It can be confusing when you start noticing the signs of dishonesty in a relationship. It leaves you questioning many of the things you know about your partner. Has everything been a lie? Do they love me at all?
Dishonesty in a relationship is one of the causes of breakups among couples. It’s heart-wrenching when you discover that your better half is a dishonest person. It’s more difficult to accept if you have been dating for a long time.
Research conducted by Penn State University shows that most people expect honesty from their relationships.
Even if you want to leave the relationship, you want to be sure what you see are indeed signs of deception in a relationship. Besides, there are different types of dishonesty. For example, people sometimes tell white lies to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings.
Nonetheless, identifying the characteristics of dishonestyand differentiating types of honesty can decide the future of your love life. Importantly you should know the telltale signs of dishonesty in love to avoid unnecessary assumptions or creating more significant conflicts in your relationship.
Thankfully, this article highlights the signs of deception in a relationship and how to deal with them. But before that, it’s vital to know the meaning of dishonesty.
What is dishonesty in a relationship?
Dishonesty in a relationship occurs when one partner lies to another. It usually starts from little lies that people think are harmless to something bigger. While you can’t tell your partner everything about you and your affairs, there are vital details you shouldn’t leave out.
Most of the healthy relationships you see out there are built on honesty. The danger of dishonesty in a relationship is that it will be challenging to build trust and loyalty between partners.
When a partner is dishonest, they don’t value the relationship and are unwilling to be responsible.
The inability to admit issues in the relationship makes partners emotionally dishonest. Coping with dishonesty in a relationship doesn’t always last long. That’s because a dishonest person is untrustworthy and shady.
It’s only a matter of time before spouses go their separate ways. Nevertheless, you need to understand that there are different types of dishonesty and the ones that are harmful to a typical partnership are:
Lying about your past relationships
Hiding your past relationship
Lying about the money you make
Flirting with other people
Seeing your ex and lying about it
How does dishonesty affect a relationship
The effect of dishonesty in a relationship is enormous. It affects both the deceptive person and their partner. While one person is trying to create a stronger bond and build a good partnership, the other is working to crumble it with lies and nefarious activities.
A dishonest person is unworthy of belief and trust. It’s hard to believe anything they say once you suspect they lie. Before you know it, you begin to hide your feelings from them, making you emotionally dishonest. Therefore, a dishonest partner doesn’t just affect the relationship but also their partner and others.
Other effects of dishonesty in a relationship are as follows:
No trust: The more lies your partner tells you, the harder to believe their words.
Low intimacy: intimacy in a relationship requires partners to be vulnerable. Without trust, this is unacceptable.
More lies: When a dishonest person tells one lie, they need to create more lies to cover it up. So, the cycle of lies never stops.
How can you identify a dishonest partner
Naturally, a dishonest person is disposed to lying, cheating, or stealing. Again, we may have all been dishonest before, primarily to protect our loved ones. However, the danger of dishonesty in a relationship is that it graduates to other problems, like cheating and flirting.
It would be best if you were calm and watchful to identify a dishonest person or partner. Of course, you must have noticed a few signs of dishonesty in a relationship to be suspicious. But you still can’t decide until you are completely sure they are dishonest.
Generally, a dishonest lover will lie about the people they see, places they go, and their activities. For example, a dishonest partner will tell you he was late for work when he was busy with another thing. Also, they may lie about their friends to hide some truths.
15 signs of dishonesty in a relationship
No matter what you may have noticed, the following signs of dishonesty in a relationship will guide you to make an important decision about your love life.
1. Making calls outside
One of the top signs of dishonesty in a relationship is the inability to make calls when your partner is around. Without saying much, you already show you have something to hide. Unless you work for a secret government or private organization, no call should be too private for your better half.
2. Lying about your calls
Even if you receive the call in your partner’s presence, lying about the purpose of the call or the caller is one of the signs of deception in a relationship. Dismissing a call as unimportant to avoid talking about it is dishonesty.
3. They don’t disclose their whereabouts
You may not follow your partner everywhere, but intimate couples often know the whereabouts of each other. If your partner doesn’t tell you where they are going or coming from, it either shows they don’t trust you or are dishonest.
4. Avoiding eye contact
One of the characteristics of dishonesty you should know is avoiding eye contact. Of course, we all do that in conversations from time to time. But if you notice your partner avoids looking at you whenever they talk about some topics, they are hiding something.
To learn more about how to read eyes and eye contact, watch this video:
5. They don’t go into details
One of the characteristics of a strong couple is that they have thoughtful and healthy communication. It increases the bond between partners and strengthens their relationship.
If you ask your partner how they spent their day or about a particular experience, and they are reluctant to tell you, they are being dishonest.
6. They give excuses a lot
Another characteristic of dishonesty is giving excuses. Your partner is just so good that they have an explanation for the why what, and when. Also, they are never at fault, so you see them shifting the blame to anyone else and any other thing.
7. They don’t take responsibility
One of the fundamentals of a successful and healthy relationship is the partners’ ability to take responsibility. Partners occasionally offend each other and argue. But they usually come back together strongly as long as each person recognizes their mistakes and apologize accordingly.
However, a dishonest person never takes responsibility. Instead, they languish in their ignorance and make their partner take the blame.
One sign of a dishonest partner is cheating. Whatever the world may have turned to, cheating should never be allowed in a relationship. It would be best if you were loyal to your spouse unless you have enough reasons not to.
Even if your partner shows questionable behavior, there are ways to solve it than resort to cheating.
The best couple feels safe around each other, but the case is different when dealing with dishonesty in a relationship.
Does your partner panic when you come into their house? Do they hide things from you or turn their phone away when you are around? If your answer is yes, that signifies you are dealing with dishonesty.
10. Your partner prevents you from following them on social media
Social media play an essential role in today’s relationships. Partners following each other’s social accounts is a sign of closeness. If you have requested your partner’s social accounts and they ask you why or what’s the big deal? It means they are being secretive.
11. They hide their paycheck from you
Financial issues are one of the reasons for divorce among couples. If you aren’t comfortable sharing your finances with your better half, you shouldn’t date. Also, if your partner doesn’t disclose their salary to you or lies about it, it shows they don’t trust you enough.
12. They don’t want you to meet their close friends
Meeting the friends of your partner is a significant milestone in a relationship. It shows that your partner trusts you and wants to show you off to people. If you have noticed that your spouse avoids introducing you to anyone when you are outside, it’s a sign of dishonesty.
13. They don’t keep their promise
Signs of dishonesty in a relationship also include your partner’s refusal to keep their promises. Of course, there are moments when circumstances make it hard to follow through with your words. However, if your better half often breaks their promises, they are not trustworthy.
It takes some gut for strangers or outsiders to tell your partner lies. You may not believe them, but it’s a sign of dishonesty if you have seen some other suspicious behaviors.
15. You can feel it
Sometimes your gut feeling is so strong that you can’t dismiss it. You have seen many signs of deception, from small lies, big lies, and cheating, to paranoia acts around you. At that point, you don’t need any soothsayer to tell you you are coping with dishonesty in a relationship.
Indeed, dishonesty in a relationship is a significant issue, but throwing the baby out with the bathwater is not enough. If you suspect your partner is not trustworthy, knowing how to fix dishonesty in a relationship is the best. The tips below will show you how:
1. Speak to them about it
You will be surprised that your partner is so used to lying that they don’t realize its effect anymore. Since it’s affecting you, call their attention to it.
Let your partner know how their actions make you feel and don’t be confrontational about it. Give them the chance to explain themselves and listen actively.
2. Understand their perspective
You have noticed a series of lies to confirm your partner is dishonest. If they explain themselves, try to be reasonable and understand from their point of view. Don’t criticize them or interrupt them. Remember, the goal is to fix your relationship.
Don’t expect your partner to tell you everything about themselves or their activities. That will be unreasonable. For example, they can tell you their location when they leave in the morning or when you check in later in the day. Expecting their activities for the whole day is unrealistic.
Whether you are the one lying or your partner, dishonesty in a relationship isn’t healthy. While there are “small lies” you tell to protect your partner, repeated lies make you untrustworthy. If you have noticed signs of dishonesty in a relationship, it’s essential to know how to deal with it.
If no measure seems to solve the issue of dishonesty in your relationship, you should seek the help of a marriage counselor or therapist.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.