How to Recognize Intimacy Issues and Get Closer as a Couple

When a couple has been married for quite some time, they may experience some changes and intimacy problems in a relationship.

They may get too busy with their work and other daily responsibilities, and that may lead the other partner to feel neglected.

When a couple does not get to spend enough quality time together, then intimacy issues in relationships can arise.

It is crucial in a marriage for the couple to feel close to each other physically and emotionally. They may find themselves drifting apart if they do not resolve their problems with intimacy quickly.

Here are some ways on how to deal with intimacy problems and how to overcome intimacy issues.

Also watch: Signs you are afraid of intimacy

Recognize the signs of intimacy issues

Before you begin dealing with the intimacy issue, you have to first recognize that your relationship exhibits the intimacy disorder symptoms.

Married couples should learn to recognize the signs of intimacy issues, and they should try to find out why they are having trouble with intimacy in their relationship.  

If you find yourself sexually frustrated or feel uncomfortable with intimacy in your relationship, there is undoubtedly a problem that needs to be fixed. Emotional and physical intimacy are intertwined in ways we are yet to fully understand since the correlation can vary depending on the couple. 

Here are some obvious signs that your relationships are suffering from intimacy issues:

• Uncomfortable with being emotionally open
• Often being unavailable when your partner needs you
• Your relationship usually do not last long (less than a year)
• Hesitant towards making a commitment
• Being sexually uninterested early in your relationships

Understand each other’s expectations

Expectations are part and parcel of every relationship. The fulfillment that you may or may not get from a relationship is highly contingent on how good you and your partner are at meeting each other’s expectations.

Physical intimacy issues or sexual intimacy issues in marriage can happen when couples have different expectations.  Sometimes, someone in the relationship may want more physical closeness than the other.

When a physical need is not met, feelings of frustration and neglect will follow.  

Most of the time, the husband and the wife may have different ideas of what intimacy is, and because of this, they do not know how to satisfy each other’s needs and, at times, even start avoiding intimacy.

So how to get close to someone with intimacy issues?

Communication is the key to understanding each other’s expectations and needs. Couples should talk about what they want, and each one should be willing to compromise, so they both will be physically satisfied.

Talk about your concerns

As stated earlier, communication is essential in understanding your partner’s needs.

It is important in every relationship for couples to be able to address what causes intimacy issues and talk about what are the intimacy issues crippling their relationship.

They should be open about anything that is bothering them and preventing them from being physically close to their spouse. They should also be open about their insecurities and fears that cause inhibition about intimacy.

Issues about trust and commitment should also be discussed in every relationship to deal with the emotional intimacy issues, so the spouse will know how to make them feel more secure and loved.

Recognize the outside factors

The cause of intimacy issues in a relationship might also be due to external factors that we won’t have much control over. Women with intimacy issues or men with intimacy issues might feel instigated by factors outside their marriage or relationship.

When one or both from the couple is distracted by problems at work or by issues from people in their extended family, then intimacy could be greatly affected.

When a couple is stressed out about other things, being intimate will be the last thing on their mind.

No one can really prevent problems from happening.

But what you can do is to recognize that these problems are distracting you from being close to your spouse. Both husband and wife should learn to take things one at a time and be able to live in the present.

Learn to set your problems aside and take time to focus your attention and love for your partner whenever you get the chance to be alone. 

Learn to communicate when you cannot do so; avoid having your partner attributing the intimacy problems to themselves or the relationship’s quality. 

Consider medical issues

Medical issues could also be the culprit for intimacy issues in a marriage.  A person’s health can significantly affect sexual desire and performance. For instance, if a man has erectile dysfunction, it will affect his confidence in bed.

He will avoid being intimate with his wife, so she will not notice the problem.

On the other hand, a woman may also lack sexual desire due to a hormonal imbalance, and having sex with her husband can become more of a painful chore than a pleasurable experience.

If you discover these issues affecting your sex life and wonder how to deal with intimacy issues, you should seek help and find a cure for these medical conditions.

Addressing emotional baggage

Lastly, to know how to help someone with intimacy issues, couples should be able to share their emotional pains and sufferings with their spouse.  

If someone in the relationship feels resentment for their partner, then the couple has something that is tearing them apart.

Couples should work together on finding ways on how to heal emotional scars and resolve any issue that is making them see their spouse as more of an enemy than a lover.

Intimacy issues in a marriage should never be ignored. When physical needs are not met, couples are more prone to infidelity, or worse, falling out of love. Once you realize you have these issues in your relationship, take steps to improve your intimacy with your spouse.

Continue exploring this topic

Talk to our Marriage.com AI Relationship Coach

Chat with me, ask questions and get help

Start Chatting

Marriage.com AI: Your Relationship Guide

Talk through what's on your mind.

Automated

Hi, I'm your relationship guide. What's on your mind?

YOU COULD START WITH

How can I recognize intimacy issues?

How can we get closer as a couple?

AI guidance only - not therapy. In crisis? Call a helpline or Find a Therapist

Terms

Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now