The relationship between a mother and her daughter is sacred and unbreakable. But it is complex and diverse as well. Some mothers and their daughters are each other’s best friends while there is hostility among some. Some mothers keep an effective communication line with their daughters, while some barely talk once a week. Some mothers and daughters see each other weekly; some moms or and daughters live in different states or countries. Some argue and fight regularly while some moms and daughters avoid conflict.
There is no smooth relationship as there will be ups and downs in relationships. The mother-daughter relationship is troubled with new encounters at every stage of life, and disputes and misunderstandings are inevitable. But we learn to recognize potential barriers early, communicate openly and most importantly, make up with hugs and declarations of love and gratitude over a course of time. Below are some tips and things to do to repair a strained mother-daughter relationship:
1. Listen actively
To repair a broken mother-daughter relationship, you must have listening ears. You must be able to listen attentively to your mother or daughter. Let her know she can talk to you about virtually anything. As it is being said, active listening is “reflecting back what the other person is saying”, when you reflect back what your mother or daughter is saying, you’re telling her that she’s being heard and that you understand.
Don’t just listen to the words being said by your mother or daughter; you should also try your possible best to listen to the feelings underlying the message. You get to understand more about the message being passed across if you understand the feelings of the other person. Often the words you say are not what you are really feeling or rather trying to pass across. That is why it is so important that you learn to listen carefully.To repair a strained relationship, you must be an active listener.
2. Forgive easily
When your feelings are hurt and your emotions run extraordinary, it is quite often hard to forgive — or ask for forgiveness. Instead of attentively listening to your mom’s or daughter’s emotions and feelings and validating it to potentially apologize, you tend to feel personally attacked and fight back with harsher words. This style only causes more anger and hurt.
Forgiving someone is not admitting or saying that what happened is OK. It is not condoning, pardoning or minimizing the impact. Just saying “sorry” after an argument opens the door to sincere conversation that permits us to well understand how our words and actions makes the other person feel.
3. Communicate effectively
Ineffective communication system is one of the challenges with mom-daughter relationships. Some mothers learnt the importance of keeping an effective communication line with their daughters while some barely talk once a week.
Don’t expect the other person to to be a mind reader. We need to communicate effectively, carefully and clearly. Be gentle and careful as you speak from your heart. Words said are like broken eggs, it is quite hard to put them back together. Saying harsh words pierce deeply into the person’s heart and can leave a painful wound, even if you never meant to hurt the person.
Be clear and calmly state how you’re feeling. Also, speak your mind in a very heartfelt but gentle manner.
4. Find common interests
Common interests are those activities two people enjoy together. There is that thing you love doing with your mom or daughter. List them out and frequently engage yourself in those activities as it will go a long way in strengthening the bond between you and your mom/daughter. Also, spending some quality relaxed time together while discovering common interests deepen the mother-daughter bond. There is definitely something you and your mom/daughter enjoys doing together.
You might feel you and your mom/daughter are not interested in doing anything together, if this be the case, explore something that is quite new to both of you. For example, take a music class, go on a tour e.t.c
5. Make time for each other
One of the most common complaints from mothers is that their daughters no longer have a quality one on one time with them. However, you need to find the balance of knowing how much time to spend together. Too much togetherness can cause petty frustrations and arguments to surface. Yet, not enough togetherness leads to isolation and a disconnection.
As daughters tend to grow up and move away, we tend to live separate lives as it is difficult to maintain our relationship when quick phone calls on the run become the norm. Phone calls, texts, emails are the occasional ways to communicate with each other but you still need one on one conversations maybe Video calls and so on.