It can be rough in a relationship when minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or relationship troubles.
One or both of you could be confused as to how a little thing can cause such a big disruption. Conflicts are normal in any relationship, no one is going to do exactly what you want them to all the time.
It’s one of the most common relationship problems to be irritated and frustrated about that.
But when you are fighting and it seems like you are not capable of overcoming any crisis that’s when you have to change something in your relationship.
So, how to solve relationship problems?
When you’re ready to take your solutions to your relationship problems to a whole new level, you can follow these 7 tips to help your relationship recover to a wonderful place.
1. Step back from the fight
No one enjoys fighting with their loved ones, but facing relationship problems, trying to solve them and repair your relationship in the heat of the moment can be risky since emotions are high and even a kind word could be misinterpreted.
It is okay during an argument to call a timeout or remove yourself from the drama in order to regroup and preserve the relationship.
Remember that words can hurt, so taking a moment or two to cool down and stop saying hurtful things is never a bad idea.
Try taking deep breaths, punching a pillow, doing some yoga stretches or even going for a run to let out some of your aggression in a productive way that won’t hurt your partner further.
Whether you have a cooling down plan in place or need to create one on the fly, getting some time and space will offer you the chance to reflect on what happened with a rational mind.
When both of you have calmed down and are able to hear each other without arguing any longer then it will be time to come together and talk again.
2. Make the peace
It can be hard when your feelings are hurt to put yourself in the emotionally vulnerable position of trying to solve the problem together.
When facing relationship problems it takes a great deal of faith in your relationship to accept that you both have moved on and someone is ready to apologize.
Offering an apology does not mean you are taking sole responsibility for the argument, nor does it make you weak.
Having the courage to take responsibility for the hurt you caused by the situation or resulting fight shows a real maturity and respect for your loved one and your relationship together.
When facing relationship problems and trying to turn it on its head, an apology can help resurrect the love bond.
An apology doesn’t have to be completely verbal, it could be a hug or a kiss.
It could even be bringing your spouse a cup of their favorite coffee and inviting them to talk with you. While it may seem hard to take these first steps, your relationship is worth it and will thrive because you’re willing to move past the pain of your fight.
3. Practice active listening
Active listening is so important to a conversation with your partner but especially when you are facing relationship problems and are trying to recover from your dispute.
Try to avoid talking when you can’t focus solely on one another. Eye contact is crucial for understanding in a relationship. Have you ever misinterpreted sarcasm because you were distracted by your phone or something else?
It can happen so easily and in these moments of reparations, you don’t want your words to be twisted or skewed.
When facing relationship problems, show your partner that you are interested in their side of the story and be willing to listen to their words. You can be sure you understand by repeating what they’ve said back.
For example, saying “I hear you saying you’re frustrated that I didn’t mow the lawn when you asked.” Repeating their message to you and finding the emotional context will help you to engage and process the fight on a different level and hopefully will lead to a deeper understanding of each other moving forward.
4. Communicate effectively
When it’s your turn to share your side of the situation try not to place blame on either yourself or your partner and simply lay the facts out there.
Share how you were feeling, no matter how long you’ve been together your partner cannot read your mind. They just simply may not understand why you were so upset, especially if it’s something that has been bothering you for a long while.
Your loved one could be scratching their head curious because they’ve always done that and you’ve never gotten upset before.
When facing relationship problems, it can be really confusing when you’ve suddenly gotten upset and it can be easy to get defensive, that is why when you share what’s on your mind that you don’t go for an attack.
Try to never use phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” When you make broad statements you are just inviting your spouse to defend themselves with specific examples of how that isn’t true.
Bring the focus back to you and your feelings so as not to lay blame. Starting your sentences with the word “I” can be incredibly helpful and self-reflective.
5. Find the underlying issue
Your argument about mowing the lawn probably isn’t really about someone not mowing the lawn. Did they promise to mow on a certain day and then met up with friends instead? Then you’re upset that they broke their word and weren’t around.
When you can figure out what the underlying cause of the argument was, you can be better prepared to move forward and find a solution that you can both agree to.
This is why it’s important to take the space you need right after the fight. It can be hard to get to the bottom of things when emotions are running hot.
6. Try to come up with a solution
It can be hard to find a solution that works for both of you for any given solution.
You are two unique individuals and bring different experiences of what works and what doesn’t to the table. It’s important to note that if you are serious about making your relationship work there will be some give and take, things may not always go your way.
But certainly if your underlying issue is different expectations, you can strive to make sure the two of you are on the same page by having a weekly meeting or check-in.
At that time you can go over the next few days and discuss how you both see the days going. If you see your lawn being mowed on the next sunny day make that clear so your partner understands how you feel.
It’s likely that your relationship won’t change overnight. Also you won’t suddenly become resilient when facing relationship problems.
Even with the best possible intentions, it takes time to change habits that are conducive to facing relationship problems and overcoming them. Taking baby steps towards big changes is still moving forward and that should be celebrated.
Your relationship is worth it!
7. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
When problems seem insurmountable or your health or safety is involved do not hesitate to ask for help.
Talk to your healthcare provider for options or meet with a couple’s counselor if you think it can help to get useful tips on how to get your relationship back on track
Letting your relationship spiral out of control can be difficult and it can be scary to ask for help, but it is an incredibly brave thing to do.
There are people who love you and will want to work with you to help your relationship thrive in an effective and safe way.
Healing old hurts in yourself and your spouse can be a real challenge but if you are both committed to making it work will be worth it in the long run. Remember all the reasons you first loved about your partner and use them to motivate you in trying to get the help you need to stay together.
All relationships can take work so it’s great you are looking for ways to help your relationship thrive in the midst of problems.
By following these steps you too can work your way back from a bad patch and repair your loving relationship. It is completely normal for fights to occur but it’s how to come back from them that shows if you’ve got what it takes to last forever.