It’s probably safe to say that if you have landed on this article, you might be searching for some inspiration on how to have more sex in your marriage. But it’s not so easy to assume why you might be looking for such inspiration.
Sure, you could just have a high sex drive that doesn’t match your partner’s average or low sex drive, or maybe you need a few ideas to perk up the bedroom to keep things lively.
But you could also be looking to reignite the spark, passion, and intimacy that once was in your marriage or are dealing with health issues that influence sexual performance. Whatever the reason for researching how to have more sex in your marriage the factors that drive you to make your search might require a touch more attention, or some deeper thought than you may have first realized.
Unless both spouses agree that they want to have more sex in their marriage, then it’s likely that only one of the two spouses is there is a lack of sex in the marriage.
Which already means that there may be a lack of communication and potentially some denial about the reality of your circumstances seeping into your relationship. If you don’t pay attention here you may find that any effort to have more sex in your marriage might be inconsistent, unfulfilling and essentially painting over the cracks.
So with that in mind here are some crucial steps to take if you are wondering how to have more sex in your marriage.
Step 1: Acknowledge the situation you are in
So you know that you want to figure out how to have more sex in your marriage, but before you get to the bottom of the issue you’ll need to stop to think about what is causing the lack of sex from your perspective?
Of course, it takes two to tango, and without discussing this further with your spouse, you’ll only have one side of the story. But stopping to assess your thoughts, and to acknowledge any factors that you might be aware of that could be causing the problem and even whether the lack of sex is coming from you is a vital step toward bringing more sex into your marriage.
For example, you might consider;
- Are you and your spouse still feeling sexually attracted to each other?
- Has something happened to make one of you lose trust or intimacy?
- Is there any potential health issues that are causing one of you not to want sex, or to be unable to have sex.
- Is low esteem or self-confidence causing one of you not to feel good enough about having sex?
- Are there any deep rooted issues that one of you have, that influence your sex life and are just surfacing now.
- Does one of you have a higher sex drive than the other and how can you find the balance.
- Do you still have a spark?
- Do you know how to communicate with each other sexually?
- Do you feel confident with each other sexually?
- Do you still feel committed to each other?
- Have you drifted into bad habits and lazy ways?
These are just some examples of how complex the problem of not enough sex in a marriage can be. But when you acknowledge the cause of the problem, then you have the opportunity to work through that and find the right pathway for you and your spouse to bringing more sex into your marriage in a way that is fulfilling for both of you.
Step 2: Discuss the issue with your spouse
Now it’s time to discuss the situation with your spouse and to find out whether your suspicions are correct, or to work together to get to the bottom of the problem. Some situations such as bad habits, or low esteem might be resolved in changing lifestyle and making a commitment to making more time for each other particularly in the bedroom.
Think about starting a workout regime that will increase your esteem and libido or even, take some sex and intimacy lessons (you can access those physically, get a book, or take an online course)
If this does not resolve the problem, or the issues are more serious then it’s time to move onto step 3.
Step 3: Bring in marital counselors
Not everyone relishes the thought of hiring a marital counselor but if you want to learn how to have more sex in your marriage, and you have some deep rooted problems, it’s probably going to take a counselor (who will have lots of experience with the types of marital issues you face) to help. This way you and your spouse can navigate these issues as a couple in a way that brings you together and potentially saves your marriage.
Step 4: Reap the results
So by now, you’ve done the hard work, you’ve faced facts, whipped your relationship back into shape either by communicating better and changing your habits or with the help of a marital or intimacy counselor. There’s only one thing left to do – enjoy the rewards for your efforts, which we hope comes in the guise of more sex in your marriage, and in particular more fulfilling sex in your marriage that lifts and revitalizes both spouses!