12 Communication Failures That Cause Even the Strongest Marriage to Fail

Some of the best marriages probably break down because of communication problems between a couple.

Some couples are so in love and committed to each other but who don’t appear to get along because their communication is awry.  

And to top it all off, marriage counselors often cite a lack of communication or communication issues in marriage as being one of the biggest deal breakers in marriage.

So, understanding what communications failures you might experience in your marriage and seeking to correct them is well worth the effort, don’t you think?  

But, how to fix a lack of communication in a relationship?

The article shares the 12 most common communication failures or communication issues in relationships and what can be done to fix them. 

1. Listening, but not listening

One of the biggest communication failures we experience is our incredible ability to listen, but not listen.  

If only we all just realized that this was a huge cause of problems in marriages and we can all be guilty of it.  Take time to practice developing your listening skills to bring some peace to your marriage!

2. Focusing only on what you need to offload

Most people in a relationship can recall a time when they just offloaded onto their spouse without any interest in hearing what’s happening with their spouse.  

We all know that all take and no give is not healthy, and we’ve all probably been guilty of this occasionally.  Avoid this communication failure by checking yourself regularly.

3. Speaking without checking yourself first

Oh, this is one communication failure that we can all trip upon from time to time.

Make it a practice to check in and think before you start yelling and screaming in relationships, and you’ll save your marriage some trouble and strife!  

4. Not checking the tone of your voice

Dr. John Gottman claims that he found in his research that how you start a discussion is how you end a discussion.

So checking your tone of voice to make sure that it’s not going to set things off on the wrong tone is something that we could all start doing.  

This way, we’ll avoid this communication failure in the future.

5. Non-verbal communication

Don’t let your non-verbal communication be the communication failures that let down your marriage. Your facial expressions and gestures and even eye rolls will all be registered for the good or the bad.  

6. Blaming

Blame is a frequent communication failure that occurs in marriage.  

The saying familiarity breeds contempt is appropriate here. Try to remember this and project kindness, gratitude, and acceptance toward your spouse before you start stepping into the blame game.  

7. Degrading your spouse

This communication failure is a definite no-go; it’s not ok to degrade your spouse. Instead, focus on building each other up and admiring their good qualities than focusing on their bad qualities.

8. Making assumptions

Making assumptions is a typical communication problem that many of us have; we often assume that somebody is a certain way, or will behave or react a certain way.  

Which means that when we communicate, it doesn’t matter if your spouse is not responding how you expect him or her to respond you’ll still assume that they are going to, or that they are thinking it.  

Which can lead to insecurity and uncertainty on your part and frustration on your spouse’s part?

9. Projecting your insecurities

We often assume that everybody thinks in the same way that we do, but they often don’t.  A classic example of a person projecting their insecurities in a marriage is when one spouse is unusually quiet (usually the male).  

Their spouse might start to assume something is wrong, in particular with the marriage or how their spouse perceives them.  

In this example, this situation occurs because the perceiving spouse might be afraid that one day their marriage might hit the rocks, or their spouse might find them unattractive as they grow older.  This can lead to arguments, confusion, insecurity, and unnecessary blame.

10. Not expressing yourself to your spouse

Some people have a hard time showing themselves.

They find it harder to communicate how they feel, which can lead to feelings of frustration or of not being understood.  This classic communication failure is easy to resolve; you just need to open up a little bit more to your spouse and let them ‘see you.’

11. Having unrealistic expectations

Society teaches us that there is a specific way that the ideal marriage or even lifestyle should be, but we are not all able to fit neatly into society’s little boxes.  

So if you have built an expectation that your marriage will pan out as they show in the glossy magazines, and then get mad with your spouse for letting you down, then you’ve just fallen foul to unrealistic expectations.

Unrealistic expectations are regular culprits for causing communication failures.   

Remember to check what your spouse expects from the marriage, relationship, lifestyle, and you’ll allow yourselves to negotiate and create realistic and mutually satisfying expectations together. 

Also watch: Partner Expectations- What you ‘need’ and what you ‘want’.

12. Talking together but not talking

So you chat regularly about nothing too important, but nobody is addressing the elephant in the room, or nobody is expressing their needs, dreams, desires, fantasies, and expectations.  

Which means everything in your communication is superficial.  

This communication will set you on the fast-track to drifting apart if you allow it to, and all you have to do is open up and trust each other more.

Continue exploring this topic

Talk to our Marriage.com AI Relationship Coach

Chat with me, ask questions and get help

Start Chatting

Marriage.com AI: Your Relationship Guide

Talk through what's on your mind.

Automated

Hi, I'm your relationship guide. What's on your mind?

YOU COULD START WITH

What communication failures can ruin a strong marriage?

Why do communication problems lead to marriage breakdowns?

AI guidance only - not therapy. In crisis? Call a helpline or Find a Therapist

Terms

Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now