What Is Triad Relationship Counseling & Its Advantages

It’s hard to know what we’re feeling, let alone what others are feeling. Nevertheless, for successful relationships, we need emotional openness and a sense of safe vulnerability. Triad relationship counseling teaches you new ways to enable that and overcome old habits of unhelpful behaviors to deepen your relationships. 

To understand the different aspects of triad relationships a bit better, read further and understand the nuances that it may contain. 

What is a triad relationship?

As the phrase suggests, a triad relationship is a group of 3 people who are connected through an intimate bond. This is usually sexual or romantic. It can also be platonic and simply, loving. 

The key is that you have a deeper and more intimate bond than with others in your social circle. Most importantly, you are all bound together through a solid understanding of what consensual means as well as how you define faithfulness.

As mentioned, all three people need to be emotionally open and to feel safe within the relationship.

Dropping our masks and laying our emotions out can be scary for all of us. Moreover, in a triad relationship, there are three sets of needs, fears and desires to balance. This can be incredibly fulfilling. But sometimes we need to turn to triad relationship counseling for guidance.

Of course, there’s also the sexual motivation as well as the ability to love and show affection in more than one way. All agreed that honesty and openness were key to triads.

So, how can counseling for triad relationships help with honesty and openness?

Whether you’re curious about triad relationships or your current partner would like to explore them, counseling can guide you to explore your own needs and fears and how they might prevent you from being honest and open

In other words, when do your defense mechanisms get triggered?

The more we know our triggers, the more we can heal our past pain and become more true to ourselves.

As you work through triad relationship counseling, you’ll deepen trust, communication and overall satisfaction in your triad.

Types of triad relationships

Triad relationships are a type of polyamory partnership where there is a deep, intimate bond between three people.

Within triads, there are various types based on whether they are open or closed and the level of intimacy between each of the three partners.

A closed triad is when all three people are exclusive to each other. Essentially, there are no other sexual activities outside the triad.

In contrast, an open triad is where all three partners are intimate with each other. They also have sexual relations with others outside the triad.

How these definitions work is unique to each triad including who lives with each other and who knows and interacts with others outside the triad. Either way, the boundaries and rules have to be defined and agreed by all.

Another term you might come across is the V triad. In this case, one partner is the central point. Both other people have an intimate bond and usually a sexual relationship with that central figure but not with each other. Those people are then said to be metamours.

As you can imagine, any breach of boundaries or misunderstanding of the rules can cause confusion and suffering. Consequently, triad relationship counseling can be a powerful approach to allow everyone to establish their needs and agree potentially new rules and boundaries.

Of course, not everyone needs or wants triad relationship counseling. Nevertheless, emotions can be triggered and rules can suddenly be brought into question.

What is the format of the different triad relationships?

Triad relationships can be structured and hierarchical or they can be flat and flow with whatever is going on in that moment in time for each person. Each approach has its pros and cons. What matters most is getting it right for the people involved.

Life is hard though and the triad might start off with the right dynamics for everyone but things happen along the way. Events can throw things off balance which is when you might want to consider triad relationship counseling.

In a hierarchical triad, partners are ordered in priority. So, there might be a central person, like in the V triad, and they might decide who is their priority partner.

Naturally, this works for particular cultures and types of people. Although, generally, most people want to feel equally valued and heard. When this means changing our deep beliefs and cultural habits, partners will seek out polyamorous relationship therapy.

Having an equal partnership between all three people can make decision-making take longer because everyone has a say but it can honor harmony.

Whatever all three of you decide, it’s important to make sure that no one feels forced and that everyone feels they have had their input. Otherwise, there’s a risk of resentment and discontent.

Again, triad relationship counseling can help you work out what equality looks like for you in your triad.

Advantages of triad relationship counseling

Receiving love and support not just from one person but from two is an incredible experience and a huge privilege. Like all relationships though, it can meet with tough times.

Triad relationship counseling allows you to process your thoughts and emotions in order to find the right balance within your triad. It also means you’ll learn tools and techniques to establish your needs and respect those of your partners.

Most importantly, you’ll practice and develop wiser ways of working through disagreements. Arguments and conflict are how we improve and change things to our benefit if we know how to do it well. It’s simply another skill to learn.

With triad relationship counseling, you’ll also explore each other’s love maps, a concept developed by relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. These maps guide you through your partners’ inner and outer worlds. As a result, you learn how to better support each other.

You can learn more about love equations as well as how to nurture calm, trust and commitment by listening to Dr. John Gottman himself in this video:

You can adapt all these points to your unique triad with the right counselor to guide you. 

FAQs

Triad relationships can seem complicated as they are not the assumed norm in most societies. Here are the answers to some questions that can make understanding them easier:

• What rules and boundaries work well for triad relationships?

Every triad is different and each person needs to first know what boundaries and rules they want to follow before collaborating to find a common approach.

Triad relationship counseling can be particularly effective and mediating through all three partners’ discovery of their own needs and how to integrate them with each other’s.

To discover the best polyamory counseling services, don’t limit yourself to your immediate area but explore what’s available online. Make sure you also test out at least 2 or 3. This can be helpful to gauge how comfortable you feel before committing.

• How to implement the triad of connection for deeper relationships?

Another useful framework that comes from neuropsychiatrist Dan Seigel is the triad of connection. Siegel is an expert on interpersonal neurobiology and his approach is that we aren’t just a mind and a body.

We are also our relationships.

Energy and information are constantly flowing between our minds, bodies and relationships. As such, the more we understand how all those points interconnect, through triad relationship counseling for instance, the deeper our well-being and our relationships.

The three points of this triad of connection, according to Siegel, are perceiving, or being aware of our partners’ mental state, making sense and responding. In other words, what assumptions do we jump to and how does that impact our response?

Siegel takes this a step further and talks about mindsight. This is more than just mindfulness. It’s how we use what we perceive in order to respond wisely and compassionately.

• What is triad dating?

Naturally, most people don’t think of relationship counseling for threesomes when simply dating. Nevertheless, it depends on why you’re dating.

Perhaps you’re keen to explore what a triad might look like and with whom. If this is new for one of you, it can be helpful to voice your ideas and concerns with a counselor before you go too far.

If you’re already a couple, looking into triads shouldn’t be a way to fix problems. You should already be grounded and content. In that case, you might feel that you have more to give and receive as a couple.

• How does it feel to be in a triad relationship?

A successful triad is fulfilling and supportive. Communication is open and energy flows freely and positively between all three.

Of course, some might need a therapist for triad relationships to learn some tools and techniques to collaborate intimately within a threesome. But that’s normal. We all need help sometimes. 

Moreover, many of us were never taught relationship techniques. So, if you feel a triad is for you, counseling can guide you through some major questions.

Final thoughts 

We all need relationships and people around us. What that looks like is different for each of us. When a triad feels potentially right for you but you’re unsure how it might work, triad relationship counseling can be particularly useful.

Such counseling guides you through how to collaborate through conflict and how to agree rules and boundaries. You’ll also learn open communication and how to build trust and deep connections.

All in all, you’ll build a deep intimate triad relationship such that you can take on the world.

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Anne’s passion and purpose in life are to guide people to find their own path and contentment by learning about themselves. Only then can we build and nurture the deep connections we all deserve to have. With a background in psychology and neuroscience coaching, she has helped countless couples... Read more transform their communication from aggression to assertiveness and appreciation.   She is both an ICF certified coach and mindfulness-certified, while being a counselor in training, meaning that she offers a holistic approach. You can expect to transform your view of yourself, your relationship, and the world by better understanding the habits of your mind and letting go of the unhelpful ones. You have power over your mind but you don’t have to do it alone. Read less

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