasons that is causing intimacy problems between you and your spouse. An unbiased and impartial opinion of a professional can help you sort out what your marriage lacks and equip you with the tools you need to enhance your marriage.
Improving intimacy in marriage requires both the partners to equally commit to their marriage and by implementing these simple marriage intimacy exercises and tips any couple can enhance intimacy.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Kelli H