10 Ways on How to Get Your Partner to Open Up

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Do you wish to know how to get your partner to open up? Does your partner find it challenging to speak freely around you? Keep reading this guide to learn ways to help your partner to open up.

Honest and open communication should be the basis of every relationship. Still, many people wonder how to get their partner to speak up. Intentional communication is a major part of relationships. It brings couples together and increases their intimacy. 

However, some people have challenges in how to open up to someone. While it might be weird, speaking freely or sharing feelings is not a skill many enjoy. It takes them a while to get comfortable with others, even their partner, and share their deepest thoughts and emotions. 

This situation can be very difficult when they date very expressive people. These people often wonder how to get someone to talk about their feelings, but they don’t want to force it. Forcing someone to open up will make the situation worse. They might even stop trusting you. Thankfully, there are easy situations like this. 

If you have a girlfriend and want to know how to get her to open up emotionally, you are in the right place. There are natural and simple ways to make your partner talk and improve your relationship. Before we explore that, it might be best to explore why someone doesn’t know how to open up to someone.

Why someone might be close off

There is always a reason for everything in life. Before you seek how to help someone express their feelings or how to get your partner to open up, you must know the reasons behind their actions. Everyone has a story, but you won’t know if you don’t ask. The following are the reasons someone might be close off.

1. They don’t feel emotionally connected to you

If you want to know how to help someone express their feelings, ask if you have considered their emotions. Often, people find it easy to communicate with people they have feelings for. If your partner isn’t communicating as much as you want, have you confirmed their love for you? 

Of course, you may think, “But they are with me…”. Many people are in a relationship they are not attached to. Your partner may just be one of them. Emotions and feelings come first before communication. You will continue seeking to get your partner to open up if these are absent.

2. Upbringing and background

Sometimes when we judge others harshly or unfairly, we forget that their background and upbringing shape their personality. You are who you are because of your background. If you have challenges opening up to someone you are dating, understand that it didn’t just start today.

Perhaps you grew up with reserved parents who don’t talk much. Or the parent you are closest with doesn’t express their feelings appropriately. In addition, if you have dismissive, harsh parents who dwelt on blame and guilt-tripping, you may be scared of opening up to people. 

The thought that you will be judged and blamed will prevent you from talking. These situations are part of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) that contribute to childhood trauma which leads to communication problems in adulthood.

3. Personality

Generally, there are terms to classify all types of personalities. Still, it isn’t an attempt to put people into boxes that limit their abilities. Rather, it is to help them and others understand their qualities and deal with one another appropriately.

People who don’t talk much are sometimes described as reticent, reserved, quiet, or introverted. Although introverts express their feelings when needed, some don’t like to open up. In addition, gentle and meek individuals act more than they talk.

Learn about the needs of introverts in this video:

4. Experience

Another factor that greatly affects how people open up is their experience. You may have been expressive in the past, but your experience wasn’t favorable. For instance, if someone or your ex-spouse took advantage of your expressiveness in the past, you may not want to do the same in the future. Consequently, that affects your relationship and your partner, who might be stuck with you.

5. You worry about people’s opinion

Worrying about people’s thoughts over your actions is something we battle with every day or have battled with in the past. Many people might not know how to open up to someone because they are scared of being judged or criticized. 

Even if your background and experience are great, you may not want others to pass their judgment on your actions. Although it’s a valid reason, it only becomes a problem when you don’t know how to open up to someone you are dating.

10 Ways on how to get your partner to open up

If you want to improve your relationship, you may want to know how to get your partner to open up. Thankfully, there are strategies to improve your chances. While there is no surefire way, the following tips might improve the situation of not opening up to one’s partner:

1. Ask

Sometimes, the solution how to get someone to talk about their feelings is simple. Ask! It’s easy to assume that someone doesn’t communicate much just because you do much of it. However, have you considered asking? If you think they have changed in the past few weeks, ask what changed. It might be as simple as, “Your Dressing has changed. What happened?”

2. Ask a direct question

Don’t beat around the bush if you want to know how to get your partner to open up. Also, don’t mince your words, as they might not convey your thoughts. If you aren’t sure about the relationship, tell them. You may say, “I am not sure where our relationship is leading to, or I don’t feel like we are dating.” Honesty is very important in communication.

3. Be vulnerable

You can’t seek how to get her to open up emotionally when you are closed off yourself. Share your vulnerabilities if you want your partner to do the same. Freely talk about your deepest emotions, secrets, and feelings. This puts your partner’s mind at rest and prompts them to talk about theirs.

Christiana Njoku, LPC, mentioned in one of her articles that

In trying to get your partner to open up to you, you have to show them that you have nothing to hide yourself.

4. Schedule a time to talk

Don’t start discussion in the middle of their work day or when they look stressed. Instead, create a time when they will be less busy or in their best emotions. This action set a positive mood and tone for the discussion. It also makes communication flow smoothly.

5. Do something fun together

You might not have noticed, but the deepest emotions are shared when people do things together. If you want to know how to get your partner to open up, create an activity for both of you. That may be as simple as doing house chores like cooking, washing the dishes, or cleaning the house. 

Engaging in activities together is magical; it can be a great time for your partner to be well-positioned to open up to you.

adds Christiana Njoku.

Also, you can consider playing a sport you both enjoy or participating in a charity together. In between these events, you can throw in some questions casually.

Related Reading: 8 Fun Relationship Building Activities to Start Today!

6. Be a good listener

Be a good listener if you want someone to open up to you. Active listening can help you in this aspect. It involves looking at your partner when they talk and showing interest by nodding. Also, you can ask questions to show you are following them.

7. Use your body language effectively

Did you know that your body language communicates your feelings in a relationship? When you listen to your partner, you must position your body to show you are there for them. 

Do you appear confident, calm, and relaxed? If you stand with your arms akimbo, it might look like you want to talk quickly so you can get on your way. You need to show your partner that they can talk freely with you.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask some questions

The best tip to help someone express their feelings is to ask heavy questions. Ask intimate, scary, and profound questions. Don’t stay away from it; they will only help you know your partner more. 

Vulnerability is generally uncomfortable, but it helps eventually. Ask those deep questions you have been meaning to ask. Dig deeper as much as possible. You aren’t crossing the line. After all, the person is your partner. It is your right to know them well.

9. Show that you care

If your partner perceives that you don’t care about them, they might not open up to you. Even if you do, they might not be seeing it as clearly. Therefore, put more effort into showing them you love and care for them. Specifically, use affirmative words to display your affection for them. For example, if you have been buying flowers for them alone, try adding notes next time. 

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Show Someone You Care About Them

10. Do something new

Sometimes, you can’t get a different result if you keep doing things the same way. If your approaches in the past have not yielded anything, try something else. Perhaps your partner gets scared when you accuse them of not opening up. Make them relaxed the next time. Also, if you have been buying them the same gifts over and over, try something else.

Final thought

Relationships are best enjoyed when two partners understand each other and communicate effectively and consistently. However, some individuals can’t get their partners to talk freely. Therefore, they want to know how to change the situation. 

If you want to know how to get your partner to open up, the tips in this relationship guide can help you. They are simple and require a little effort. If you believe you need more help, it is best to consult a relationship therapist or expert