What Not to Say to Someone Getting Divorced: 7 Things

You must have the courage to fight for your love, but much more if you want to end your marriage.

A call from a good friend late at night telling you they are filing for divorce may come as a shocker, but wait. Before you say anything, you need to know what not to say to someone getting divorced.

We understand.

It also hurts us when we hear that a friend is going through this tough phase, but learning what to say to someone getting a divorce is a must!

7 things to never say to a friend going through a divorce

Your friend needs you.

So, it makes sense that we must know what not to say to someone getting divorced. The last thing that we would want is to rub salt into the wound.

Before you give your advice for someone getting a divorce, think carefully and avoid blurting out the following:

1. Good thing you didn’t have kids together, right?

No one wants to get divorced. It is, by itself, a sensitive topic.

Remember that you don’t know their struggles, so saying that it was a good thing that they didn’t have any kids is cruel. Some might have suffered miscarriages, while others wanted kids but couldn’t.

Instead of making your friend feel better, you might add more to their pain.

2. Who cheated?

If your friend tells you that they are having a divorce, don’t go all excited asking who cheated first.

Be sensitive and know that there could be other factors that lead a once-beautiful marriage to divorce. It’s not nice to assume that someone cheated.

3. That’s so sad. You two looked so happy together

Some couples have been working so hard for their family but realize it too when to get a divorce.

In these instances, it would be very insensitive to comment that they looked so happy as a couple. They probably know that, and reminding your friend about this may trigger them to go into defensive mode.

4. Why so sudden? Did you try marriage counseling?

“Can someone refuse to get divorced? Have you tried marriage counseling?”

We get it. You want to try to help your friend, but by this time, they have probably tried their best to work on their marriage.

Getting the same comments about how they could fix their marriage would not help.

5. Hey! Tell me everything? Was it your in-laws or money?

Some couples want to keep their divorce as private as they can. However, some people just know how to find out if someone is getting divorced.

Worse, they would phone you up and begin asking intrusive questions.

Instead of getting support, your friend might feel invaded, disrespected, and alone.

6. Don’t let your ex see your kids, and make sure they know what he or she did to you!

Here is what not to say to someone getting divorced – “make sure your kids hate their other parent.” 

Divorce is a long and hard process, especially when kids are involved. Telling your friend to alienate their kids from their other parent isn’t exactly the best support your friend needs right now. In fact, it’s not advisable to do this too.

7. I knew your ex was bad news. You didn’t listen to me!

We get it. You love your friend, and you’re relieved that it’s finally over, but remember to be sensitive.

Don’t scold or blame your friend for not seeing the actual situation. They don’t need that. What they need is love, understanding, non-judgmental friends, and support.

How do you deal with a friend going through a divorce?

A friend going through a divorce is already hard.

Now that you know what not to say to someone getting divorced, it’s time to know the many ways you can support your friend:

1. Know what to say to someone getting divorced.
2. Help them if they need to move out.
3. Be there and listen to them.
4. Help them get back on their feet.
5. Be with them when they need you.
6. Respect them and their decisions.
7. Don’t press for details. Allow them to heal first.
8. Hug your friend. They need this a lot.
9. Ask if they need anything and offer help if you can.
10. Don’t judge them or their decisions.

Some commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help clear up your doubts about what not to say to someone going through a divorce:

• What not to say to a divorced woman?

We’re pretty much familiar with what not to say to someone getting divorced. Believe us, there can be plenty of things that may seem harmless but are actually painful.

For example, as a friend, you should never say the following to a divorced woman.

1. Too bad. You don’t have any kids. Now you don’t have a husband either.
2. You’re so lucky you always have your ‘alone’ time.
3. I knew it. You didn’t listen to me.
4. I’m so sorry you didn’t find a good husband.
5. You’ll find a better man. Don’t worry.

As you can see, some of these may look harmless, but for the people involved, it could be a sharp knife that stabs them in the heart.

• How do you comfort a friend going through a divorce?

The one thing that we all want to do for a friend who’s going through a divorce is to help and support them, but how?

It’s not that hard.

Aside from knowing what not to say to someone getting divorced, you just have to remember to be sensitive, empathetic, patient, and of course, non-judgmental.

Let them know that you’re always there for them if they need you, but also learn to respect their time.

The main goal here is to make your friend feel that you’re there to listen, support, understand and help.

Watch this video to learn more about how to help a friend going through a divorce:

Final thoughts

You never know the importance of what not to say to someone getting divorced until you truly understand how each statement could affect them.

As a friend, it’s a must that we are sensitive and empathetic towards the people we love. By doing so, we will know what to say, how to say it, and what we can do to support a person going through a divorce.