5 Things You Need To Know About Forgiveness in Marriage

David McFadden

David McFadden, Marriage & Family Therapist

Expertise: Marriage & Family Therapist

As licensed therapists in practice since 1994 both my wife and I are experts in helping couples with troubled marriages. We designed a 6 month R.E.S.C.U.E. program... Read more

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, Marriage & Family Therapist , Marriage & Family Therapist

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Updated: 16 Mar, 2023

Table of Contents

Acknowledging hurt and choosing forgiveness helps you show up as a partner, not a victim, and invites deeper closeness.
Letting go requires letting go of revenge and blame, and by voicing your feelings you invite repair and shared growth.
Forgiveness is a path to progress, not immediate trust, so keep open dialogue and patient steps toward healing that bring you closer.

If you have ever been hurt in your marriage, then it is important to learn the art of forgiveness. Although forgiveness has great importance for your general well-being and health, most people do not consider it essential.

Forgiveness is about showing the willingness to acknowledge that you are human and can be wounded and feel hurt. It also means that you want to take charge of your life and not feel or act like a victim anymore.

Forgiveness in marriage plays an essential role and is important for a healthy relationship. Practicing forgiveness allows couples to get rid of toxic hurt and shame and feel connected with one another.

Forgiveness in marriage helps couples to process negative emotions and keep themselves healthy both emotionally and physically. Learning to forgive your spouse is imperative to keep a marriage going strong.

So if you are wondering how to forgive your husband for hurting you or how to forgive your spouse when they say or do something you don’t like. Tell them how it makes you feel.

Forgiving your husband or forgiving your partner starts only when you communicate what is bothering you.

It’s not always the big things that needs forgiving but the little things too, which can lead to bitterness, resentfulness towards your spouse.

To help you get started. Here are five things you need to know about forgiveness in marriage.

1. Forgiveness is pardoning what happened

Forgiving someone does not mean you overlook what the offender did, and it does not minimize the consequences. Forgiveness can only happen if we acknowledge our hurt feelings.

You might not feel like forgiving your spouse and when you can’t forgive your spouse the anger and hurt harbors deep within you. One of the first steps to forgiveness in marriage is for you to want to grant forgiveness and develop a more realistic view of the past.

Eventually you begin to realize that people operate with a certain sense of self interest, which helps you to work through your own feelings.

2. Forgiveness is letting go

Although we deserve an apology, we should never insist on receiving one. Forgiveness means letting go of the desire to take revenge, blame, and resentment. We must decide not to get defensive and let go of it.

No matter how impossible it may seem, it is important to let go if we want to rebuild towards a healthy relationship. If we never let go, we only hurt our marriage further.

Understand how to forgive your husband once he has apologized and asked for forgiveness. It might be uncomfortable but you need to communicate your feeling before you move on.

Show compassion to move on towards a healthier life and a healthier relationship. Most of all remember to take your time as forgiveness is a process that needs it’s own time which you cannot always control.

3. Forgiveness is required for moving forward

Several studies show the benefits of forgiveness for our own physical and emotional health. Refusing to forgive can be compared to driving a car but only focusing on the rear view mirror.

It is very hard to move forward if we keep focusing on the past. Forgiveness is letting go of the bad times in order to move forward.

Stop recreating your spouses infractions in your mind. Inflicting the pain on yourself would only make it that much harder for you to move forwards.

Think like a forgiving person, don’t point finger, avoid holding grudges and make sure your partners hears and understands the depth of your hurt.

Re-committing to your relationship requires you to truly forgive your spouse and not cripple your relationship by focusing at the incident that caused the hurt.

4. Forgiveness should not be confused with trust

It can be easy to confuse forgiveness with trust, but forgiveness never means that we immediately trust our offender. Regaining trust can be a process, and the timing depends on the degree of the offense.

Although trust may take a long period of time to build, we can lose it within seconds. It is possible to provide forgiveness freely while regaining trust slowly and carefully.

Women remember things in more details than men and thus find it hard to always forget your transgressions. ‘Forgive and forget’ is a very well known phrase, however its doesn’t always apply to us.

5. Forgiveness can be difficult

We can forgive someone today but be reminded of our past hurts again and again. We may be forced to forgive again. This process requires determination and patience, and although difficult, it is worth it.

Forgiveness done unilaterally can be very damaging to one’s own self worth which in time festers into bitterness and resentment. It is essentially to know that forgiveness is not a means to set your spouse free but as a means of setting yourself free.

Open a dialogue with your partner and discuss what is bothering you openly and be receptive of their arguments as well. Try not to seek revenge, be patient and allow yourself the time you need to heal. If you are holding on to pain from the past, then maybe it is time to let go and forgive.

How to practice forgiveness starts with acknowledging the lack of forgiveness in you relationship. Marriage and forgiveness are symbiotic to each other and are necessary for each others survival.

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David McFadden Marriage & Family Therapist

As licensed therapists in practice since 1994 both my wife and I are experts in helping couples with troubled marriages. We designed a 6 month R.E.S.C.U.E. program to help couples find hope when they are ready to give up. We would love the opportunity to talk with you to see if we... Read more can help. What We Offer You: We will come alongside you and work together with you. We work hard to gain a thorough understanding of what you are experiencing and how it is affecting you. We will help you discover and clarify what it is that you really want and need. We build a nurturing relationship with you, helping you successfully manage stress as you work on achieving your objectives. We help you generate options to build new bridges, moving you toward your goals. We will help to identify obstacles and road blocks that may stand in your way. We provide a safe environment to bring help you to be responsible and accountable for the steps you want to take, and stay with you while you take those steps. We provide regular debriefings regarding all attempts at change so that you can tweak things for greater success. We also love to help you learn how to celebrate your successes and the changes in life you have been looking for. Read less

(David McFadden is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Bartlett)