10 Ways to Understand Your Wife Better

Understanding is one of the basic pillars of any relationship, especially marriage. Understanding your spouse is vital for a healthy and happy relationship. 

As a partner, you would want to understand the person you have committed to spending your life with.

However, it might not always be a cakewalk. Understanding in marriage requires a high level of empathy, time, and gaining perspective from another person’s point of view. If you feel you could use some help understanding your wife because you have asked “how to understand your wife better,” read on.

What are some skills for healthy romantic relationships apart from understanding? Watch this video.

How to understand your wife better – 10 ways

You may have sometimes thought, “Understanding my wife is so difficult!”

Understanding your wife or partner is important in a relationship. If you are asking, “How to understand your wife better,” you may feel unable to understand your partner well enough. 

It could also be that your partner has conveyed to you that they do not feel understood by you in the relationship. To know how to understand your wife better, read the ten tips mentioned below.

1. Take a personality test

To understand your wife as your spouse or partner, you must understand their personality. 

For that, taking a credible personality test can help. The MBTI quiz is one of the most popular and known to be an accurate personality test. You could try that or some other personality test.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, states that,

Related Reading: 10 Best Love Compatibility Tests for Couples

2. Open up

Understanding comes with vulnerability. However, no one can be vulnerable and show you their deepest insecurities or share what truly matters to them just like that.

If you want to understand your wife or your spouse, open up to them. When you show them this side of you, they will open up to you, too. This way, you will be able to understand them better.

This research talks about building intimacy through sharing, opening up, and being vulnerable with your partner.

3. Ask questions

One of the easiest ways to understand someone is to ask them questions. Ask questions to know more about them and what makes them ‘them.’

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, highlights,

When you ask questions, make sure you do not sound judgemental or condescending. Make your partner know that you genuinely want to get to know them to understand better.

4. Learn their Love Language ®

Love Languages ® is a concept by Dr. Gary Chapman. It is one of the five ways in which one would feel loved. The five love languages include –

• Physical touch – This does not just mean sexual touch. It means being affectionate in small ways, such as holding hands, cuddling, snuggling, etc.
• Words of affirmation – A person whose love language is words of affirmation, like reassurance in words. Telling them they look great or that you are proud of them can mean the world to them.
• Gift-giving is another love language when people like to be told they are loved in gifts. It doesn’t have to be material or expensive. But something like a flower, a card, or a note in their lunch is enough to make them feel loved and happy.
• Quality time –  A person’s love language is quality time if they like to be around you while you do even the most mundane things. Whether it is picking up groceries or just taking a walk – they are happy to be in your company.
• Acts of service – The last but not the least of the five love languages is acts of service. This is when a person likes to be loved and told they are loved in service. Cooking or cleaning for them or sharing some of their workload can mean a lot to them.

To understand your wife better, learn how they wish to be loved and what their love language is. It is also vital to understand the love language they use to express love toward you to understand them better.

5. Spend time with the people closest to them

To understand your wife or partner, spend time with their family or friends. You can ask them questions or learn more about them and your partner. Spending time with people close to them will help you get more insights about your partner and their personality.

The answer to the question, “How to understand your wife better,” is in learning more about them and the people closest to them. However, this has to happen naturally and should not be forced.

6. Accept them

Understanding comes from acceptance. If you are wondering how to understand your wife better, you must learn to accept them and their feelings.

To understand your wife better, you must accept them for who they are, no matter how imperfect they may be. Accepting your partner for who they are makes it easier to understand her.

7. Actively listen

We often listen to respond and do not understand. However, if you really want to know how to understand your wife better, listen to her actively. It is in the little things we say that we reflect our biggest values and principles. You will find it much easier to understand her if you listen to what she has to say.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, states,

8. Be affectionate

Touching your partner or being attracted to them is one thing. However, being affectionate in the smallest gestures, such as making them a cup of coffee, or holding their hand, makes them feel loved and understood. They may also find it easier to open up to you when they know they are loved.

Related Reading: 13 Easy Ways to Show Your Affection in a Relationship

9. Build intimacy

Intimacy is much more than just sex. It is knowing each other in and out deeply. The way they like their coffee, their go-to drink, or what makes them feel better on a bad day are certain things you would know if you are truly intimate with your partner. 

Building intimacy can be important in understanding your wife better and becoming an understanding husband.

10. Couples therapy

Sometimes, we need professionals’ help navigating through some of the challenges in our relationships. 

You can take couples therapy to understand your wife better if you wish. If you want to understand your wife better but none of the abovementioned tips work for you, working with a therapist is a good idea. 

FAQs

Here are some frequently asked questions about understanding your wife better.

How can I understand my wife emotionally?

Understanding your wife emotionally comes in various ways. First, you need to give it time. With time, a person becomes more comfortable with you and is likely to open up and share more about them. When they do so, it becomes easier to understand them.

Other ways to understand your wife emotionally are to get to know their background, upbringing, and whether they have had an emotionally healthy childhood and life. Being affectionate and vulnerable with your wife can also help you understand her emotionally.

The takeaway

Understanding is not built in a day in any relationship. Being understanding of your partner is being able to see things from their perspective and know where they are coming from. 

You might not agree with them, but you know why they behave the way they do and why it is okay.

Meanwhile, being understanding does not mean that when you think that your partner or wife is doing something wrong or unjustified, you do not call it out. Sometimes, we may have trouble navigating through our moral compass as humans.

As a partner, it is also important to ensure that your partner knows when you cannot understand what they are doing and why you think that is wrong.

Giving them a spin on their perspective while being respectful is also part of a healthy understanding between couples.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

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Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

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We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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