How Long Does It Take to Get Over Infidelity: 11 Tips

Betrayal can feel like the ground has shifted beneath your feet—suddenly, nothing feels steady. The questions come rushing in: “Why did this happen? How do I move forward? Will things ever feel normal again?” 

Healing after such a blow doesn’t happen overnight; it often feels like a tug-of-war between hope and hurt. Many wonder how long does it take to get over infidelity, and the truth is, it’s different for everyone. 

Some days bring peace, others stir up old wounds… but little by little, strength returns, trust reshapes, and a new sense of self begins to take root.

How long does it take to get over infidelity?

Healing after betrayal doesn’t come with a fixed timeline. For some, the pain may ease within six months to a year, while for others, it can take several years depending on the depth of the relationship, the support system, and the willingness of both partners to rebuild. 

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

Healing from infidelity is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no set timeline for recovery.

With patience, open communication, and commitment to healing, many couples can rebuild trust and emerge stronger, though the process can take time.

So, when asking how long does it take to get over infidelity, the honest answer is—there’s no universal clock, only personal pace.

For example: One couple might find a way back to each other in under a year, using counseling and open communication to rebuild trust. Another person, choosing to leave the relationship, may still feel echoes of the betrayal long after moving on. The difference often lies in the paths taken—not just the passage of time.

Please note:

If you’re in the middle of this journey, please remember—healing isn’t about rushing or meeting a deadline. It’s about allowing yourself space, kindness, and patience. The heart does mend, even if slowly, and one day the pain will feel lighter than it does today.

4 stages of healing after an affair

Recovering from an affair is one of the hardest emotional journeys, and it rarely follows a straight path. Many people wonder how long does it take to get over infidelity, but the truth is, healing depends on the person, the relationship, and the choices made along the way. 

Understanding the stages of recovery can make the process feel less overwhelming and provide a sense of direction when everything feels uncertain.

Stage 1: Shock and denial

The first stage often comes with disbelief and emotional numbness. It may feel unreal, as if the relationship you knew has vanished overnight. This is the mind’s way of cushioning the blow.

Stage 2: Anger and grief

As reality sinks in, emotions can surge—anger, sadness, blame, or even shame. This stage is painful but natural. It reflects the deep loss of trust and connection caused by the betrayal.

Stage 3: Reflection and understanding

Here, the focus shifts from raw pain to processing what happened. Questions about getting over infidelity begin to surface. Some seek therapy, while others lean on self-reflection or supportive communities to find clarity.

Stage 4: Rebuilding or letting go

The final stage involves making choices: rebuilding the relationship with trust and commitment, or moving forward separately. Both paths are valid when learning how to get over infidelity, and both can lead to peace and growth.

11 healing tips to get over infidelity

Healing after betrayal takes time, patience, and gentle care for yourself. There isn’t a quick fix, but there are small, steady steps that can help ease the pain and guide you toward clarity. 

Whether the goal is rebuilding the relationship or finding strength to move forward on your own, these tips can offer direction when everything feels heavy. Think of them as gentle reminders—you don’t have to do everything at once, just one step at a time, in a way that feels right for you.

1. Honesty is the best policy

How to move past cheating? Be honest with each other.

Grady Shumway, LMHC, further shares:

Honesty lays the foundation for rebuilding trust and understanding in a relationship after infidelity. Both partners need to openly address their feelings, motivations, and expectations for moving forward to heal and create a stronger bond.

The saying does not exist for nothing. If you really wish to get over infidelity in a relationship, one of the most important things to do is be honest. 

The cheater and the spouse they cheated on should be very honest about what happened, what led to it, and where they want to go. If you do not talk honestly with each other, the relationship is likely to go down.

• How it helps: Honesty clears away confusion, reduces assumptions, and builds the foundation for trust to slowly return. It makes room for genuine healing instead of carrying hidden resentments.

2. Establish intent

Another important tip regarding getting over infidelity is to establish intent. 

Do you both want to work out your relationship? 

Does any of you want an out? 

How do you want to deal with this?

These are some questions you need to ask and make a decision on.

• How it helps: Establishing intent gives clarity and direction, preventing lingering uncertainty. It ensures both partners are on the same page about whether to rebuild together or part ways respectfully.

3. Grieve

As humans, one of the first things we try to do when something bad happens is to get through it. However, sometimes, we are so caught up in getting through it that we forget to process our emotions.

How long does it take to get over an affair? It might take a long time, but the process begins when you finally start grieving. You may do this when you discover your spouse has cheated on you. 

However, you should take a step back from the situation and grieve instead of trying to fix it right away. If you do not, you will project your unprocessed emotions onto your future relationship with your spouse or other people.

• How it helps: Grieving allows you to release bottled-up emotions, preventing them from spilling into future interactions. It creates emotional space to heal and move forward with clarity.

4. Acceptance

Another important tip when it comes to dealing with infidelity is acceptance. While it is tough, half the problem goes away when you finally accept what has happened. When you accept the situation, you stop questioning why and how it might have happened and are able to look at a solution.

• How it helps: Acceptance ends the cycle of “what ifs” and self-blame, freeing you to focus on solutions, healing, and healthier decisions instead of dwelling on the past.

5. Work on rebuilding trust

Another important tip when it comes to getting over infidelity is working on rebuilding trust. It cannot happen overnight, and you may need to put in a lot of effort, especially because it was lost.

• How it helps: Rebuilding trust lays the groundwork for security and openness in the relationship, allowing both partners to feel safe enough to reconnect and rebuild intimacy.

6. Understand the reasons

While infidelity can really harm a relationship, it does not happen for nothing. Infidelity can mean some problems in the marriage that need to be addressed. You may need to understand where you and your partner went wrong and try to rectify those problem areas.

• How it helps: Understanding the reasons behind infidelity shifts focus from blame to problem-solving, giving both partners the chance to address unmet needs and prevent the cycle from repeating.

7. Focus on yourself

Infidelity can really harm your self-worth and make you question things about yourself. Therefore, as important as rebuilding your relationship, it is also important to focus on yourself. 

Grady Shumway highlights that:

Prioritizing self-care is essential to healing, as it helps rebuild your confidence and emotional resilience. By focusing on your own well-being, you not only regain strength but also create a healthier foundation for whatever decision you make about your relationship.

Finding time to do things that make you feel better – working out, spending time with family and friends, reading, etc., can help you disconnect from the relationship troubles for some time, and recenter.

Infidelity is known to have an effect on your mental health. You must ensure that you can find the right coping mechanisms in order to deal with it.

• How it helps: Focusing on yourself restores your sense of identity and confidence, giving you the strength to heal independently and make clearer choices about your relationship’s future.

8. Hear them out

It may be challenging, but you should give your partner a chance to tell their side of the story. Hear them out, decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship, and give it another shot.

• How it helps: Listening without interruption fosters understanding and gives you a fuller picture, helping you make decisions with more awareness rather than assumptions.

9. Think it through

Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is not an easy task. However, it is not impossible either. You can make it work with strong commitment, forgiveness, and the right intent.

• How it helps: Careful reflection ensures decisions are thoughtful, not reactive. It helps you weigh the pros and cons before choosing whether to rebuild or move on.

Watch this TED Talk by Lucy Beresford, a relationship expert and psychotherapist, who shares that choosing to stay and rebuild after infidelity can often be the braver, more meaningful path forward.

10. Seek professional help

To get over infidelity, it is strongly recommended that you seek professional help. Couples counseling can help you see the details of the problems, and a professional can give you the right tools to handle the situation.

• How it helps: Professional guidance offers unbiased support, practical strategies, and emotional safety, making it easier to navigate difficult conversations and rebuild trust effectively.

11. Practice patience

Healing after infidelity doesn’t happen overnight. Rebuilding trust, restoring self-worth, and finding emotional balance takes time. Trying to rush the process often leads to frustration or disappointment. Give yourself and your partner the space needed to grow at a natural pace.

• How it helps: Patience reduces pressure on both partners, allowing healing to unfold gradually. It helps prevent unrealistic expectations and creates room for lasting emotional recovery rather than temporary fixes.

Please note:

Healing after infidelity takes time, but it is possible. The pain won’t always feel this sharp, and each small step forward matters. Whether you choose to rebuild or move on, trust that peace will return. Be gentle with yourself—you are stronger and more deserving than you know.

FAQ

When it comes to betrayal, doubts and worries often linger long after the initial shock. Here are a few thoughtful answers to questions people often have while navigating this difficult journey.

• Can infidelity change the way you see future relationships?

Yes, it can shape how you view trust, intimacy, and communication. But with healing and self-work, many people rebuild healthier expectations and boundaries in future relationships.

• Is it possible to forgive without forgetting?

Forgiveness doesn’t mean erasing the memory. It means releasing the weight of constant anger so you can move forward, whether you stay together or not.

• Does everyone heal from infidelity in the same way?

No—healing is deeply personal. Some people process emotions quickly, while others take years. There is no “right” way; what matters is finding what helps you feel whole again.

Wrapping up

Getting over infidelity is never simple—it’s a journey filled with questions, emotions, and choices that take time to untangle. Whether you decide to rebuild trust or create a new path on your own, healing is possible. 

There’s no single answer to how long does it take to get over infidelity—what matters most is honoring your feelings, setting healthy boundaries, and giving yourself the care you deserve. In time, the pain softens, strength grows, and hope begins to return.