13 Telling Signs That a Person Is Incapable of Love
It should not be surprising to learn that some people don’t buy into the concept of love. Such people see love as a fantasy that only exists in romantic novels and movies. To them, love is non-existent, and they believe that people who go on that journey will most likely regret it in the end.
Such people are incapable of love, and one of the primary reasons why they have this notion is because they don’t love themselves. If you don’t love yourself, it could be difficult for you to love others genuinely. Another reason for not feeling love could be that you have not found the right person yet.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is incapable of love, it can be deeply devastating and frustrating for you. That’s why we have this article that can help you understand your situation better and protect yourself from further harm.
What does it mean to be incapable of love?
To be incapable of love typically refers to an individual’s inability or difficulty in experiencing or expressing genuine feelings of affection, empathy, or attachment towards others.
The inability to love can manifest as a persistent pattern of emotional detachment, an inability to form deep emotional connections or a lack of empathy towards the emotions and needs of others.
The inability to love can stem from various factors, including past trauma, personality disorders, or certain neurological conditions.
Have you been worried about, “Am I not capable of love?”
It is important to note that this does not mean that individuals incapable of love are inherently incapable of forming relationships, but rather they may struggle with experiencing or demonstrating emotional intimacy and connection.
7 reasons why people are incapable of love
If you are wondering why some people find it hard to love, here are some possible reasons that might be responsible for it. It can also address your concerns if you are thinking about, “Why am I incapable of love?”
1. Childhood trauma
Some of our experiences during childhood shape how we lead our lives as adults, and this includes love. For example, an individual who received much love from both parents and friends when they were little will grow up to be people with a large capacity to love.
In comparison, a child abandoned by one parent or witnessed domestic violence will grow up with the idea that loving anyone is impossible.
An article by Keiva Brannigan explains how childhood trauma affects romantic relationships and other behaviors and problems typical with adults.
2. The worry of losing yourself in a relationship
A relationship needs in-depth commitment to blossom, but one of the reasons why some people are reluctant to show and express much love is the fear of losing themselves.
The truth is, being in a relationship does not mean that you will lose your identity and fully conform to your partner’s will. Some people with this notion have decided not to love because they want to retain their personality, and over time, it prevents them from loving truly.
3. They don’t want someone to take advantage of them
In a relationship, you need to trust that your partner has your best interests at heart and will not capitalize on this to hurt you.
However, it might be challenging to earn this trust, especially if the individual was in a previous relationship where their heart was broken because they trusted fully. Therefore, this tragic event might have shaped their ideologies about love, which will make them decide not to love again.
4. Low self-esteem
One of the main reasons why people have low self-esteem is because they don’t love themselves. And before you can genuinely love others, you need to love yourself.
Someone with low self-esteem would find it hard to enjoy their relationship because they don’t love themselves and they don’t believe what their partner feels towards them.
5. Building inner strength
Embracing silence after a breakup can be empowering. It requires individuals to confront their emotions, face challenges, and develop resilience. By navigating the healing process on their own terms, individuals can build inner strength and emerge from the breakup stronger and more self-assured.
6. Time for self-care
Breakups can leave individuals feeling emotionally drained. Silence and space away from intimate relationships allow them to devote time and attention to self-care activities that promote their physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This may include engaging in therapy, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies that bring joy and relaxation.
7. Reclaiming independence
In a relationship, personal boundaries can become blurred. Silence after a breakup provides an opportunity to establish and reinforce individual boundaries, allowing individuals to regain a sense of independence and identity. Whilst they may be incapable of love now, this space of reflection could help the person form healthier relationships in the future.
13 true signs that a person is incapable of love
Someone incapable of love might be struggling with creating mature and romantic relationships with people, probably due to their past relationships, childhood experiences, or personality type. Such people need help, but it’s difficult to tell because they are good at concealing these issues.
You might fall in love with someone incapable of love, and it would be tough because your feelings will not be reciprocated, which can cause the relationship to end.
And even though this is not your fault at all, you may have to deal with the complicated emotions that come with loving someone who can reciprocate your love.
A research study by Briana S. Nelson Goff et al. highlights how past trauma affects the intimate relationship of couples, showing how factors like communication, understanding, and sexual intimacy are affected.
Here are some signs that a person is incapable of love:
1. Blaming other people
Someone incapable of love lacks the audacity to accept their wrongdoings. They prefer to blame other people because it helps them feel better and avoid guilt.
These people have no idea about the origin of their problem. So, they prefer to allow other people to take the blame. In their relationship, they are focused on what they stand to gain without considering their partner.
If things don’t work out as planned, they don’t take responsibility for their actions.
2. Constant excuses
People who cannot love are prone to giving excuses even when they know they are wrong. For instance, if they acted unacceptably to their spouse, they will give excuses for their actions instead of apologizing.
Then, they will expect their spouse to accept their wrongdoings on the premise that they are aware of the cause. Someone incapable of love will always justify themselves when they are caught in the act to prevent accepting blames.
3. Disinterest in becoming a better partner
Someone incapable of love has no interest in improving themselves. The reason is that they have no interest in their partner and the relationship. So, their attention bandwidth begins to decline, and it becomes noticeable.
If they make mistakes in the relationship, they will be reluctant to correct them because of their inability to accept that they are wrong. Their words and actions will reflect that they are getting tired of the relationship, and they are ready to work out if their partner allows them.
It will be difficult getting such people to become better partners because that is not their goal.
4. Lack of accountability
Anyone incapable of love doesn’t fancy the idea of being accountable for both romantic relationships and friendships. The primary reason is that their ability to see their mistakes as they relate with their romantic partners or friends is limited.
For instance, your questions about their intentions, feelings, or whereabouts after a lapse on their part may seem insignificant to them. They would rather get on with their life than answer for their mistakes.
While their partners or friends make efforts to be better people in the relationship or friendship, they are oblivious to their efforts. More so, they are not interested in playing their part, and if someone points out their wrongdoing to them, they simply withdraw and move on with their lives.
5. Improper communication
When you are in love with someone, communication will be one of your strongest points. And experts have proven that lack of communication or improper communication can have a significant impact on the health of any relationship.
On the other hand, someone who is poor at showing no love will find it challenging to communicate because the interest or spark isn’t there. Therefore, if you have someone in your life that is incapable of love, you will notice that their communication is mostly forced, and there are lots of lapses.
More so, when they are hurt, they will prefer to keep quiet instead of speaking out. When it gets to the point that they can’t handle it, they explode with frustration. This is why they prefer not to love so that they won’t have to bottle up feelings.
6. They are always self-centered
It is okay to look out for yourself at various times, but someone with the inability to love or be loved is often almost always self-absorbed. They find it hard to show genuine concern for other people’s plights because they are too busy sorting out theirs.
For instance, if they are in a relationship where their partner faces some difficulty at work, they find it hard to empathize with them., Perhaps they even make the problem about themselves, This leaves the partner with difficulty at work, feeling alone in finding a solution to their problems.
Still looking for a clear indicator of self-centered behavior? For instance, individuals with the “can’t feel love disorder” will prefer to always take instead of giving in any equation.
7. They withdraw emotionally
For a relationship to be successful, both partners have to continuously invest their emotions. When one party starts to withdraw, it affects the relationship because the other party might be actively playing their part.
Someone who is not able to love will experience emotional conflicts within them and with other people. They may even wonder, “Am I incapable of loving someone,” without being able to change their behavior.
8. Worrying about other people’s opinions
If you have ever asked, “How am I incapable of love,” confirm if you always care about what everyone says concerning you or not.
It is normal to hear the opinions of people and consider if you should act on them or not. However, if you always bother about what people will say concerning all your moves, it shows you are not ready for a relationship, or you don’t love yourself enough.
On some occasions, it is okay to consider yourself alone. And to balance the equation, it is fine look out for other people and what they might be saying about you up to some extent.
Loving yourself is the first step to trusting your actions and emotions. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t find security in all you do. Rather, your actions, thoughts, and emotions will depend on everyone’s opinions.
9. Prepared to be single forever
Someone who has the “unable to love disorder” has no business being in a relationship because they don’t want any commitment. They understand that sustaining a relationship is not an easy task, so they prefer to remain single while caring for themselves.
For instance, when people show interest in them, they prefer to cut off such friendships before it grows into something else. The commitment and accountability of an attachment is not something that interests them. This can be a sad thing for you if you care about them.
Often because they have the inability and lack of desire to form romantic relationships, they are on alert to detect your intentions after a few conversations. If they feel you want more they will likely keep their distance. While people around them enjoy their love life, they see it as a mirage.
10. Giving up without putting efforts
An individual who is incapable of love finds it easy to give up when something is not beneficial to them again. Since they don’t care about the other party, they can walk away easily without any strain on their conscience.
For example, does your partner constantly suggest parting ways instead of working through even the most minor problems that come up in your relationship? This could be a definite sign that they are incapable of love.
11. A lack of empathy
A notable sign of incapability to love is a consistent lack of empathy. These individuals have difficulty understanding or connecting with the emotions and experiences of others. This can make it extremely disheartening to be with them for you.
An individual incapable of love may disregard or invalidate others’ feelings, lacking genuine concern or understanding for their pain or needs. This lack of empathy hinders their ability to form authentic emotional connections.
Even if you are having bad moments, these individuals will find it a strain to show empathy. Their attempts at empathizing will lack authenticity and will come off as superficial and forced.
12. They may end up manipulating others
Some individuals incapable of love may resort to manipulative tactics to control others’ emotions or gain an advantage. They may use charm, deceit, or emotional manipulation to meet their own needs without genuinely caring for the well-being of others.
Research conducted by D. M. Buss, M. Gomes, D. S. Higgins, and K. Lauterbach shows that a manipulative individual can utilize various techniques like lying, gaslighting, coercion, and regression to alter others’ perspectives on reality.
Manipulation allows them to maintain a sense of control and avoid emotional intimacy. For example, they may choose to lie to you about their whereabouts when they feel no inclination to be around you or fulfill your needs.
Watch this video to learn more about the signs of emotional manipulation so that you can protect yourself from such behavior:
13. They have a pattern of short-lived relationships
Incapable loving individuals often have a history of relationships that lack depth and longevity. And it might be deeply troubling for you if you are around someone like this.
Individuals with an inability to love may struggle to develop intimate emotional connections, leading to a series of shallow or fleeting partnerships. This pattern may stem from a fear of vulnerability or difficulty in forming deep emotional bonds.
Some commonly asked questions
The ability to experience love is a complex and essential aspect of human emotion. However, some individuals may struggle with feeling incapable of love, leading to questions about its potential link to mental health issues.
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Can feeling incapable of loving be a sign of a mental health issue?
Yes, feeling incapable of loving can be a sign of a mental health issue. Conditions like depression, attachment disorders, and some personality disorders can lead to difficulties in forming emotional connections or experiencing love.
It’s essential to seek professional help if you or someone you know is struggling with these feelings to address the underlying issues and improve emotional well-being.
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Are you incapable of love?
Determining if someone is incapable of love is a complex and individualized question. It requires deep self-reflection and understanding of one’s emotions and behavior patterns.
The fact that you are researching and reading on this issue, showcases an attempt at identification and self-reflection. It demonstrates the right approach and can help you significantly move forward, if you are indeed dealing with an inability to love.
It is important to note that difficulties in experiencing or expressing love can be influenced by various factors, such as past traumas, personality traits, or unresolved emotional issues. By addressing these issues, you can overcome your inability to love and form meaningful bonds with the people around you.
Seeking therapy or counseling can provide valuable insights and support in exploring these concerns and developing a healthier understanding of love and emotional connections.
Final thoughts
Someone incapable of love needs all the help they can get, and they need constant reassurance in friendships and romantic relationships. So if you notice that your partner is incapable of love, be their number one source of support and strength.
Allow them to see your vulnerability and always remind them of how much they mean to you. However, this must not be at the cost of your personal health and happiness.
This book by Conrad W Baars, titled: Healing The Unaffirmed, helps partners to perform affirmation therapy on those incapable of loving someone. This therapy brings joy, self-confidence, and peace within the individual unable to love.
You must assess whether your partner’s inability to love is something that is worth your time and effort. Check whether it is costing you or is becoming harmful to your mental health. If this is the case, you must consider consulting a licensed therapist for help or walk away to protect yourself.
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