Falling in love; no one has a consensus on what falling in love is like or how does one fall in love. Poets, novelists, writers, singers, painters, artists, biologists, bricklayers, everyone has tried to dabble with this concept at one point in their lifetime – and they all have failed miserably. A large group of people believes that love is a choice, not a feeling. Or do we keep entangled by the question: is love a choice or a feeling? Do we not get to pick our own future partners? Does falling in love takes away our autonomy? Is that why people are so afraid of falling in love?
Shakespeare said, ‘Love is immutable.’ The Argentinian proverb goes, ‘The one who loves you will make you weep,’ the Bible says, ‘Love is kind.’ Which one should a distraught person believe in? In the end, the question still remains, ‘Is love a choice?’
Defining the feeling of love
One thing that takes the cake – generally – is people describe the feeling like the most wonderful, elating, and freeing feelings in the world. Many of the people do not actually think about their relationships or plan out certain aspects of their relationship. All they focus on is on trying to find that one person with whom they will spend their life with. Falling in love is almost effortless; one does not need to do any physical exertion or go through any emotional change prior to the realization.
In the start of the relationship, when it is all fun and games, the feeling of being on the seventh cloud is the best that one can think of those late nights or early morning texts, surprise visits, or just tiny gifts reminding one of the other. No matter how lightly we try and take it, how wonderful and carefree we want to feel; the thing is that love is an act. It is a decision. It is deliberate. Love is all about choosing, and then committing. Is love a choice? Absolutely yes!
Does love stay the same?
The real work starts when the euphoric elation fades and when one has to step out in the real world. That is when one has to put the real work in. This is when you can concretely answer the question, Is love a choice?.
It is our choice that what we opt to focus on; do we focus on all the unflattering things or do we focus on all the good things?
It is our own choices that make or breaks our relationship.
Aside from choosing to look at the brighter side and opting to look for what we can do for our significant other rather than what our significant other can do or is doing for us, one of the most important choices one can make is deciding that why did we choose to stay with this person? If your significant other is not up to your standards or is unable to make you happy or is just not a good person anymore; then what is it that is stopping you? If you find it difficult to leave your partner even then, it makes you wonder, is love a choice really?
As we know that feelings, more so than people, are fleeting; they change over the course of a certain time.
Understanding love further
Would it not be wonderful to find a “love is a choice book”? To answer all our queries and woes regarding, is love a choice?’ Choosing to stay in love is what is the most wonderful feeling and act in the world. Sure, it takes, time, patience, effort, and a little heartbreak. Your heart may go rogue and does not wait for you to choose someone to be in love with, but what you do after the realization hits is completely up to you. So, all in all – we can agree to the point that whether falling in love was your idea or not, however, staying in love is a choice.