Dating Someone With ADHD
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Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurological disorder that makes it difficult for a person to pay attention and control impulsive behaviors.
It sounds like a minor issue, but the lack of focus has a huge impact on an individual’s learning ability, and impulsive behaviors could lead to annoying or legal consequences.
Toddlers have “natural” ADHD, but true ADHD is when teenagers and adults never outgrow it.
Teenage and Adult years is also the time when social skills and intimate relationships form as part of the life cycle. ADHD can have a huge impact on it.
Dating someone with ADHD
Dating a person with ADHD is like having an intimate relationship with a toddler. Unless you have a sick fetish, most people want their romantic partners to pay attention to them and their relationship.
If the person is not aware that their partner has ADHD, it would appear that their partner is a larger than life individual with a sexy rebellious attitude. Funny as it may seem, but a lot of people, especially women, are attracted to that.
Overtime, impulsive behavior and the lack of focus will have consequences, and it can be generally perceived as irresponsible behavior.
If you are dating a guy with ADHD their “rebel without a cause” attitude may start sexy, but will end up ruining your life as you get older.
On the flip side, when you’re dating a girl with ADHD, it may start out as having a strong and independent woman as a mate. But it will soon become apparent they are just bat-shit crazy.
How to Date Someone with ADHD
But love is also crazy, even if you end up dating someone with ADHD and the consequences are severely affecting your life. A lot of people would persevere thinking it’s part of any relationship (by the way, it is).
Here are some tips for dating someone with ADHD.
1. Find their passion
People with ADHD are known to have short attention spans, however, it is not the case 100% of the time. There are things that they are passionate about and can focus on such topics.
If you have an ADHD girlfriend, for example, they may appear narcissistic and conceited, but they are passionate when talking or learning about fashion or shopping.
Success in life means you have to be an expert in one thing. It is a much better approach than being a jack of all trades.
World-class experts in boxing, football, gaming, programming, fashion, and extreme sports earn a lot of money and respect.
Even if some of these people are considered deficient in other departments, it is fair to consider them winners in life.
Direct their energy to their passion and support it. Guide them to turn their passion into a constructive endeavor.
2. Forgive and Forget
Dating a woman with ADHD (or some men for that matter) requires a lot of patience. Act as a sheath to their sword. Ignore their little eccentric behaviors that are just manifestations of their ADHD.
It will hurt. If they are forgetful, insensitive, and frankly, it looks like they don’t care. if you love the person enough, you can look past them and support your relationship.
3. Act as Guide
People with ADHD are hard to control, but they are not stupid. If they love you, they know that they have responsibilities and obligations to you and your relationship.
ADHD will get in the way, but if they care about you, they will try their best. If you’re able to use that influence to improve your lives both as individuals and as a couple. It gives not just your relationship, but you are giving success a chance.
4. Ask for Help
Professionals that specialize in ADHD and peer groups exists worldwide. Consult a professional privately before attempting to bring your partner into the mix.
A lot of people with ADHD do not believe there is something wrong with them, (but there’s something wrong with the world instead) and if they see you as an ally, breaking that trust by introducing them to strangers “who want to help” is counterproductive.
Slowly develop their trust and make them want to change on their own before opening up the possibility of outside support.
In the meantime, peer groups and professionals can advise you on how to get your partner to seek help. They would not be surprised if you come into a session and saying “my girlfriend has ADHD,” and support you and your relationship.
5. Don’t Forget To Have Fun
Dating someone with ADHD is not all fun and games, but all relationships are like that. What is important is that you enjoy each other’s company and develop your intimacy.
The earlier advice would seem like one partner is babysitting the other. It is partially true. However, do not forget to enjoy the love that both of you share.
Even if your relationships have problems, all relationships do, make sure to keep the romance alive.
Once conflicts take over a couples life, both of you may develop anxiety and dating someone with ADHD and anxiety will not end well.
Find the time to be spontaneous and exciting. ADHD people with their impulses and short attention spans would love it. Like children, they get bored easily, so mixing things up all the time will keep them interested.
Make sure to do something that is also fun for you, otherwise, there’s no point. You are a loving intimate partner, not a babysitter.
Dating someone with ADHD can be exciting in this way. Encourage your partner to do the same.
Dating someone with ADHD is going to be a challenge. If you love the person, then there shouldn’t be an insurmountable challenge. Just make sure it doesn’t turn into a codependency type relationship. That is toxic and unhealthy and still would not last for long.
It would seem like the non-ADHD partner would do the heavy lifting. That may sound true in the long run. That is why it is important to seek help as soon as you notice that your partner has ADHD.
It is not something you have to deal with on your own. Support groups and professionals are always ready to lend a hand.
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