Marriages have a tendency to become platforms for all of our inner conflicts and games we play with ourselves and with others. And, we tend to drift away from our partner owing to the escalating communication problems with the spouse.
In such close relationships, we share more than just feelings with our spouse- our future, our belongings, and our relationships with others. It is easy to succumb to the temptation of making our spouse the target for any problem we might have, and we’re commonly unaware of it.
We’re unaware of how entrenched our marriage communication has become over the years, and how detrimental it often is. Nevertheless, that is not an excuse not to tackle some of the common communication problems many married couples have in their interaction.
Marriage and communication are inseparable. Having said that, the next obvious question to arise is, how to fix marriage communication problems?
Thereby, in this article, are discussed a few common communication problems in a marriage. These marital communication problems can be tackled effectively if you value your relationship more than anything else.
1. Not discussing a particular problem
Couples who are married share either a long history, or a vision of a long future ahead, or more frequently both. And it’s no wonder that any argument, however benign it may be, often involves not merely the current, particular problem, but also the whole past and future.
And this is unfair and especially damaging to a relationship.
If you’re mad at your spouse for not taking the dog for a walk, don’t jump to conclusions too soon.
Do not make any severe assumptions that your spouse always disregard you or that they are selfish. Do not try to time-travel to the past and scavenge their past mistakes or hurtful actions to correlate to the present.
Whenever you are tempted to do it, remember that this is your own created story, of which your spouse is completely unaware. The reality might be entirely different than the story that you have etched in your mind.
Taking that step back is what a time-out would bring. But, married couples often keep on fighting well after the argument has escalated, and any chance of effective communication is long lost.
They yell, insults are hurled at each other, and someone usually ends up crying while the other one slams the door in a fury. But, both are hurt and probably significantly angrier and more frustrated than at the beginning.
And, this is how more and more marriage communication issues build up.
Even though any frustration should be explicitly and directly addressed in a marriage, there is also a moment in which both spouses should just take a break from a futile fight, chill their heads, and then return after they had some time to think about what the other side was saying.
A time-out at the right time does wonders for a stuck argument.
3. Casting blame
One of the biggest contributors to marriage communication problems is the blame game.
The place in which the majority of marriage arguments get stuck is usually when one or both of the spouses begins to blame the other for that problem. And, this is not where they stop.
They even dig out the hurtful past and blame each other for everything else that might have gone wrong in their relationship since the beginning of times.
This “you” talk is an inefficient and hurting way of conversing. Blame-game is bound to end up in a dead-end street.
Watch this video to learn the importance of not blaming others, and owning your mistakes.
4. Hitting all the soft spots
Finally, being married inevitably means that you will learn about the weaknesses and the weak spots of your spouse. You know where it hurts and where it feels good, you know them even better than they know themselves.
And this is all right, as married couples should cherish one another and protect their partner from feeling any pain. But, in a quarrel, this knowledge commonly turns into a lethal weapon which further escalates the communication problems.
Married people know precisely where, when, and how to hit to do the most damage.
Yet, this might win you the argument, but then you will probably lose some of your spouse’s trust and closeness. And winning a fight, however big or small it may be, is not worth that loss. After all rebuilding trust in a marriage is not a piece of cake.
Do you happen to come across any of these communication problems in your marriage?
It’s no wonder; marriage is such an institution that has a way of turning into an actual communication battlefield. Nevertheless, the first step in improving your relationship is to become aware of the problem.
Now that you acknowledged the struggles you might have in talking things over with your husband or your wife, it is time to re-learn to communicate. Healthy communication is the basis of a healthy relationship.
So, waste no more time, and remember – you got married with the intention to love and respect one another. It is this intention that will help you overcome such an easily solvable problem as inadequate communication – it is you who is in charge of it, after all.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.