11 Key Things to Expect at Your First Couples Therapy Session

Assume you and your partner have been struggling to communicate lately, and every conversation seems to end in frustration. You’ve both decided it’s time to seek help, but the idea of walking into your first couples therapy session feels overwhelming. 

What will it be like? Will it really help?

Couples therapy isn’t always a last resort for relationships in trouble; it’s a proactive step toward building a more connected partnership. 

Your first session is often an opportunity to lay the groundwork for positive change. It’s about creating a safe space where both of you can express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment, and begin to understand each other on a deeper level.

Knowing what to expect from couples therapy can ease your mind and help you make the most of this experience. So, let’s explore what happens in that first session and how it can be a turning point for your relationship.

What is couples therapy? 

Couples therapy is a form of counseling that helps partners navigate the complexities of their relationship. 

What it means

It’s like having a roadmap when you’re lost—guiding you through the tough terrain of communication issues, conflicts, and emotional disconnects. A couple therapist acts as a neutral party, helping you both understand each other’s perspectives and find common ground.

What it does

The utility of couples therapy goes beyond just resolving arguments; it’s about strengthening the foundation of your relationship. 

Whether you’re dealing with specific challenges like infidelity or just want to improve your communication, couples therapy provides the tools and techniques to build a healthier, more connected partnership. 

It’s not just for relationships in crisis—many couples find that even a single session can bring clarity and renewed energy to their relationship.

What are the options

There are various types of couples therapy, from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), each tailored to different needs and situations. 

Your first session of couples therapy typically involves discussing your goals and concerns, and your couple therapist will guide you in choosing the right approach. 

The first couples therapy session is all about laying the groundwork for a journey of growth and understanding, setting you on a path to a more fulfilling relationship.

Does couples therapy work?

Couples therapy can be a game-changer, but does it really work? 

The answer largely depends on the situation. In many cases, especially when both partners are committed to improving their relationship, therapy can lead to significant breakthroughs. It’s great for addressing communication issues, rebuilding trust, and exploring things to work on in couples therapy.

However, more complex situations—like deep-seated resentment or when one partner isn’t fully invested—might require more time and effort to come to an acceptable solution. 

The first couples therapy session is often just the beginning, and success depends on the willingness to work through challenges together. 

For more details, check out our in-depth article.

11 key things to expect at your first couples counseling session

Walking into your first couples therapy session, you might think you know what to expect—but there are a few surprises that can catch you off guard. 

The first session isn’t limited to sitting down and talking. It can be a more nuanced experience that can reveal unexpected truths about your relationship and yourselves. 

Here are 11 things you can expect about your first couples therapy session and how to handle them.

1. The therapist might take sides—temporarily

You might be surprised if the therapist seems to align more with one partner’s perspective. This isn’t about playing favorites but about balancing the conversation and understanding the dynamics. It’s normal to feel a bit uneasy, but trust that the therapist is working toward fairness and clarity for both of you.
How it unfolds: The therapist may focus on one partner to draw out their perspective fully before turning to the other, ensuring both voices are heard and understood.

2. Silence will be used as a tool

Unexpectedly, there may be moments of silence, and they’re intentional. These pauses allow you both to reflect on what’s been said and process your emotions. While it might feel awkward at first, these quiet moments are essential for deeper understanding and personal insight.

How it unfolds: The therapist might allow a conversation to settle before moving forward, giving you space to think and feel without rushing to fill the silence.

3. Your relationship’s history will be more revealing than you think

You might assume that recounting your relationship’s history is just a formality, but it can actually bring up significant emotions and insights. The way you both remember key events can highlight underlying issues or strengths you hadn’t fully recognized.

How it unfolds: As you share your story, the therapist will ask probing questions that bring out emotions and perspectives you might not have expected, offering deeper insights into your relationship.

4. You’ll realize how differently you see the same issues

You may think you and your partner are on the same page, but the first session often reveals that you see your issues in very different ways. This realization can be surprising, but it’s also a crucial step in understanding each other better.

How it unfolds: The therapist may ask each of you to describe the same event or issue, highlighting differences in perception that need to be addressed.

5. You’ll be asked to articulate feelings you’ve never fully expressed

One of the unexpected challenges of the first session is being asked to put into words feelings you might have never fully expressed before. This can be difficult, but it’s also incredibly liberating and essential for healing.

How it unfolds: The therapist might guide you through exercises or questions that push you to explore and express your emotions more deeply than you have in the past.

6. You might discover that your goals for therapy don’t align

It can be surprising to find out that you and your partner have different goals for therapy. While this might seem like a setback, it’s actually an opportunity to negotiate and find common ground, which is a vital part of the therapeutic process.

How it unfolds: The therapist will help you both articulate your goals and work towards aligning them, ensuring that the therapy sessions meet both of your needs.

7. You’ll learn that effective communication is harder than it looks

You might enter therapy thinking you communicate well, only to find out that there’s much more to it. The first session often highlights the gaps in how you express yourselves and listen to each other, which can be a humbling but necessary revelation.

How it unfolds: The therapist may introduce basic communication techniques that seem simple but reveal deeper issues in how you interact.

8. Emotional outbursts are not just tolerated—they’re part of the process

You might expect therapy to be a calm, rational discussion, but emotions often run high, and that’s okay. Emotional outbursts aren’t just tolerated; they’re an important part of the process. These moments can lead to breakthroughs if handled with care and understanding.

How it unfolds: If emotions flare, the therapist will help you navigate them, using the outburst as a way to uncover deeper issues and facilitate healing.

9. The therapist might give homework

You might not expect to leave your first session with homework, but many therapists assign tasks or exercises to practice at home. This could be anything from a communication exercise to a journaling activity. While it might seem like extra work, it’s designed to keep the progress going between sessions.

How it unfolds: The therapist might give you both a small task to complete before your next session, aimed at reinforcing what you’ve learned and applying it in real life.

10. You’ll start developing a treatment plan right away

While you might think that a treatment plan is something that comes later, many therapists begin outlining it during the first session. This plan will guide your future sessions and help keep you focused on your goals.

How it unfolds: The therapist will discuss possible steps and strategies with you, creating a couples counseling treatment plan that’s tailored to your specific needs.

11. You may leave feeling a mix of emotions—both hopeful and unsettled

Finally, one of the most surprising aspects of the first session is how you feel afterward. You might expect to leave with a sense of clarity, but it’s also common to feel a mix of emotions—hopeful about the future, but also unsettled by the truths that were uncovered. 

This is all part of the journey, and it’s important to embrace these feelings as you move forward.

How it unfolds: The therapist may take a few minutes at the end to help you process what’s been discussed and set the tone for your next steps, ensuring you leave with a sense of direction.

Watch therapist Dr. Chris Donaghue work through the issues of a stressed couple in this video:

Making the best of it

Your first couples therapy session is full of possibilities—some uplifting, some challenging, and all valuable for the growth of your relationship. 

By knowing what to expect, including the unexpected, you can enter the session with an open mind, ready to embrace the journey ahead. Whether it’s a positive realization or a surprising challenge, each aspect of the session is designed to help you build a stronger, more connected partnership.