Personality disorders reflect an enduring pattern of experience and behavior that manifests in a variety of ways.
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The spouse with Avoidant Personality Disorder may be characterized by being socially inhibited, feeling inadequate, and hypersensitive to negative evaluations.
They may be so sensitive that they suffer severe anxiety at the thought of saying or doing the wrong thing.
Some are people pleasers who are so concerned about being liked that they avoid social situations unless they are certain of acceptance or may give, and give and give until they have nothing left to give.
Someone who fears ridicule, suffers from a fear of not being accepted socially, and feels inadequate in intimate relationships, can experience a crisis in midlife.
You will rarely see someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder at the office Christmas Party. If there is a family wedding, they will send a gift but wild horses can’t drag them to the wedding.
They are so preoccupied with thoughts of what others will think of them, they find it easier to stay at home instead of facing their anxiety.
An example, Kathy lives with her husband in a retirement community. The women in the community gather to play cards and various other activities.
They go about manning the voting booths during election time. They do water aerobics at the community pool.
Kathy criticizes these women, saying she “has better things to do with her time.” What Kathy does with her time is sit and watch soap operas, clean house and look down on women she wishes she could be more like.
To admit that though, Kathy would have to admit to being fearful and that isn’t somewhere she wants to go.
4.Avoids work activities
This person skates by at work to keep from interacting with others.
They fear to take on more responsibility at work because they fear failure. They keep a low profile on the job.
An example, John crunches numbers for a living. That is all he does, he doesn’t seek promotions.
He goes to his office, closes his door, and works on whatever assignment he has for the day. He could care less if he gets a raise or a promotion as long as he doesn’t have to interact with others or take a chance at failing.
John eats lunch alone.
He doesn’t stand around the water cooler in the mornings talking with other employees.
He never goes out after work for a beer with his peers.
He plays it safe because as long as he is playing it safe he doesn’t have to worry about others possibly disapproving of something he says or does.
5.Avoids conflict at all cost
What happens when you engage in conflict with others?
You may have to hear criticism, you may have a thought or an idea rejected.
Conflict is uncomfortable for the person with Avoidant Personality Disorder, they will either avoid all situations where conflict is possible or they will bend over backward to make others happy to keep down the conflict.
An example, Justin did everything his wife requested of him. He was fearful she would find fault with him so he was at her disposal and in his mind, it was “her way or the highway.”
Justin resented the fact that his wife didn’t realize that he didn’t want to do everything.
In his mind, she should be able to read his mind.
To know without any input from him what made him happy and what didn’t.
He was afraid to express his needs and was angry with her because she couldn’t guess his needs.
Justin is a pretender.
For the sake of keeping down his level of anxiety, he will pretend to love and want the same things his wife does.
The only problem, Justin is setting himself, his wife, and his marriage up for failure.
Often someone like Justin will walk away after 25 years of marriage pointing his finger at his wife and accusing her of being a control freak.
A final word on avoidance behavior
People with Avoidant Personality Disorder suffer from poor self-esteem and other issues surrounding intimate relationships, work-related activities, and social interactions.
If you see yourself or your spouse in the description above I urge you to seek therapy so that you can learn to become more assertive in getting what you need and want from life.
Also, you will get credible advice on avoidant personality disorder treatment.
It would be useful to read this essential guide to help in overcoming Avoidant Personality Disorder. The book sheds light on pervasive patterns associated with avoidant personality disorder symptoms and the challenges of living with a spouse with a personality disorder.
Alongside, as we talk about adult attachment styles, and stress, there is no harm in looking up for anxious personality disorder symptoms, or even anxious-avoidant personality disorder to understand and mend the other dysfunctional attitudes that lead to lopsided relationship dynamics, mental chaos and relationship challenges.
Besides, you should support your spouse so that they could live in a friendly atmosphere, and alleviate their suffering, knowing they live in love.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Linda S. Davis, a web developer and designer. She writes articles for dissertation writing services. In this case, she has her own pages on some outsourcing websites. It gives her an opportunity to share her knowledge with others.