Is marriage reconciliation possible after separation? Absolutely. It’s true that for many couples it isn’t the right outcome and divorce is the better, though difficult, option. However, s Sometimes a little time apart gives both parties the perspective and insight they need to give their marriage another chance.
If you’re considering reconciling with your spouse after a period of separation, here are some things to think about.
You’ll both need to be committed
Marriage reconciliation can only work if you are both 100% committed to it. Getting back together after a period of separation isn’t like the movies – you won’t run into each other’s arms at sunset and live happily ever after. A long term happy marriage is possible after a separation, but only if both parties are committed to working on it together.
Have a heart to heart with your partner about what they really want from your marriage. If you both want the same things and vow to work towards them together, your reconciliation has a much better chance of working.
Focus on communication
Communication is key to any good marriage. Chances are that a lack of healthy communication contributed to at least some of your marriage problems. Make a pact to communicate with each other in a healthier way going forward.
Good communication is a skill that can be learnt like any other. Learn to listen without judgment and consider carefully before responding. Talk honestly about your own feelings rather than attacking your partner.
Teamwork is a must
Separation is a stressful time, but if you are serious about reconciling you need to remember that your partner is not your enemy. You’re in this together.
An attitude of teamwork makes difficult conversations easier. Instead of being on opposite sides, you become team mates, both looking for a solution that works for both of you.
Be honest about what went wrong
Real honesty about what went wrong is key to making sure this time, things go right. Sit down with each other and take turns to talk honestly about what went wrong, and what you need to be different if your marriage is to work out this time.
Be kind to each other during this process. Arguments won’t help you resolve the issues or move forward. Instead, focus on agreeing together on what needs to happen differently. this time around.
Make time for fun
Working on marriage reconciliation can feel like just that – work. Of course there will be hard days and difficult conversations, but the aim is to build a happy marriage together, and that takes a little fun.
Make regular time to do things you enjoy together. Take up a shared hobby, or have a monthly date night. Get into a weekly routine of visiting your favorite coffee shop, or arrange a mini break together. Give yourselves some fun time to remember what you love about each other and enjoy one another’s company.
Is your partner clearly trying to make changes? Perhaps they’ve been making an effort to be more considerate, or make things easier for you. Whenever you notice their efforts, no matter how small, acknowledge that.
Being validated builds confidence and fosters a sense of hope that things are changing for the better. Let your partner know you appreciate everything they’re doing to heal your marriage.
Learn to let go
You’re going to be talking about some difficult things. That’s a necessary part of reconciling a marriage. But you need to learn when to let go, too. Talk about what went wrong as much as you need to in order to move forward, but don’t hold on to the past. Holding a grudge won’t foster the kind of trust and openness your marriage needs to heal.
Aim for a clean slate, where you both put the past down and let it stay down. You can’t build your marriage anew if either of you is hanging on to the past.
Be careful who you tell
Everyone you tell about your reconciliation will have an opinion about it. It’s only natural for people to take sides during a separation – it’s human nature. Your support network has most likely heard the worst things about your partner, so it’s understandable that they might not show a lot of enthusiasm for you getting back together.
Deciding who to tell and when is something you and your partner need to figure out together. Be sure that your reconciliation is working out before you involve anyone else and above all remember, you have to do what’s right for you both, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Give each other time
Marriage reconciliation isn’t a quick process. You both have a lot to work through, and learning to be together again after being apart isn’t always easy. Reconciliation can involve a lot of changes, and navigating them can be painful and vulnerable.
Give each other time to adjust. There isn’t a time limit on your reconciliation – it will take as long as it needs to take. Go slowly, and be gentle with yourselves and each other.
Separation doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage. With care and commitment, you can work together to build a stronger and more nurturing relationship for the future.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.