All relationships have ups and downs, and yes, some downs are as extreme as separation. Nevertheless, not all conflicts end in divorce, and there is always hope until the dotted line is signed. Even as you consider divorce, you might be seeing positive signs during separation.
Reconciling after separation
Signs of reconciliation after separation are usually visible relatively soon. In fact, according to this couples therapy article, you generally have a window of a year or two. After this, the positive signs during separation virtually disappear.
Reconciliation in relationships is possible, but it does mean changing something. You can’t just expect the positive signs during separation to just appear. So, perhaps you can talk about how to attack a specific problem?
Even without a specific problem, you might need to remind yourselves why you chose each other as partners. So, signs my husband wants to reconcile are subtle but involve asking about how I feel and what I want.
You might then expect some common ground to start forming again. On the other side, signs your wife wants to reconcile are that she seems more open and willing to listen. She becomes curious about your anxieties and frustrations.
Can you win your marriage back after separation?
Separation and reconciliation are possible when people open up to each other. When we’re in arguments, we tend to shut down and only focus on ourselves while blaming the other person. Instead, you’ll often hear people saying, “signs my separated husband wants to reconcile is that he’s listening.”
If you want to get back together, take the steps to marriage separation reconciliation by first healing yourself with a therapist. They’ll help you work through letting go of your pain and working through what you need to heal.
Reconciliation in relationships is possible because you’ll be better able to manage your emotions. At the same time, you’ll be more open to understanding your partner’s viewpoint without feeling the need to defend yourself.
With understanding and compassion, you can generate the positive signs you need for full reconciliation during separation.
How to save marriage during separation means learning about yourself first and your role in the relationship. Yes, you can recall the good times you spent together, but sometimes we need something more concrete.
You’ll sometimes hear people say, “signs my separated wife wants to reconcile is that she went to a therapist”. From there, the couple could take the steps to marriage separation reconciliation together. They communicated, shared their feelings, and redefined their shared goals.
21 signs of possible marriage reunion
No one wants to get divorced and people often prefer to get back together after separation. Ultimately, divorce has a huge impact on our mental health, as explained in this article on the psychology of divorce.
Of course, not everyone can get over their issues. Still, you might be one of those couples witnessing some of the following signs of reconciliation after separation:
1. You share feelings
If you’re potentially reconciling after separation, you might have already noticed you’re both still communicating. Even better is sharing your feelings and talking about your emotions.
Of course, no one wants the anxiety or depression that often follows divorce. Then again, you also don’t want to ignore the issues and negative emotions that drove you to separation.
Instead, saving a marriage during separation means openly talking about the issues and not being afraid to share how they make you feel. Being vulnerable together will connect more deeply again.
Sharing old stories and jokes is one of the positive signs during separation that your partner wants to reconcile. There’s always hope for marriage after separation, no matter how small, but even more so if there’s still humor and shared experiences being talked about.
3. You have forgiven
We all make mistakes, and everyone plays a part in a breakup. During separation, the positive signs are when you see your partner willing to accept responsibility and forgive both of you.
Of course, sometimes you’re dealing with something more extreme such as infidelity. Nevertheless, some people can learn to forgive depending on the circumstances. Only then can there be chances of reconciliation after separation.
4. Personal healing
Many of us go into relationships to fill a gap in our emotional needs. Of course, we all have needs, but you’ll drive partners away if you overly depend on them to fill them all your needs.
For example, someone who’s anxiously attached never got the nurture they needed when they were growing up. As described in this article on anxious attachment, they then carry this into adulthood and can come across as needy, controlling, and demanding.
Separation and reconciliation are possible if there is something concrete that can be fixed. Positive signs during separation can involve your partner seeking compromise. If they’re trying to problem-solve with you, you could potentially be reconciling after separation.
Positive communication in a relationship needs acceptance that we’re all human and make mistakes. Sometimes we simply need to let each other be who we are and appreciate the struggles we all make to do the best we can.
So, instead of blaming each other, you sympathize with each other’s struggles in life. Those are some of the positive signs during separation to look out for.
The other side of acceptance when a wife wants to come back after separation, for example, is responsibility. Everyone plays a part in relationship dynamics, and no one can completely blame. If you understand this, you might start witnessing more positive signs during separation.
8. You use non-violent communication tools
Communication in a relationship isn’t always easy because we don’t necessarily know how to talk about our feelings and emotions. That’s why the non-violent communication (NVC) framework is often used by couples who want to get back together after separation.
This video gives you more details for how to apply in practice:
9. Curious about each other
Dr. Gottman, relationship expert and psychologist, writes about creating love maps to build strong relationships. This is all about who we are, including our hopes, fears, dreams and anything else that impacts our habits and preferences.
So, if your wife wants to come back after separation, you’ll notice she’s curious about what’s going on with you. She’ll ask you questions about your emotions and your strategies for moving forwards.
She might even bring up the goals you previously defined together. These are all positive signs during separation for you to build on.
10. You discuss needs
Marriage reconciliation after divorce is more possible if you’re talking about what you both expect from the relationship. Perhaps you first got together very young and never talked about these things.
Now, when you see the positive signs during separation, you have the chance to start again properly. Share what you need from each other and discuss how to support each other while also being true to your independence.
One of the sure signs your husband wants to come back after separation is when you’re still his confidante. We sometimes take for granted how much we support each other, and there’s a big hole when that’s gone. If your husband is still trying to continue that connection, there is hope for marriage after separation.
Signs he wants to get back together usually show how much he cares deep down. Even when fighting with someone, we can still care about them. So, listen for those comments that he’s still looking out for you.
13. Checks in on you
Signs your wife wants to reconcile is when she asks your friends about you. Separation can make us feel awkward, so she might not want to text or message too often. She still cares, though, and gets updates about you through your friends and family.
14. Discuss goals
Marriage reconciliation after divorce is possible when you start seeing positive signs during separation. You might even be talking about your future goals again. This is a clear sign that you’re starting to forgive each other for the past and that you’re focusing on the shared meaning of your relationship.
15. Developed understanding
How to reconcile after separation starts with appreciating each other’s viewpoints. The more you notice those positive signs during separation that your partner considers your feelings, the more likely you can get back together.
16. There is attraction
Let’s not forget flirting and desire as positive signs during separation. You’d be amazed at how separation can help you miss your physical intimacy. As this counselor relates in her article on restoring emotional intimacy, you need that closeness to connect and see beyond life’s daily struggles.
Signs my separated husband wants to reconcile are when he still trusts me. Not only am I his confidante, but I’m still the first person he trusts to look after his dog or the kids.
On the flip side, divorced couples sometimes want nothing to do with each other. In those cases, they only do the bare minimum required by the courts.
18. You discuss boundaries
Signs he wants to get back together is when he’s suggesting tactics for getting the right boundaries in place. These could be for how to manage both your parents and your needs.
After all, perhaps you were suffocating each other and needed your alone time? Alternatively, you should take the time to reconnect with your friends and hobbies. Either way, the positive signs during separation include opening up to possible ways of partnering together more effectively.
Signs my separated wife wants to reconcile are when she tells me she’s grateful to have me as a husband. These positive signs during separation could be expressed through words or small gifts. Either way, your partner is thinking about you and isn’t ready for divorce.
20. Finds ways to meet
Other sure signs are when they use any excuse to be with you at the same event or get-together. They’ll then use those moments to recall the good times you spent together. There’s no better way to remember why you got together in the first place than by reliving fond moments
21. Looking ahead
Other signs my husband wants to reconcile are when he proposes a new game plan for our relationship. He’ll propose ways to reduce time with our prying relatives while prioritizing our time together. Essentially, he’s moved on from rehashing the past and is looking to rebuild the future.
What does reconciliation data say?
Sadly, reconciliation after separation statistics shows only 13% of couples in the US reunite, according to DivorceStatistics. The reason the chances of reconciliation after separation are so small is that it takes a lot of effort to work through the issues.
Reconciling after separation is still possible. When the husband wants to come back after separation, as well as the wife, they can go to individual and couples therapy. They’ll work on their obstacles while learning about their partner’s suffering and issues.
The question is how to decide whether to keep working on your marriage and cultivate the positive signs during separation. This is a very personal decision and comes down to whether you have the same fundamental values and approach to life.
The reconciliation after separation statistics aren’t necessarily motivating, with only 13% reuniting. Nevertheless, you don’t have to be a statistic, and it’s in your power to generate positive signs during separation should you want to.
How to reconcile after separation usually starts with therapy to discover what you want and need from a relationship. You’ll also learn some new habits and behaviors to help you generate positive signs during separation.
You can then focus on a more open style of communication, a deeper sharing of feelings, and greater acceptance along with responsibility. Many more signs will continue to support you getting back together again.
Essentially, you’re falling in love once more, after which you’ll be that much stronger as a couple. No conflict will ever be able to tear you apart again.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.