Why It Hurts to Be Away From Your Partner: 18 Possible Reasons

In a world filled with constant connections and busy schedules, it is not uncommon for people to spend time apart from their partners.

Whether it is due to work commitments, family obligations, or even geographical distance, being away from your partner can often be a challenging experience that weighs heavily on your heart. The ache and longing that accompany this separation can sometimes leave you questioning why it hurts so much.

In this article, we delve into the depths of this emotional pain to explore possible reasons why it hurts to be away from your partner. 

By understanding the underlying factors that contribute to this anguish, we hope to offer a glimmer of solace and help you navigate through these moments with empathy and understanding.

So, let us embark on this journey together, delving into the complexities of human connection and the powerful emotions that arise during periods of separation from the ones we hold dear.

What is separation anxiety?

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I sleep when my partner is away?” or “Why do I get anxious when my partner leaves,” don’t worry. You’re not alone. It can be perfectly normal to miss someone you love. 

However, if your anxiety about your partner being away is getting in the way of your daily life, that’s a cause for concern. If you obsessively think about them all the time while neglecting your work, health, and obligations, you might have separation anxiety.

Getting treated by a psychiatrist can be one of the best ways to overcome this anxiety.

Why does it hurt to be away from the person you love: 19 understandable reasons

Feeling hurt or experiencing emotional distress when you’re away from your partner can be a complex and multifaceted emotional response. There are various reasons why this separation can cause pain or discomfort, and it may vary from person to person.

Here are some possible reasons why it hurts to be away from your partner:

1. It’s your hormones

When you’re away from your partner, these hormones are produced in lesser quantities. Hence, your body feels like it’s going through a withdrawal, similar to a drug withdrawal. Because of this, you might feel more lethargic and subdued, making you feel the physical symptoms of missing someone you love.

2. Anxiety can make you feel more stressed

Why do I get so sad when my boyfriend leaves? It could be a way your anxiety manifests.

If you’re generally anxious throughout your relationship, you might’ve grown to think of your partner as a comforting presence. 

But when they’re no longer by your side, your anxiety could flare up more frequently than usual, and you may think about your partner more. 

One of the possible reasons why it hurts to be away from your partner is because you no longer have that comforting presence to ease your anxiety. In situations like these, try to engage in more self-care activities than you usually would. 

Try to find other objects, animals, or people to be comforted by, and slowly, you may grow to be less dependent on your partner for mental well-being.

3. Social pain can manifest physically

You might have heard the term “heartache,” but did you know love can literally make your heart and body ache? When you experience any kind of social pain, including the pain of not being close to your partner, your brain thinks it’s experiencing physical pain.

Because both physical and emotional pain trigger the same regions of your brain, you might experience the feeling of heartache. So, if you ever wondered, “Why do I feel sad when I leave my boyfriend?” now you know you can blame your body-mind connection.

4. Your childhood attachment style matters

Do you relate with “I hate being away from my boyfriend” or “My boyfriend moved away, and I miss him a lot, but I feel angry and don’t know why”? 

As surprising as it may seem, your attachment style to your primary caregiver as a child can influence your attachment style to your partner as an adult. 

So, say your boyfriend moved away, and you miss him, but you also feel angry at him and refuse to talk to him; that could be how you responded to your parents whenever they left you for a short period of time.

The example above is just one type of attachment style called anxious-avoidant. There are two other attachment styles: secure attachment and anxious attachment. This concept explains why people experience different emotions and anxieties when away from their partner.

5. You feel a little lost when your partner is not around

One of the reasons why it hurts to be away from your partner is because sometimes they take your sense of self with them. 

With your partner not around to advise or do things with you, you can feel a little unsure about everything, making you feel anxious and sad, leading to thoughts like, “I feel sad when I’m not with my boyfriend.” 

The best way to get around this is to take baby steps. 

Try doing small things by yourself and slowly overcome your fear of doing things by yourself. Remind yourself that you’re fully capable of doing things on your own, and seek the help of a therapist or counselor if required. You may still miss your partner, but for all the right reasons.

6. Pushing them away only hurts you more

Being away from someone you love can be nerve-wracking. It’s only natural to feel sad when you’re not with your partner. But sometimes, these feelings can lead to anxiety, insecurity, and guilt for being angry at your partner.

These negative emotions can cause you to push your partner away, consciously or subconsciously. Pushing them away, however, only makes you miss them more, and you may end up hurting yourself in the process, which can make you push them away even more.

It can be hard to break away from this cycle.

7. You’re bringing your previous trauma into the equation

Do you wonder “Why do I get sad when my boyfriend leaves?” It could be related to a past experience.

One of the reasons people feel anxiety when away from their partner is that they tend to obsess over whether their partner is cheating on them or not. This could be because your past relationships ended poorly or your ex cheated.

It can be difficult not to project these insecurities onto your current partner but try to remember that these situations are completely different. Your current partner and your ex are completely different people, so don’t let your past baggage get in the way of your present.

You might also want to use the time to process that past baggage and finally free yourself of the anxiety that goes with it. Journaling is a great starting point, but sometimes, seeing the professionals also helps.

8. You’re not spending quality time when you are together

Is separation depression a thing? It’s a question worth considering, and it becomes even more pronounced when you feel disconnected from your partner, even during the time you spend together. This can be because you’re not connecting in meaningful ways when you are together.

A good way to improve the time you spend together is to engage meaningfully with each other. Avoid watching TV or being on your phones; instead, play board games, relax, and update each other on your life. This can ease your emotional stress a lot.

9. Your sudden life change might be making you extra stressed

If you’re suddenly missing your partner more than ever, think back to what changes in your life have occurred. Because of these changes, you might instinctively try to get more of your partner’s support than usual.

But because he’s not with you, you might get sudden bouts of insecurity where you question why it hurts to be away from your partner, especially when you haven’t felt this way for a long time. 

10. Codependency

There’s no way around it. You might be too dependent on your partner for your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. This might not be uncommon, but it can still lead to outbursts like “I hate being away from you!” or “You don’t care about me!”.

These accusatory remarks are nothing more than an expression of your codependency. This can be hurtful for both you and your partner. So, instead of giving in to arguing this way, try to reflect on your feelings rationally.

11. Your communication has become unreliable

One of the biggest reasons it hurts to be away from your partner is that you no longer communicate in the same way as you used to.

It can be hard to make your relationship work when you’re long-distance, but try experimenting with different ways of keeping in touch and finding out what works best for you and your partner.

12. Your mind is no longer stimulated

When you’re with your partner, your mind tends to be more stimulated and active because of the social interaction and feelings of happiness and contentment. However, the absence of your partner can have the opposite effect, which could be why you feel sad when you’re not with your boyfriend.

Taking the time to go out and interact with people and engage in social activities can be a great way to energize yourself and feel more alert and productive.

13. Physical touch is missing

Physical touch, such as hugs, kisses, and cuddling, releases oxytocin, a hormone often referred to as the “love hormone.” When you’re apart from your partner, the absence of physical touch can leave you longing for that intimacy, making you feel emotionally and physically distant.

14. Shared experiences

Being away from your partner means missing out on shared experiences and memories. These experiences can be a source of joy, laughter, and emotional connection. Without your partner, you might feel a sense of loss and a lack of new memories being created.

15. Routine disruption

Relationships often come with routines and habits that provide stability and comfort. When your partner is not around, this routine can be disrupted, leading to feelings of disorientation and unease.

It can be especially pronounced in long-term relationships, where you’ve grown accustomed to having your partner as a constant presence in your daily life, and their absence can leave a void that affects your overall sense of well-being.

16. Lack of emotional support

Your partner is usually a source of emotional support, and their absence can make you feel like you’re missing a vital support system. This can lead to increased stress and emotional distress. 

You may find navigating life’s ups and downs more challenging without their empathetic ear and comforting presence, leaving you feeling emotionally vulnerable and less resilient during challenging times.

Watch Esther Perel, a Belgian-American psychotherapist, as she explains the importance of giving your partner space in the relationship in this video:

17. Fear of losing connection

Being apart from your partner might trigger the fear of growing distant or losing the connection you share. This fear can intensify the pain of separation as you long for the emotional bond that brings you together. 

The anxiety about drifting apart can create a sense of urgency, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a strong and lasting connection, further heightening the emotional strain when you’re apart.

18. Time zone differences (if any)

Dealing with different time zones adds an extra layer of challenge to maintaining a close connection. Scheduling calls or finding time to connect becomes a logistical puzzle. 

The disparity in waking hours can lead to missed messages or limited real-time interactions, making it harder to share experiences and stay connected in a way that feels immediate and spontaneous. This time gap contributes to the sense of physical and emotional separation.

How to deal with being away from your partner

Being away from your partner can be a rough experience. While you could use many self-care and self-help strategies, like journaling, going on a vacation alone, or immersing in a hobby, a better way to overcome separation anxiety is to go to therapy.

Psychologists or therapists can help you understand the root cause of what’s bothering you. Based on this, they can guide you in a self-development plan so that you can feel less anxious or depressed when your partner is not around while also promoting healthy relationship behaviors.

You can also establish a daily or weekly routine, providing a sense of stability and purpose while you’re apart. Knowing when you’ll talk or have virtual dates can give you something to look forward to and maintain a sense of connection. 

It’s equally important to focus on individual growth and happiness during separation. Pursuing personal interests, hobbies, and goals can provide a strong sense of self, making you more resilient when you’re apart and enhancing your overall well-being.

Every relationship is unique, so finding the strategies that work best for you and your partner is essential. Combining these approaches can help you navigate the challenges of being apart and strengthen your bond.

FAQs

Maintaining a healthy, thriving relationship can sometimes involve navigating the challenges of being away from your partner. Whether it’s due to work commitments, long-distance situations, or other reasons, the experience of separation can be emotionally taxing.

In this context, let’s explore some common questions that people have about dealing with partner separation

• Why does being away from someone you love hurt?

Being apart hurts because love creates a deep emotional connection. Physical distance can’t replace the warmth and comfort of being together, leading to a sense of emptiness and emotional longing.

• Why does it hurt to leave someone you love?

Leaving someone you love hurts because it means leaving behind shared moments, emotional support, and the comfort of their presence. The pain stems from missing the unique bond you’ve built together.

• Why is it difficult to let go of someone you love?

Letting go is tough because love creates strong ties. The emotional investment, shared experiences, and dreams make it challenging to detach. The fear of losing that connection contributes to the difficulty of letting go.

• Why is it hard to be away from my partner?

Being away from your partner is tough because of the routine disruption and the absence of shared physical space. The emotional support, physical closeness, and the joy of shared moments become challenging, making the distance emotionally taxing.

Getting over the hurt

So now you know why it hurts to be away from your partner. But what happens when two people miss each other a lot? When two people miss each other a lot, it can physically and emotionally affect a person’s well-being.

Taking the time to connect with your partner meaningfully, engage with other friends and family, and focus on yourself through self-care strategies can reduce your emotional stress and anxiety about being away from your partner.

It’s essential to remember that by implementing these strategies and seeking professional help when needed, you can not only survive the challenges of separation but also emerge from them with a stronger and more resilient bond with your partner.