Have you ever thought why am I such a people pleaser? Why do people walk all over me? Why does my partner take advantage of me? Why am I in an unhealthy relationship?
First, how can you tell how someone treats you?
Well, you can tell how someone is treating you by how you feel. For example, when we are given flowers or a gift we start to feel happy, excited or overjoyed. Our body might feel tingly with excitement.
On the other hand, when we are in a relationship where someone is constantly putting us down we feel crummy, sad, hurt, or worthless. Our body might react by shaking, losing our appetite, or even feeling unwell. This is our bodies way of telling us something doesn’t feel right.
Self-respect is knowing who you are
So the first thing I would say to a client looking for the answer to the questions above is “do you respect and love yourself?” You see, self-respect is knowing who you are. So who are you?
Are you this fun, outgoing social person? Are you someone who is still trying to figure out their place in life? Once we know and feel confident in who we are we can start to figure out what we need in our relationships.
5 tips on how to teach your partner how you want to be treated
1. Love and respect yourself
Know who you are. Know the characteristic you love about yourself, know your flaws and love those too. The more you love yourself and treat yourself with respect others will follow.
2. Learn to say no
This is tricky. What I mean when I say learn to say no is sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we always say yes.
This can give people the impression that they can walk all over you. Sometimes saying no just means you are putting yourself first. Now, I don’t mean if a friend is in an emergency situation and calls you and you turn them down by saying no.
Simply, I am saying there will be times that you will need to put yourself first and say no. This will teach others that your time is valuable and in turn, they will respect it more.
3. Learn to not emotionally react
Self-respect is learning to communicate in a non-reactive and non-confrontational way.
I am a huge believer that we have the power just simply in how we respond to calm our partner and de-escalate a situation. The more composed and less reactive you are the more self-respect you build for yourself.
4. Setting boundaries
Once you learn who you are and what you want in the relationship you begin to set your standards.
These standards are the values, beliefs, and expectations you have for yourself in this relationship. These boundaries enforce those standards and self-respect. You teach people how to treat you with what you will put up with.
5. Have patience
Last, change doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and the process of self-love and respect. It will take time and the key is all within yourself.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
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More by Nahal Hydaryacil