One of the things that could make your life a living hell is having a narcissistic ex-wife. That is bad news. However, there’s also good news, and that is – narcissists can and do leave people alone.
It may sound improbable to you right now as your life is probably being relentlessly turned into a living nightmare by her in various ways. Nonetheless, there is a way to make the narcissist let go of the satisfaction they get from torturing you and even co-parent with her effectively.
Here’s a thing or two to understand about narcissists and smartly handle a narcissistic ex-wife.
What makes narcissists do what they do
Narcissists are extremely troubled people.
We may not be ready to think of them in such a way. Depending on the level of contact we have with a narcissist, we consider them annoying to plain evil. We don’t really think of them as victims of any sort. However, even with them being extremely toxic for others, narcissists suffer too.
Narcissism (if not merely a layman’s description of someone’s personality) is a personality disorder. That is, narcissism is a psychiatric condition, please bear this in mind. It is also basically untreatable. If anything, narcissists get worse with therapy because they learn new tricks.
As such, narcissists are not free, they are sentenced to life with the disorder, life without freedom to be authentic and genuine.
How narcissist became who they are
Narcissists probably came to be as such very early in life. They usually went to the trauma of different intensity. Regardless of the intensity or the sort of the trauma, they got the message that they weren’t lovable, weren’t good enough, and never will be. As a coping attempt, they developed a false Self, the grandiose one we all know.
Since this is a false persona and not their true Self, they need a constant (really, constant) influx of gratification, praise, attention, to maintain this artificial entity alive. They are a form of energetic vampires that need our emotional reaction to survive. Whether it is good or bad, every attention to them means that they are significant as they need to be.
What a life with a narcissistic wife looks like
There are universal and very specific things that happen when a person is involved with a narcissist.
The specific part is something only you know about, it’s your own dynamics that was tailored by her to perfectly fit your weaknesses. This is because narcissists are great at reading people and finding their weak spots. They need this skill in order to survive. And then there are also universal things about narcissists.
Soon after you’ve got seduced by your narcissistic ex-wife or present wife, she gradually or fairly quickly switched into this energetic vampire. She was the perfect woman, seemed to fulfill your every requirement, fantasy, and desire. Because this is what they do. They read into what will make you theirs. They appear as the blessing from above, too good to be true.
However, the moment you were hooked, she could move on to the next stage. She started draining you. She would play tricks with your sanity and craved all of your energy and attention.
Narcissists are black holes when it comes to others’ energy and pleasing attempts.
Until you are released from her clutch, this won’t go away.
How to make your narcissistic ex-wife leave you alone
As we promised, there’s good news. And that is, you can be left alone by your narcissistic ex-wife.
It may not seem possible to you right now, given how strongly she affects you, and how relentless she is in making your life a living hell.
But, there’s a simple, albeit not easy, solution. It’s in your inner change. You do have all the power. You can’t change her, but you can change yourself.
An interesting thing about narcissistic ex-wives is that they will move on the second they don’t get the gratification from having your attention and energy. Now, be no fooled, this goes far beyond not responding to her texts or similar.
It’s not that simple. But, the key is in your own healing and a true evolution of your own psyche.
In other words, even when you cease contact with your narcissistic ex-wife, she can feel that you’re still affected by her. That’s enough for her not to let go. But, the relationship with a narcissist has the power to shed a light on your own inner conflicts and unresolved trauma, which you need to address.
You were manipulated by her through your own co-dependent needs, and your own weaknesses. Now, the key to making her go away is in resolving your inner conflicts, which will take the power she has over you back to yourself. The moment you get there is the very moment she will disappear from your life.