Why Is Emotional Intimacy Important in a Marriage?

We’ve all seen it before – the couple whose love seems to ooze without effort, the couple whose connection is magnetic, the couple whose marriage is thriving as they get older, rather than growing stale.

How do they do it? How do they continue to defy the odds of interpersonal relationships and stay in love?

They do it through the practice of emotional intimacy!

Their ability to stay close and connected isn’t pure luck; it’s through hard work and a growth mindset that they remain tight as the couples around them fall apart.

When a couple is physically intimate, they use the power of touch to stay close, whether it’s making love or cuddling up on the couch. When a couple is emotionally intimate, they use their emotions to remain close to one another.

They profess their deep love for their partner. They remain open and vulnerable in their adoration. They trust and respect the person across from them because of their open and honest way of interacting.

Physical intimacy is the connection of the body. And, what is emotional intimacy in marriage?

Emotional intimacy is the connection of the soul.

If you’re with your soulmate, chances are that you will have an emotional attachment with them on a consistent basis. After all, intimacy and marriage are inseparable.

Why is emotional intimacy important?

“I don’t feel as connected to you anymore.”

“I feel like I don’t know you.”

“You’re not the same person I married.”

All of these statements stem from a lack of emotional intimacy.

Being emotionally intimate with your partner is all about sharing a close emotional connection with them. It’s an intentional practice of being open, honest, loving, and compassionate in your communication with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife.

Without emotional closeness, you are bound to experience the disconnect that these common quotations describe.

When you feel like you don’t know your partner after being married to them for years, it’s because you haven’t taken the time to continue getting to know them.

The reality of life is that people will change as will the circumstances around them. Your husband or wife is no different; they don’t get to remain as they are while the world changes around them.

If you’re not staying in tune with them, checking in on their emotional needs, you will inevitably feel distant from them. And, this lack of emotional intimacy in marriage will be caused by your actions.

How can you create emotional intimacy in your marriage?

The success of restoring intimacy in marriage will rely heavily on one very important, yet difficult thing to commit.

And, that is vulnerability!

Being vulnerable and open to your partner is the only way to truly share and connect with each other’s emotions. If you have a guard up in any way, you’re closing off your partner from that part of your life.

Emotional connection requires vulnerability, and from both parties.

The best way to create an environment of vulnerability is to lead by example. You can’t tell your husband to open up to you if there are parts of your life that you still refuse to talk about.

You can’t tell your wife to let you into her world if you still have skeletons in your closet that you’re afraid to talk about. Once your partner sees you take the first step and put your emotions on the line, they are more likely to do the same.

Not only that, but there’s also a good chance that they will meet your vulnerability with compassion, deepening your connection with each other.

What if your partner won’t budge?

At the end of the day, no marriage, and no person is perfect. We all have our flaws that need fixing, so don’t call a divorce lawyer just because you feel trapped in a sexless marriage or other emotional intimacy issues.

An emotional connection is important. But, no emotional intimacy in marriage can’t be the reason to risk the essence of an otherwise decent relationship.

So, the first step is to continue to meet the stubbornness of your partner with compassion. Perhaps, you may slowly open up the closed doors of your marriage without emotional intimacy.

If there is a specific issue that you feel is important to connect with your partner on, it might be best to recruit the services of a marriage counselor to mediate the situation.

No matter how much love and compassion you have in your heart, there are some things best left to the professionals. This will provide an objective facilitator to help shine a light on the issues at hand. It will be easier for your partner to hear it from their mouth instead of yours.

Also, watch the video given below which talks about the top six reasons why a marriage could be falling apart. This video could help you to identify the glitches in your marriage and take the necessary action.

Make your spouse your soulmate

Every couple’s level of emotional distance in marriage will vary, and in each specific case, there will be an ebb and flow to those levels.

Emotional connection is the glaring difference between growing old with a friend and growing old with a soulmate. That deep emotional connection in marriage is what keeps older couples attached at the hip well after their hair turns gray.

What’s also worth noting is that emotional bonding is not innate talent or gift; it’s something that you and your partner can consciously work towards.

By being intentional about your openness to each other, your honesty with each other, and your love for each other, you will become more intimate by the day. Just like anything else, though, if you don’t use it, you lose it.

Don’t be like so many married couples who are left saying, “What happened to us!” Put the effort in now to strengthen your emotional intimacy and watch your marriage grow it’s strength tenfold.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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