15 Glaring Signs That Affirm You Are in an Abusive Relationship

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Updated: 1 Dec, 2022

Table of Contents

Notice red flags early so you can protect your safety and relationship and choose healthier paths together.
Nurture mutual respect and boundaries to feel seen, heard, and trusted, which deepens emotional intimacy.
Ask for support and take action when needed, moving toward safety or healing so you can reconnect with care and hope.

As it has been earlier discussed, human beings cannot live well in the isolation of mind, body, soul, and spirit. We must always engage ourselves in one relationship or the other. Therefore engaging in healthy relationships is an important part of a fulfilled life. Relationships enrich our lives and add to our enjoyment to being alive, but we all know that is there is no perfect relationship. There are meant to be ups and downs in a relationship, arguments and disagreements are inevitable.

However, humans are made to relate with others in a positive and enhancing way. But, it is quite unfortunate this isn’t always the case because there are negative and abusive relationships. These abusive relationships cause discomfort, and sometimes even cause harm to your mind, spirit, emotion, and body. There are meant to be ups and downs in a relationship but arguments and disagreements should not lead to any form of abuse.

Below are some signs or red flags you that will show you that you are in an abusive relationship:

1. Your partner shows unwarranted jealousy

You should know you are in an abusive relationship once your partner is unnecessary jealous of the things you do, how you act and who you relate with. Your partner may show levels of agitation when you spend time with other people or on other things – outside of the relationship.

2. Your partner doesn’t take “No” for an answer

Your spouse treats ‘no’ as the beginning of an unending negotiation, rather than the end of a discussion. He refuses to hear you negate his opinions and decisions. Eventually, almost everything you do that doesn’t make him/her feel in control will result in increased hostility.

3. Your partner is shy of being with you

Whenever you are with an abusive partner, he or she is always timid and shy of people seeing you both together due to his or her abusive nature.

4. Your partner threatens you

Abusive partners always desire and want to be in control. Use of authority and power is a way of being in control. A way of being in power is to use threat and undue influence to control and manipulate you

5. You are kept outside the “circle”

You are in an abusive relationship if your spouse will exclude you not only from their heart, from their good will and from their approval, they will also exclude you from their activities. You become a stranger to the actions of your spouse.

6. You doubt yourself

Your spouse will deliberately lie to you to confuse you and make you doubt your perceptions. Abusive partners will make you doubt their own notes, clarifications, memory, and sanity. Sometimes they will argue and wear you down until you don’t trust what you know is true.

7. Abusers will throw you cheap affections

Most abusers offer crumbs of love or approval or compliments or buy you gifts in order to keep you in their circle of influence or under their thumb.

8. Destructive criticism and verbal abuse

You are in an abusive relationship once you notice your spouse shouts, screams, mocks, accuses or threatens you verbally. You should try your possible best to get out of an abusive relationship, they can destroy you!

9. Disrespect

It is a warning sign of an abusive relationship once your spouse disrespects you. He or she will belittle you even in the public. They enjoy putting you down in front of other people; not listening or responding when you talk; interrupting your telephone calls; refusing to help.

10. Harassment

An abusive partner harasses you in every way possible. He monitors your phone calls, who you go out with, who you see. He or she tries to be in control of your life.

11. Sexual violence

An abusive partner uses force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts; having sex with you when you don’t want to have sex. They try to intimidate you to have sex with them. They might even rape you.

12. Physical violence

If you negate your spouse’s opinion and he/she ends up punching; slapping; hitting; biting; pinching; kicking; pulling hair out; pushing; shoving; burning; or even strangling you, get out of the relationship, it is abusive!

13. Denial

An abusive partner denies his actions. Your abusive partner does not take responsibility for his or her actions. Your abusive partner saying the abuse doesn’t happen; saying you caused the abusive behavior.

14. Inability to trust your partner

It’s a clear sign of an abusive relationship if your partner is totally untrustworthy. If you cannot hold your spouse for his or her words due to lies, breaking promises, then you are in an abusive relationship.

15. You feel at risk

Once you are not free to express your mind and thoughts, when you feel your body, spirit, and soul is at the risk of being harmed, it is a warning sign that you are engaged in an abusive relationship.

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Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less

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What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

How do you tell if something is emotional abuse and not just “normal relationship conflict”?

Mike

I kept telling myself it wasn’t that bad, but I was constantly anxious and careful about what I said. Living like that didn’t feel normal, even if I tried to justify it.

Taylor

I didn’t have a clear label for it at the time, but feeling like I was always walking on eggshells was a big sign something was wrong.

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