15 Signs He Is Playing You

When a guy has sincere feelings for you, he will try everything possible to convince you he is here to stay. For instance, he will be more detailed about his life when discussing with you, he will want to meet your loved ones, and vice-versa. He may also show genuine interest in different aspects of your life to prove his commitment. 

However, when a guy is playing with your emotions, you might get confused about his feelings for you. This article explains some signs that answer the question, “Is he playing me?”

Why do guys play girls sometimes?

If you are a lady and you’ve asked questions like, “Is he playing me?”, he might be doing this because he loves control. He probably wants to manipulate the situation and have you do what he wants before he leaves you. 

Sometimes, guys could play with girls because they don’t want to get intimate. Hence, they would rather play them to prevent getting hurt.

How to be sure if a guy likes or is playing you

There is a thin line between when a guy likes you and he’s playing you. This is why knowing answers to questions like, “Am I being played?” is important to know if you’re being manipulated. If a guy likes you, he is likely to introduce you to his family and friends because he might want to build something special with you.

On the other hand, if he’s playing you, he may be reluctant to let people know about you because his intentions for you are not genuine. Another way to know is when he doesn’t discuss the future with you. 

Rather, he probably prefers to dwell in the present instead of making some plans together with you.

To understand more about Players, read this book by Heidi Fleiss, and Libby Keatinge titled The Players Handbook. This book contains the ultimate guide on dating and relationships. 

Related Reading: Dating vs. Relationships

15 signs he’s playing you

When a guy is playing you, some signs might be clear as crystal, while some might be confusing to detect. If you need clarification on how a guy feels towards you, here are some signs he’s playing you.

1. He has not told his loved ones about you

If a guy has not told his family and friends about you, there is a probable chance that he is playing you. When a guy is in love with someone, he may find it hard to keep his feelings to himself. Hence, he is likely to share it with people he trusts.

According to a Licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach Christiana Njoku,

If a guy is really interested in having you in his future, he will ensure he introduces you to the people that matter to him.

Also, if you’ve asked questions like, “Is he playing me?”, and you discover that he has not told his loved ones about you, he may be playing you. If you nudge him to introduce you to his family and friends, and he keeps bringing up different excuses, it might be one of the signs a man is a player.

2. He doesn’t want to meet your loved ones

When it comes to the question of “Is he playing me?”, one of the possible signs that he might be playing you is when he doesn’t want to meet your family and friends. If you discover that he keeps turning down every opportunity to get introduced to people who matter to you, then he could be playing you. 

On the other hand, if a man is serious with you, he may jump at every chance to meet the people you hold dear. Such men know the importance of being on talking terms with your loved ones.

3. He has not posted the pictures of the two of you

These days, you can find out concerning questions like whether he is a player or not by his activities on social media. If you discover that he has not shared pictures of the two of you on his socials, he might be playing you.

In some cases, he might not want people to know what is going on between the two of you. Some guys might also be in a serious relationship they don’t want to jeopardize, so they will keep your pictures from their social media accounts to prevent anyone from suspecting.

Related Reading: 4 Things to Avoid in Social Media if You Are in a Committed Relationship

4. He prefers to hang out with you in private

For people who ask questions like, “Is he playing me?”, one of the ways to know is when he wants to spend time with you in private rather than in public.

He probably doesn’t want anyone to see you with him in public and start wondering if the two of you are together. Similarly, he will turn down any occasion to see you where other familiar faces will be. If you ask him for his reasons, he may not have any valid ones to give.

5. He doesn’t talk about the future with you

In answer to the question, “Is he playing me?”, you can tell if a man is not serious about you when he avoids topics centered on the future. If you observe closely, you may see that he prefers to discuss the present and the past instead of the future.

He might also be selective with his words when he talks about his plans because he probably doesn’t want you to know that you’re not involved. When a man is truly in love with someone, he may seize every opportunity to let them know that he is planning a future with them.

6. He doesn’t allow you to touch his phone

If a man likes you, he might allow you unfettered access to some personal items like mobile phones. However, if he prevents you from handling his phone, he may hide something that he doesn’t want you to find out.

Such men may not even press their phones when with you because they don’t want you to see what they’re doing. Overall, you’ll notice his disposition when he’s on his phone is weird and suspicious because he probably doesn’t want you to see his conversations or activities with other people.

7. He isn’t interested in your crucial life activities

Another way to know if a guy is playing you is his disposition to important things in your life. A player can’t show genuine interest in some things in your life because they are just around for the short term.

They are likely to treat most things that concern you with fun because they don’t have serious plans for you. He probably doesn’t have an important space for you in his life, which is why he doesn’t show interest in some of your activities.

8. He gives empty promises

If you want to know how to recognize a player, one way to differentiate him from a sincere guy is if he keeps his promises or not.

Since he knows what he wants from you, he will likely keep making promises so that you can do his bidding. If he wants to sleep with you, he might make huge promises to motivate you to give in. 

However, after he gets what he needs, you will discover that he made those promises to get you in bed.

If you have a contrary opinion to what he wants, he might say things that will make you lose your confidence and accept his demands eventually. Such men may not care about your feelings, and they don’t respect your decisions.

Watch this video on a narcissist/manipulator’s empty promises: 

9. He doesn’t treat other people well

Sometimes, when a guy is playing someone, he might pretend to treat them well and care for them like they are the center of his world. However, the case might be different from other people in his life. If you want to confirm his intentions for you are true, watch how he treats people.

Pay attention to his dealings with other individuals so that you only play into his tactics for a short time. If he treats people shabbily and tries to confer love and affection on you, it might be a red flag that you need to be wary of.

Ultimately, Christiana Njoku states, 

For you to know if he is playing you, watch how he relates and treats people around him, because the way he relates and treats them will determine how he will treat you.

10. He doesn’t make you feel good about yourself

Most players do not allow their victims to feel good about themselves because they want them to keep coming back for validation. Some might tell you things that would make you doubt your abilities and possibly develop issues like imposter syndrome.

One of the common answers to the question, “Is he playing me?”, which is when he wants you to depend on him for your mental health needs. If he discovers that you have other means of helping yourself look and feel good, he will try to counteract their positive effects.

Related Reading: 20 Signs He Doesn’t Care About You or the Relationship

11. He is not clear about his activities

If you are asking, “Is he playing me?” or not, you can know from how he talks about his activities. When a man is serious about building a future with you, he will likely let you know everything he is doing. You might be one of the few people in his life who know what is going on because he prioritizes you. 

In comparison, if a guy is playing you, he will be vague about his activities. One of the reasons could be that he doesn’t want you to keep tabs on him. He will rather remain silent or unclear about his engagements.

12. He prefers to spend time with you at his convenience

When a man is playing you, he may not consider your schedule when he wants to spend time with you. He prefers to reach out to you when it is convenient for him. 

Most players may do this because they don’t care about the person, so they don’t see the importance of considering their schedule when meeting.

13. He prefers to communicate late at night

Another sign that answers the question of whether he is  playing with me or not is when he communicates regularly with you at night. If a man is interested in you, he may call or text during the day to find out how your day is going, instead of waiting till night. 

Some players know that communicating at night might aid their manipulation tactics because several people are vulnerable with their emotions and feelings when it is sundown.

14. He can ghost you without any explanation

If a man keeps ghosting you severally without explaining, it may be one of the signs that he is playing you. When a man has serious intentions for you, he is likely to keep you updated about his activities and whereabouts instead of being silent about them. 

Such men know the essence of communication and will avoid leaving you in the dark.

15. You’re not sure if it’s a relationship or a situationship

When you have a man who is not giving you clear signs, you may ask questions like, “Is he playing me?”. It might get more confusing when you need to know where the two of you stand, if it’s a potential relationship or a fling.

The signs may become clearer if a man loves you and knows what he wants. Some of them might even tell you how they feel without mincing words. 

But if he doesn’t help to clarify what is going on between you and him, then it’s possible you got played.

To learn more about the signs of a player, check out this book by Dylan Marks titled How to Spot a Player. This book reveals every trick in the player’s handbook. 

How to handle a player guy

When it comes to handling a player guy, one of the ways to do this is by not giving him a smooth passage. Avoid allowing him to have his way when he asks for things like a date, a visit, a hangout, etc. If you give a player some demands to prove their interests, and he begins to pull away, it could mean that he was not interested in the first place.

FAQs

Here are some frequently asked questions about being played.

• How do you know if a guy is playing you?

You can know when a guy is playing with you if he doesn’t tell you some intricate details of his personal life. He might be playing with you if he also doesn’t like hanging out with you in public.

• How do you tell if a player has feelings for you?

One of the ways to know that a player has feelings for you is when they become less secretive. Also, they will prefer to spend more time with you and communicate better with you.

The takeaway 

People often ask questions like, “Is he playing me?” when they are involved with someone unclear with their intentions. With the signs of a player revealed in this article, you can now be sure if a guy is sincere with his feelings. If you feel unable to handle the schemes of a player, it is advisable to see a relationship therapist for more help.

Brian Nox wrote a masterpiece on players titled Red Flags. This book helps you to know how he’s playing games with you. 

Expert Q&A

Is it a red flag if he wants to see me only when he misses me?

Anne Duvaux

Coach

Expert Answer

We are all different with a range of quirks and baggage that we bring to a relationship. Without knowing the full context, it's very difficult to answer your question. It's always a good idea to avoid focusing on one data point though and to look at the big picture.

All relationships are a dance around balancing each other's needs and finding a happy middle ground. So, for example, it's about making time for each other rather than just seeing him on his terms alone.

He might only think of you when he misses you, which can also be perfectly healthy because he's not obsessing about you, and if he's happy to get a phone call from you and see you when you miss him then that's not necessarily a red flag.

On the other hand, if he doesn't let you sometimes ask for his time then something might be wrong. Again, you need to look at context, though, as he might not realize what he's doing. Make sure you talk to him and share your concerns so that you can work out what's best for both of you together without trying to second guess him. Mind-reading is one of the most common mistakes couples make so always communicate more than you think you already have.

How can you get a man to come back to you?

Anne Duvaux

Coach

Expert Answer

Whilst it's tempting to wish that we can control other people, we can't. So, the better question is how can you attract the right man? There's a subtle shift between wanting to attract a specific man and doing everything we can for them to being internally grounded and letting our energy and way of being pull someone towards us. In other words, the first approach is a very focused linear push of ourselves onto someone, whereas the second approach is a more spacious spread of our natural energy that pulls the right people towards us.

To make that shift, we all need to do the internal healing and self-discovery that allows us to be grounded and at ease with ourselves. It means exploring our triggers, our pains as well as our needs and internal motivations. As we discover these parts of ourselves, we start accepting ourselves as well as others for who they are and we become more comfortable with uncertainty and the fact that we can't please everyone. In short, we become happy with ourselves, including all our nasty sides, such that positive and grounded people also become drawn to us. ??It would be very easy for me to list some actions for you to attract your man, which is very much Google's approach, but these are superficial and if they work now, they will not work in the long run. To truly attract a man and build a successful relationship, you need to look inside and know yourself first. M. Scott Peck writes about this work and the journey involved in most of his books and a good starting point is The Road Less Travelled if you haven't read it already. ?

How can I be sure my partner truly loves me and is not playing with my emotions?

Anne Duvaux

Coach

Expert Answer

My first question would be, what makes you think your partner is playing with your emotions? What behaviours and statements allow you to draw this conclusion? The mind is a very difficult tool to work with and it's extremely hard to see reality without the layers of storytelling that the mind creates. That's why it's always important to communicate and share your concerns. Nevertheless, be factual in how you approach things, whilst still sharing your feelings, to avoid sounding like you're blaming your partner. So, for example, tell your partner that when he does or says x, it makes you feel used and unvalidated, and you need someone who can appreciate your emotions, so would they consider stopping or changing x? The more you talk about these things, the more you'll get to know each other and what really works for you both.

He started acting strange after I asked him if he loves me. Later he ghosted me and then after I questioned him a lot, he said he tried to love me but it didn't work. What should I do now?

Christiana Njoku

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

It takes an honest person to open up to you, even if it hurts. Ghosting is a sign of disrespect, and you deserve someone who loves you for who you are. If he says he tried to love you, but it didn't work, that simply means he's not feeling the same way you are feeling about each other. This is better than someone who is out to fake feelings. Don't begin to blame yourself for his actions, and don't try to make him change his mind. Instead, focus on yourself and your own healing. In moving forward, practice self-love and spend time with supportive friends and family.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less