Want a Happier Marriage? Increase Intimacy in Marriage

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Do you sometimes feel like you’d love to boost the intimacy factor in your marriage?  You know that you love each other deeply, but you wonder what it would feel like to be super connected with your partner, both emotionally and physically?  Here are some tips to try that are guaranteed to bring more intimacy into your relationship.

1. Be bold

It’s a common situation:  you’ve been married a certain number of years and you and your spouse have settled into a nice, comfortable zone together.  No one is complaining: things are good if a little routine. By injecting a dose of boldness into your relationship, you will shake things up a bit with a positive result.  What do we mean when we say, “Be Bold”?

Boldness can take several forms:  you might suggest practicing a sport that takes you way out of your comfort zone and challenges you:  instead of your weekend jog, try a Crossfit class. Or how about planning a vacation that includes humanitarian work in a country you have never been to?  This is a great opportunity to stretch yourselves and provide a service to those in need. What about each of you making a list of your top 10 fears and then coming up with bold strategies to manage these?

How does being bold together promote intimacy in your marriage?  Simply because when you both rise to a challenge, you increase your sense of connectivity to each other.   It is similar to the strong bond that develops between soldiers in combat together (although much less dangerous, thankfully).  Try being bold and see what happens. You’ll love the results.

2. Intimacy in the bedroom:  Be honest, be specific

If you are looking to increase your physical intimacy, communicate with your partner with open honesty and use specifics.  So much can be gained by a good, authentic conversation, rather than communicating by sighs or even pleasurable moans when in bed together.  Remember, neither of you is a mind-reader, so if you want to build additional intimacy to enhance your lovemaking, you will want to share with your words what really turns you on.  The conversation can take place in or outside the bedroom, as long as it is done from a place of love and not an accusation. So something like, “I really like it when you use a soft touch there, and take it slowly”, or “Can you spend a little more time doing that?”.  And why not share some fantasies? Your lovemaking sessions can take on a whole new dimension when you include some erotic fantasies that both of you are comfortable with.

3. Connect by disconnecting

There is a very simple and easy-to-do way to up your emotional intimacy:  Disconnect your electronic devices for 10 minutes a day. How easy is that?  Dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to shutting off your phone, tablet, pc and any other electronic gadget that distracts you from tuning into your spouse.  And spend those 10 minutes in conversation. Sit together. Turn towards each other as you talk. Look each other in the eyes as you listen to each other. Wow.  You’ve just made a great deposit into your marriage’s emotional intimacy bank account.

4. Keep your neurons vibrant, and share what you are learning

Couples can neglect the intellectual aspect of their relationship.  But nothing is sexier than a good, smart exchange with your spouse. Keep your brain cells active by reading books, newspapers and other sources of information that expand your horizons and add to your cultural and intellectual knowledge.  Share what you are learning with your spouse so that a lively discussion can take place. You’ll be amazed at how this contributes to the intimacy in your marriage, and how enjoyable a conversation that doesn’t center on the children’s needs or the problems in your workplace can be.  

5. Non-sexual physical intimacy

Increase your intimacy in marriage level by practicing non-sexual touching.  This is the type of physical contact that is not meant to excite or incite arousal in your partner (but if that does happen, all the better!)  This is especially important for women who often have the feeling that they only time their husband touches them is during sex. Give big doses of hugs—in the kitchen, in the hallway, wherever you happen to be.  Hold hands when out and about. Turn your partner’s face towards yours and lay a big smack on their lips. The goal is to connect physically at all moments of the day, and not just when you are in bed together.

6. Sacred and spiritual intimacy

If you and your spouse have religious beliefs, your intimacy can be strengthened by actively participating in your house of worship’s services and practices.  Pray together. Read scripture together. Talk about what your religion means to you. Dedicate some time to service within your house of worship. By supporting other people in your spiritual community, you strengthen your own intimacy bond.

If you don’t have a formal religion, practice sacredness in other ways.  You don’t need to subscribe to a formal religious doctrine to still feel intimate sacredness in your marriage.  Anything that takes you out of yourselves can help with your intimacy. Spend some time each day in meditation, being quiet side by side.  Or start each morning with a few yoga poses, again being quiet and reflective together. Intimacy is not always about talking; intimacy can also develop in the quiet times where you shut off the urban buzz.  Some of the best moments of feeling connected to your spouse are those spent in reflective silence and introspection, as long as you are doing it together.