21 Most Important Things in a Relationship

Love can feel simple, yet we all know it isn’t always easy. What holds two people together through laughter, misunderstandings, busy days, and quiet nights? 

It’s not just the big gestures but the small, steady choices—moments of trust, kindness, and care—that build something lasting. Sometimes it’s saying “I hear you,” sometimes it’s holding hands after an argument, sometimes it’s giving space when words fall short… 

The important things in a relationship aren’t complicated, but they do ask for heart, patience, and effort. And when they’re nurtured, love feels lighter, stronger, and far more beautiful than we ever imagined.

What is the most important thing in a relationship?

The most important thing in a relationship is trust—it creates safety, honesty, and the foundation for love to grow. Without trust, even strong feelings or good intentions often struggle to hold two people together.

According to Dionne Eleanor, a relationship & empowerment mentor:

The true strength of a relationship is measured in how you show up for each other, not only during the highs but also through the lows.

Please note:

You don’t have to get everything right. Focusing on trust, along with other important things in a relationship, is a journey you and your partner can keep choosing together, one step at a time.

21 important things in a relationship that matter 

A strong relationship isn’t built on love alone—it thrives on many small yet powerful elements. These are some  important things in a relationship—from trust to laughter—create the balance, safety, and joy every couple needs to grow together.

1. Accept your partner as they are, in all their spectacular humanness

There comes a time in every relationship when the quirks you once found adorable—like the way they clear their throat, spread butter just so, or always want dressing on the side—begin to feel annoying. 

Dionne Eleanor Reid highlights that:

Love that endures learns to flow around the edges of imperfection, the mundane moments, and occasional perceived stagnation.

Acceptance of these little things is essential for a long-term bond. No one is perfect, but hopefully the wonderful parts of your partner far outweigh the less-wonderful. So when their humanness shows, keep loving them unconditionally.

• Example: The way they clear their throat or have to have their butter spread “just so” on their piece of toast, or how they must only have their dressing on the side, never directly on their salad.

2. Take time each week to have a real discussion

One of the keys to keeping a relationship great is a great conversation, the kind where you exchange ideas, or remake the world, or just listen to differing points of views, acknowledging the other’s way of seeing and understanding. 

Having meaningful conversations—about politics, current events, or just the book you are reading—will reinforce your bond and remind you of how interesting and intelligent your partner is. 

• Example: Spend Sunday morning over coffee sharing thoughts on a movie you both watched, and listen to how your partner interprets it differently from you.. 

3. Keep sex on your radar

If sex is dwindling or non-existent, ask yourselves why?  There may be a perfectly legitimate reason for the absence of lovemaking. Happy couples report that they make sex a priority.  

The intimate connection afforded by lovemaking is vital to the health of your relationship, so don’t go too long without it.  If you have to schedule sex on the calendar, so be it. 

• Example: A couple with busy jobs sets aside Friday nights as their “no-excuses date night,” ensuring intimacy stays a consistent part of their relationship.

4. Fight fair

Great couples fight, but they fight fair.  It means that they give airtime to both parties, allowing each person to express their opinions and views.  They don’t interrupt, and they listen attentively, showing this by nodding or saying ‘I understand what you are saying’.  

Their goal is to find an agreeable compromise or resolution, one that is acceptable to both parties. If you never fight, you clearly aren’t communicating enough. 

• Example: During a disagreement about finances, instead of shouting over each other, one partner says, “I’ll explain my view first, then I’ll listen to yours,” ensuring both voices are heard before deciding together.

5. Say sorry

Do you know the power of the two words “I’m sorry” is one of the most healing in the world?  

Dionne Eleanor adds that:

Apologies often represent strength, emotional intelligence, and respect.

Be generous with your multiple “I’m sorry”. It is often just what it takes to stop a heated argument from escalating. It also has the power to bring you closer together. Don’t follow it with a “but…..” I’m sorry is enough, all on its own. 

• Example: After snapping during a stressful morning, one partner takes a breath and says, “I’m sorry I raised my voice,” which immediately softens the tension and opens space for reconnection.

6. Small gestures of love reap big rewards

Even if you have been together for 25 years, small tokens of your gratitude towards your partner are important. 

Some flowers, favorite candies, a pretty bracelet you saw at the Farmer’s market…all of these offerings tell your partner they were on your mind at that moment and you are grateful for their presence in your life. 

• Example: On the way home from work, one partner grabs the other’s favorite coffee drink “just because,” leaving it on the kitchen counter with a note that says, “Thinking of you.”

7. No relationship is 100% loving and passionate all the time

It is important to be realistic about the ebbs and flows in a relationship and not jump ship the first time you are in one of the low periods. 

Dionne Eleanor mentions:

True love doesn’t fear the low tides—it knows how to anchor itself until the waves rise again.

It is here where the real work of reinforcing your love is done.

• Example: After weeks of feeling distant due to work stress, a couple decides to cook dinner together on a Friday night, using that simple moment to reconnect and ease back into closeness.

8. Love your partner, and love yourself, too

Good, healthy relationships are made up of two good and healthy people.  Do not erase yourself to accommodate the relationship, or it will fail.

Dionne Eleanor Reid points out:

True love begins with self-love—when you take care of yourself, you become a better partner and create a healthier, stronger relationship.

Practice self-care so you can be wholly present for your partner, in mind, body, and spirit. Wondering, what are the top ten most important things in a relationship? Well! You got your answer.

• Example: One partner takes a Saturday morning yoga class for personal well-being, while the other enjoys a solo run. Later, they reconnect over breakfast, both feeling refreshed and more present for each other.

9. Build trust every single day

Trust doesn’t happen overnight—it’s built through consistency, honesty, and follow-through. Small actions like keeping promises or being on time reinforce reliability and safety in the relationship. Without trust, love feels unstable and fragile. With it, both partners can relax into vulnerability and openness.

• Example: When one partner says they’ll pick the other up from the airport and shows up early, it reinforces reliability and trust.

10. Communicate openly and kindly

Open communication means sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly, without fear of judgment. But it’s not just about talking—it’s also about listening with empathy and patience. Communication should create connection, not defensiveness. Kind words, even in hard conversations, can strengthen intimacy.

• Example: Instead of saying, “You never listen,” one partner gently says, “I feel unheard when I talk—can we slow down and try again?”

11. Celebrate each other’s successes

Being your partner’s cheerleader is one of the purest forms of love. Celebrating even small wins—like finishing a project or conquering a fear—shows you see and value them. These moments of recognition build pride and happiness in the bond. When your partner shines, your relationship shines too.

• Example: After a promotion at work, one partner brings home a cake that says, “I’m so proud of you!”

12. Share responsibilities fairly

A relationship is a partnership, and balance matters. Sharing chores, financial responsibilities, or emotional labor helps prevent resentment. When both partners contribute, neither feels overwhelmed or taken for granted. Fairness keeps love from turning into a burden.

• Example: One cooks dinner while the other does the dishes, keeping things equal and lighthearted.

13. Keep laughter alive

Laughter is a glue that helps couples get through hard times. Jokes, playfulness, and inside humor lighten heavy days. Humor reminds both partners that love is meant to be enjoyed, not just managed. When you laugh together, stress feels smaller and connection feels bigger.

• Example: In the middle of a stressful move, one partner puts on silly music and dances while unpacking boxes, making the other laugh out loud.

14. Respect each other’s boundaries

Boundaries create safety and honor individuality. Healthy relationships recognize that saying “no” doesn’t mean rejection—it means self-respect. Respecting personal space, time, or comfort levels keeps resentment away. Boundaries, when honored, make love stronger and healthier.

• Example: If one partner says they need a quiet evening alone, the other respects that request without guilt-tripping.

15. Show appreciation daily

Gratitude fuels closeness and warmth. A simple “thank you” for small efforts tells your partner they’re seen and valued. When appreciation becomes a habit, love feels fresh and intentional. The more you express it, the more love grows.

• Example: Saying, “Thanks for making dinner tonight, it really helped after my long day,” makes your partner feel cherished.

16. Support each other’s dreams

Encouraging your partner’s personal growth is an act of love. Whether it’s a new hobby, career goal, or personal challenge, support helps them feel believed in. This also builds mutual respect, as both partners root for each other’s success. Growth as individuals makes the relationship thrive together.

• Example: One partner attends the other’s art show opening and proudly introduces them to friends as “the talented artist of the night.”

17. Handle money as a team

Finances are one of the most common sources of conflict. Transparency, fairness, and teamwork in managing money reduce stress and resentment. Couples who plan, save, and spend with shared goals build security and trust. Money should be a tool for building, not breaking.

• Example: A couple creates a shared budget for bills and savings, while also keeping a little “fun money” for each person’s individual spending.

18. Practice forgiveness often

 No one gets it right every time. Forgiveness allows couples to move forward instead of staying stuck in mistakes. Holding grudges breeds bitterness, while letting go makes room for healing. Choosing forgiveness is choosing peace for both hearts.

• Example: After forgetting an anniversary dinner, one partner apologizes sincerely and the other lets go instead of bringing it up repeatedly in future arguments.

19. Keep curiosity alive

Even years into a relationship, there’s always more to learn about your partner. Asking questions, exploring new experiences together, and staying curious prevents stagnation. Curiosity keeps the spark alive because discovery never really ends. It makes your partner feel interesting and worth knowing deeply.

• Example: On a long drive, one partner asks, “What’s one childhood memory you’ve never told me?” sparking new connection.

20. Create rituals of connection

Daily or weekly rituals create consistency and comfort. It can be as simple as a morning coffee together, an evening walk, or a Sunday check-in. Rituals act as anchors, reminding you both to reconnect no matter how busy life gets. These small traditions grow into cherished memories.

• Example: Every night before bed, a couple shares one thing they’re grateful for about each other.

Watch this TED Talk by Esther Perel, relationship therapist, who shares insights on how desire and familiarity co-exist, and how couples can keep passion alive while growing together.

21. Never stop choosing each other

Love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a daily choice. Choosing your partner again and again, even during hard seasons, reinforces commitment. Relationships grow when both people keep showing up for each other. This mindset transforms love into something lasting and resilient.

• Example: During a disagreement, one partner gently says, “We’re on the same team—let’s figure this out together,” reaffirming their choice of love over conflict.

How these points build lasting love

Love that endures isn’t built on grand gestures alone—it grows through consistent care, patience, and everyday actions. The important things in a relationship—like trust, kindness, and communication—create a bond that weathers challenges and celebrates joys. 

When you ask yourself “what is most important thing in a relationship?” it often comes back to showing up for each other, again and again.

• Trust creates safety – When promises are kept and honesty is valued, both partners feel secure and free to be themselves.
• Communication clears the air – Honest conversations prevent misunderstandings and bring partners closer through shared understanding.
• Respect nurtures balance – Valuing each other’s differences allows love to grow without resentment or control.
• Affection keeps closeness alive – Small gestures like hugs, smiles, or kind words maintain warmth even in busy seasons.
• Commitment strengthens resilience – Choosing each other daily builds the foundation that keeps love strong through highs and lows.

FAQ

Relationships often raise common doubts and curiosities. These quick answers can help clear things up and provide clarity on what truly matters for lasting love.

• How do small gestures impact a relationship?

They show appreciation and thoughtfulness, reminding your partner they’re valued every day.

• Can arguments actually make a relationship stronger?

Yes, when handled fairly, disagreements improve understanding and build deeper trust.

• Why is self-love important in a relationship?

Because when you take care of yourself, you show up as a healthier, more present partner.

Lasting love

Relationships aren’t about perfection—they’re about patience, trust, and showing up for each other through both good days and hard ones. The small daily choices—listening, forgiving, laughing, supporting, and appreciating—are what turn love into something steady and enduring. 

By remembering the important things in a relationship, couples create a bond that feels safe, joyful, and resilient. Love lasts not because it never faces challenges, but because both partners keep choosing each other, again and again, with compassion and commitment.

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Questions: 20 | Last updated: Oct 15, 2025

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