How to Deal With Someone in Denial: 15 Ways

Imagine a friend refusing to acknowledge their health issues or a loved one downplaying a financial struggle. This kind of denial can create challenges for everyone involved, as it blocks the path to healthy change and healing. 

Understanding how to deal with someone in denial requires patience and empathy; it involves gently guiding them to face uncomfortable truths without pushing them away. There are many ways to help a loved one in denial, but the key lies in creating a safe environment where they feel supported, not criticized. 

In this article, we’ll explore practical methods to communicate effectively, encourage self-reflection, and support loved ones as they move from denial toward acceptance and personal growth.

What is denial?

Denial is a psychological defense mechanism where a person refuses to acknowledge or accept a painful reality, thought, or feeling. It’s a way to protect oneself from emotional distress, anxiety, or fear. 

By denying the existence of a problem, individuals can temporarily avoid confronting the issue and the associated negative emotions. However, denial can hinder personal growth and prevent problem-solving.

While it can provide temporary relief, it ultimately prevents individuals from fully engaging with their experiences and taking the necessary steps towards healing and resolution.

How can denial cause problems?

Denial, although a natural coping mechanism, can have far-reaching consequences when it persists unchecked. In situations where individuals avoid confronting issues, such as health warnings, behavioral problems, or mental illness denial, denial can become deeply harmful. 

The refusal to acknowledge reality not only impacts their lives but also the well-being of those around them. Here are seven ways denial can negatively affect individuals and their relationships and how to deal with someone in denial:

• Health risks increase

Ignoring health warnings can lead to untreated illnesses, worsening conditions, and compromised quality of life. When someone dismisses health concerns, denial can interfere with early intervention, which is essential in many cases.

• Relationships are strained

Denial of harmful behavior, such as addiction or anger issues, can erode trust and cause emotional distance. Partners, friends, or family members may feel frustrated or helpless as they struggle to offer support.

• Emotional growth is hindered

By refusing to confront issues, individuals miss opportunities for self-awareness, growth, and improved resilience. This lack of introspection can prevent them from developing coping skills and emotional intelligence.

• Career and finances may suffer

Denying job-related or financial problems, like debt or poor performance, can result in lasting setbacks or even unemployment. Denial may cause them to overlook crucial responsibilities, leading to escalating difficulties.

• Poor decision-making develops

Denial distorts perception, leading individuals to make decisions based on flawed or incomplete understanding. This may cause them to take unnecessary risks or make choices that are counterproductive to their goals.

• Legal problems may arise

Ignoring legal responsibilities or consequences, such as unpaid bills or unresolved conflicts, can lead to penalties or legal action. Denial in this context can make situations far worse, potentially leading to financial and legal hardship.

• Mental health declines

Persistent denial can increase stress, anxiety, and depression as unresolved issues accumulate over time. Over time, these emotional burdens can create a cycle of avoidance that can prevent effective mental health treatment.

Is being in denial a mental illness?

Denial itself is not a mental illness but rather a defense mechanism that can be present in various mental health conditions. It involves refusing to accept reality or acknowledge painful thoughts, feelings, or experiences.

While everyone uses denial to some degree, excessive or persistent denial can be a sign of an underlying issue, such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or trauma. 

If denial significantly interferes with daily life, relationships, or treatment, it’s essential to seek professional help. A mental health professional can assess the situation and provide appropriate support and interventions.

5 signs of denial

Being in denial symptoms shows someone isn’t ready to accept the truth. To know how to deal with someone in denial, you must be familiar with the following signs: 

1. Refusing to talk about the problem

One of the leading signs of denial is the inability to acknowledge the problem. People in denial will do anything but sit with you to discuss the issue.

2. Downplaying the consequences of their action

Another sign of denial is a nonchalant attitude about the effect of their actions. For example, a concerned and worried family member will appear bugging or nagging to people in denial. To someone living in denial, their loved ones make a mole out of a mountain. 

For example, someone showing signs of denial in love will tell you they are not in love even when the thought of their love interest makes them smile out of the blue.

3. Justifying their behavior

Regardless of how disturbing their behavior is, people in denial make excuses or give reasons for their actions. For instance, they blame outside forces or other people for causing a particular problem. Taking responsibility doesn’t come easy to them.

4. They persist in their actions

Despite the negative effect of their actions, people in denial continue behaving as they want.

5. Promising to change

Another common sign of someone living in denial is a bogus promise to change for the better. People in denial do this repeatedly when family members appear to be on their necks.

15 ways to help a loved one in denial

Supporting someone in denial can be complex, especially if it’s affecting your relationship or daily life. Whether you’re observing early signs of denial in a relationship or seeking practical steps, knowing how to help someone in denial requires compassion and understanding. 

Here are some thoughtful ways to approach the situation with sensitivity and hope.

1. Learn about their condition

To know  how to deal with someone in denial, you must know what you are up against. It’s unfair to get angry at a depressed person in denial without understanding their situation. Start by knowing the nature of their denial. Are they going through trauma, grief, or fear?

If you can’t find enough information from them, try other credible sources. By doing this, you know what they are dealing with and empathize with them. It will also help you see why they act in a particular way and assist them in overcoming denial.

2. See their condition from another perspective

It’s sometimes convenient to get frustrated when dealing with a depressed person in denial. You should be asking, “Why do they feel comfortable shying away from their problems – disturbing ones?” The brain is naturally built to protect and shield us from shocking events. 

Denial as a coping mechanism helps someone facing a traumatic event more than addressing the problems head-on. Understanding this makes you more compassionate. Also, when you know that people process emotions differently, you might get an insight into their condition and learn how to deal with denial.

3. Be compassionate

Knowing how to deal with someone in denial can’t be easy with compassion and empathy. These two traits are central to someone living in denial. It is easy to disregard their feelings when they can’t see through glaring their actions and negative consequences. However, your first response shouldn’t involve flaring up. 

Be gentle in your words and behavior to avoid aggravating their condition. To help people with denial overcome it, you must understand it won’t be easy at first. 

Depressed denial involves not accepting the truth at the initial stage. Try to help them by sharing your feelings about the situation. Then, give them space to live in denial.

4. Be an active listener

People with denial may not want to hear someone forcing their opinion on them, but they certainly want to be heard. Therefore, it is essential to be an active listener to know how to deal with someone in denial. 

Depressed denial will make a person continue to rant, so when they talk, don’t interrupt them and keep eye contact. 

Someone living in denial will constantly give excuses for their behavior. Be calm and try not to be defensive. Help by rephrasing what they say in the form of a question to clarify it. It is also a tactic to give them enough details about why they act the way they do.

5. Let them know you are with them

There is a high chance that people living in denial feel lonely and alone in their problems. It is crucial to make them think they are not alone.

Let them know you are on their side. With your findings and observations on their condition, you should already have adequate knowledge of their condition. Use this to make them feel relatable.

6. Practice the use of “I” in your words

The constant mentioning of “You” may sound accusing to people in denial. Instead, start your words with “I” so they shift attention to you. 

For instance, if you want to call their attention to how they leave the door open after getting drunk, you can say, “I feel concerned when you leave the door open after drinking.” Other “I” expressions you can use are:

• I feel worried when you don’t use your medications.
• I feel upset whenever you lay the bed of our deceased son.
• I am concerned that I don’t support you enough when you lock yourself in your room.

7. Accept their reality

If you are serious about seeking how to deal with someone in denial, you must accept the reality of their condition. That means acknowledging you can only try your best to prevent you from getting frustrated when all your efforts seem to be abortive. 

Besides, know that you may not be successful in telling them they are in denial. That is definitely something they will fight you for. 

Regardless, giving up isn’t an option. Remember, people in denial need help, and you are in the best position to help them. Instead, focus on what you can do at the moment rather than worrying about their indifference.

8. Become an accountability partner

After accepting that people with denial aren’t ready to face the truth, focus on other things you can do. One thing you can do is to become an accountability partner. That helps you deal with someone living in denial without making it obvious.

Start by encouraging them to try out activities that can help them reduce their denial symptoms. Even though refusing medication is a common problem, you can try other activities. 

For example, motivate them to exercise or try meditation. You can also invite someone in denial to events or other enjoyable activities, especially something related to their hobby or interest.

9. Recommend professional help

After trying your best to help people in denial manage their situation, and nothing proves fruitful, it’s time to recommend professional help or help them seek mental health support. This step is crucial when someone living in denial appears to be a threat to themselves and others. It is also the best remedy when seeking how to deal with someone in denial.

Therapists help people living in denial see through their problems. Of course, this takes a long process, but once the professional builds trust with them, they can face their pain.

10. Decide on what to do if they refuse your help

Unfortunately, you may try all successful treatments of denial, and nothing will work on your family members or loved ones. After a long time, they may still find it challenging to accept the truth of their diagnosis. What do you do? That’s one question you need to answer yourself. 

Will you stay away from them or continue to keep in touch? Will you ask them to move out should they be your friend? Figure out the best way to deal with their action and follow through.

11. Encourage self-reflection  

Encourage them to explore their feelings and thoughts privately through activities like journaling, drawing, or even voice recording. Sometimes, writing down or recording their thoughts can provide a safe outlet, helping them see things from a new perspective without the pressure of confrontation. 

Ask gentle, open-ended questions like, “How have things been feeling for you lately?” to inspire self-reflection. When learning how to help someone in denial, self-reflection can be a powerful tool.

12. Validate their feelings, not their beliefs  

It’s essential to acknowledge their emotions without necessarily agreeing with their perception of reality. For example, you might say, “It sounds like this situation is really hard for you, and that’s understandable.” 

Validating their feelings shows you’re on their side, which can slowly encourage them to examine their beliefs without feeling attacked. With this approach, you’re already working on how to get someone out of denial.

13. Share relevant personal experiences  

If you’ve been through something similar, consider sharing a personal experience or a story. Focus on how you initially struggled to face the truth and what helped you eventually acknowledge reality. 

This approach normalizes their denial as part of the process and provides them with a relatable path forward without directly challenging them. It can be especially helpful when you notice signs of denial in a relationship.

14. Be mindful of their readiness  

People in denial may have different stages of readiness to face their issues. Observe their cues to know when they’re receptive to conversations and back off when they seem resistant. 

Rather than trying to force acceptance, recognize when to take a step back and revisit the topic at a later, more opportune time. This awareness helps you understand how to get someone out of denial effectively.

15. Educate yourself on boundary-setting  

Setting healthy boundaries is essential, especially if their denial negatively affects your own mental well-being. Learn how to communicate boundaries respectfully without making them feel isolated. 

For example, you might say, “I care about you and am here for you, but I need some time for myself too.” Clear, compassionate boundaries show that you’re supportive yet mindful of your own needs, setting an example of healthy self-care. Boundaries are also helpful when you recognize early signs of denial in a relationship.

To learn more about the importance of boundary setting and the ways to do it, watch this video:

Things to avoid while helping a loved one in denial

Supporting a loved one in denial can be delicate, and knowing what to avoid is just as important as knowing what to do. Certain approaches can unintentionally reinforce their denial, making it more challenging for them to face reality. 

By steering clear of some of the common pitfalls listed below, you can provide more effective support and maintain a healthy dynamic in your relationship.

• Avoid dismissing their feelings: Downplaying their emotions can cause them to feel misunderstood, making them more resistant to open up.
• Don’t force acceptance: Pressuring them to accept the truth can make them defensive and less likely to confront their issues.
• Refrain from overloading with information: Bombarding them with too many facts or arguments can feel overwhelming, which may drive them further into denial.
• Avoid negative judgment: Expressing disappointment or frustration may cause them to feel attacked, making acceptance harder.
• Don’t enable their behavior: Avoid actions that allow them to continue their behavior, like making excuses or covering up for them.
• Prioritize your well-being: Caring for someone in denial can be draining, so make sure to seek support for yourself to stay balanced and effective in your approach.

Final thoughts

If you’re facing the challenge of understanding how to deal with someone in denial, take action by approaching them with patience and empathy. Your support can make a powerful difference, helping them see reality without feeling overwhelmed. 

Denial can manifest in many forms—from minimizing health concerns to denying relationship issues—making it essential to remain sensitive yet persistent. 

Small gestures, like suggesting professional help or gently sharing examples of denial in others, can gradually open their eyes to the impact of their choices. 

Remember, helping someone recognize their denial is a gradual process that requires understanding and clear boundaries. By consistently showing support, you can guide them toward acceptance and positive change in their life.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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