8 Tips to Enjoy Your Lesbian Marriage

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Rachael Pace, Author

Rachael Pace

Expertise: Mental health, Parenting

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

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Updated: 20 Mar, 2026

Table of Contents

Preparation and commitment before the wedding set the stage for a lasting, loving partnership, so take time to understand each other deeply and seek pre-marriage counseling.
Mutual care and shared identity require nurturing affection, carving out individual passions, and keeping tasks balanced so neither partner feels taken for granted.
Keep intimacy alive with regular touch, honest check-ins, and healthy time apart that deepens trust and re-energizes your connection.

Same-sex couples have finally earned the right to marry and the majority of Americans support the idea of lesbian marriage or same-sex marriage.

Eager to have their relationship formalized and viewed as just as legitimate as heterosexual couples, many gay couples have headed down to city hall or their place of worship to commit to each other in front of friends and family.

But what about the “happily ever after”?

How can lesbian couples make sure that they continue to love, honor, respect, and—just as important—enjoy their marriage, long after the rice has been thrown and the honeymoon is over?

Here’s some useful lesbian marriage advice. Use these lesbian relationship tips to understand how lesbian marriage works and keep the spark in your lesbian marriage alive.

1. Know that a happy marriage starts before the actual wedding

A happy marriage starts before the actual wedding

Do lesbian marriages last?

Yes, lesbian marriages do last and happy lesbian marriage is not a myth.

Lesbian marriages can last for a lifetime if you work on your relationship with all your heart. Before you say “I do” you want to be certain that this woman is the one.

Research on lesbian couples has shown that lesbians are quick to commit and more impulsive than heterosexual couples, where the male can often put the brakes on committing too soon to a live-in arrangement.

It is a fact that lesbian marriages are 50% more likely to end in divorce than heterosexual marriages. So, it is normal for you to wonder about how to make a lesbian marriage work.

For a successful lesbian marriage, do some deep thinking before tying the knot, so that you won’t need to untie the same knot years down the line because you jumped in too quickly.

It is always beneficial to do some pre-marriage counseling to gauge you and your girlfriend’s compatibility, values, and a likelihood of a successful marriage.

2. Choose well, and work hard

This is one of the primary lesbian advice on relationships, that you need to remember before plunging in any commitment.

To enjoy your marriage, choose your partner well. Once you know that this woman is the woman you truly wish to spend the rest of your life with, work hard to keep it that way.

Pay attention to your spouse, but also to yourself. Carve out your own identity, interests, and passions, if you are looking forward to long-term lesbian relationships.

You don’t want to become bored or have nothing to talk about when you are sitting across from each other at the dinner table.

Work hard to preserve the loving base of your marriage: show displays of affection, both small—a little love note left on the counter for your spouse to find after you’ve gone off to work—to large—a surprise impromptu weekend trip to your favorite romantic hideaway.

What you want to avoid is taking each other for granted. That is a sure way to drain the enjoyment out of a relationship.

3. Stay healthy for each other

Healthy people are in a position to enjoy their marriage now and in the future. On the physical level, this means eating healthy to boost your immune system and ward off illness.

Getting daily exercise so you increase your “good mood” hormones is important as well. On the spiritual level, practicing mindfulness, either through a formal religion, or some type of meditation will help keep you balanced.

Maintaining a healthy body and mind contribute to overall mental well-being, which in turn, contributes to a higher level of enjoyment in your marriage.

Stay healthy for each other

4. Decide who does what to keep the household going

In lesbian marriages, gender roles are less-defined compared with heterosexual marriages.
Studies show that same-sex couples have more liberal attitudes toward gender roles as compared to heterosexual couples.

So it is only a matter of both of you communicating how you want to divide up the household management chores in the best way possible.

Is one of you better at DIY-tasks, such as unclogging a backed-up sink or hanging pictures? Is one of you better in the kitchen, enjoying menu planning and creating delicious meals?

To keep your marriage from going sour, you’ll want to strive to make sure the household tasks are distributed equally and that you are both contributing to the smooth running of your home life.

Resentment can grow if only one of you is doing all the shopping, cooking, cleaning AND home repairs. If you have the budget for it, consider paying outside services (a cleaning person, a handyperson) if neither of you is willing to take on certain tasks.

Outsourcing some of the more-unpleasant responsibilities of being married could save you a lot of grief.

5. Make efforts to prevent “the lesbian bed death”

two women getting intimate with each other

According to the American sexologist Pepper Schwartz teaching at the University of Washington, in a lesbian marriage, sex tends to take a back seat very soon in the relationship – sooner than in heterosexual and male gay couples. This phenomenon is known as lesbian bed death.

But sustaining a long-term romantic relationship without physical intimacy can be challenging. In lesbian marriage, sex is as important as it is in a gay marriage or a heterosexual marriage.

So, lesbian couples must make efforts consistently to keep their sex life interesting. This lesbian marriage advice is especially significant because lesbian bed death is one of the most common reasons why they split up sooner than gay and heterosexual couples.

So, the important lesbian sex advice is to experiment with sexual routine and try out new things to help retain the sexual drive for a longer period of time.

Remember the power of touch

In the early days of your dating, you probably touched each other often. But now that you are in an established marriage, you may forget how important skin-to-skin contact is.

Take your spouse’s hand when out and about; massage their shoulders while you are watching television. Physical contact has the ability to release the feel-good hormone known as oxytocin which helps you feel connected to each other.

Make sure to touch, even in a non-sexual way, at least once a day. It’s a lovely reminder of how much you adore each other. This is another key lesbian relationship advice to remember!

Check-in with each other often

Set aside time to do a “marriage health and welfare” check-in. This conversation can be weekly or monthly.

Start with a question such as “What can I do to make your life easier/more enjoyable?” This opens up the discussion in a positive way, showing that you want to hear how you can best support your spouse.

The goal of these check-ins is to prevent small conflicts from growing larger and perhaps becoming unmanageable.

It is also an excellent way to take the temperature of your marriage and make sure that both of you continue to reap the benefits of your union.

Don’t neglect the need to be alone from time to time

The adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is true for all relationships, hetero and homosexual. Being married does not mean being fused together all the time.

Build-in time away from each other into your schedules. It could be a weekend alone at a spa, or an evening with your parents, just on your own.

All long-term couples will tell you that it is important to spend time apart, if only for the sweet reunion that takes place once you return home.

These are some essential pieces of lesbian advice on relationships. The most important thing to remember in a lesbian marriage is to not take your partner for granted and keep loving each other with all your heart.

The takeaway

Every marriage requires work. However, you can and should always have fun with your partner. Isn’t that what life is about? Keep in mind the points mentioned above. Also remember that irrespective of the type of marriage, love, communication, respect, and care for each other will always be the foundation of the union.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less