5 Tips to Teach Your Partner How You Want to Be Treated

Have you ever thought why am I such a people pleaser? Why do people walk all over me? Why does my partner take advantage of me? Why am I in an unhealthy relationship?

First, how can you tell how someone treats you?  

Well, you can tell how someone is treating you by how you feel. For example, when we are given flowers or a gift we start to feel happy, excited or overjoyed.  Our body might feel tingly with excitement.

On the other hand, when we are in a relationship where someone is constantly putting us down we feel crummy, sad, hurt, or worthless.  Our body might react by shaking, losing our appetite, or even feeling unwell. This is our bodies way of telling us something doesn’t feel right.

Self-respect is knowing who you are

So the first thing I would say to a client looking for the answer to the questions above is “do you respect and love yourself?”  You see, self-respect is knowing who you are. So who are you?

Are you this fun, outgoing social person?  Are you someone who is still trying to figure out their place in life?  Once we know and feel confident in who we are we can start to figure out what we need in our relationships.  

5 tips on how to teach your partner how you want to be treated

1. Love and respect yourself

Know who you are.  Know the characteristic you love about yourself, know your flaws and love those too.  The more you love yourself and treat yourself with respect others will follow.

2. Learn to say no

This is tricky.  What I mean when I say learn to say no is sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we always say yes.  

This can give people the impression that they can walk all over you.  Sometimes saying no just means you are putting yourself first. Now, I don’t mean if a friend is in an emergency situation and calls you and you turn them down by saying no.  

Simply, I am saying there will be times that you will need to put yourself first and say no. This will teach others that your time is valuable and in turn, they will respect it more.

3. Learn to not emotionally react

Self-respect is learning to communicate in a non-reactive and non-confrontational way.  

I am a huge believer that we have the power just simply in how we respond to calm our partner and de-escalate a situation.  The more composed and less reactive you are the more self-respect you build for yourself.

4. Setting boundaries

Once you learn who you are and what you want in the relationship you begin to set your standards.  

These standards are the values, beliefs, and expectations you have for yourself in this relationship.  These boundaries enforce those standards and self-respect. You teach people how to treat you with what you will put up with.

5. Have patience

Last, change doesn’t happen overnight.  Be patient with yourself and the process of self-love and respect.  It will take time and the key is all within yourself.

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Dr. Nahal Hydaryacil Marriage & Family Therapist   | Practice License Verified

Hello, I am Dr. Nahal Nichole Hydaryacil. I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (License #LMFT108460) who practices psychotherapy in Irvine, California. I hold a Doctorate Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and also have earned a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology.  I have... Read more had many years of experience working in school settings with children, an outpatient facility center focusing on substance abuse recovery, and as a domestic violence counselor. I have experience working with individuals, families, couples, and group therapies. I have tackled an array of different presenting problems from depression, anxiety to mood and personality disorders.  I believe every person is resilient and capable of reaching his or her life goals.  Sometimes we simply are not aware of our capabilities, and that is when and where therapy can help foster personal growth.  As a therapist, I am here to facilitate your process of healing and transformation, as your committed listener, your mirror and partner in the process. Read less

(Nahal Hydaryacil is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Irvine)